Creationism explained

[quaoar]

A lot of liberals have a hard time believing in the basic tenets of creationism, so I thought I would attempt to explain it for everyone. Pay attention because you will need to know this to help your children with their homework, especially if you live in Texas.

Here goes:

1. First, the Earth is only 6,000 years old, give or take a few months. It's hard to be precise because we're not sure yet whether cavemen were using Daylight Savings Time or not.

2. Dinosaurs lived at the same time as humans. This has been proven by careful research portrayed in such films as "The Flintstones."

3. The Earth has never been hit by a massive meteorite or comet, causing the dinosaurs to become extinct. The dinosaurs died off because there wasn't enough room in Noah's Ark for them. I mean, the Ark was big, but it wasn't THAT big. Someone had to get left out and the dinosaurs drew the short straw.

4. All those beings claimed to be man's predecessors -- like Neanderthals and such -- all existed at the same time as man. They died off because they weren't smart enough to build the Ark.

5. The reason that chimpanzees and orangutans are so similar to humans is because God created them that way so we would have something cute and funny to laugh at in Clint Eastwood movies.

6. The finches living on the Galapagos Islands were put there by Satan to tempt Charles Darwin.

7. The Bible mentions people who lived for many hundreds of years. People stopped living so long because after you hit 80 it's hard to get laid, so what's the point?

8. People did have slaves in those days, but this was before the Emancipation Proclamation, so it was perfectly legal.

9. Men in those days also had multiple wives. This was because there were a lot more women than men and if the men didn't take several wives each it would have meant that the women would have had to marry each other, i.e. gay marriage.

10. Oil was created when the dinosaurs got left off the Ark. The oil is still around today because there were only a few SUVs in those days.

I hope this clears up any confusion.

[rkc3]

1. Amen brother. Amen!

Unfortunately for Creationists, your argument is as sound as theirs.

[BOSSHOG]

2. I have some more confusion for you to clear up please

God fearing christian conservatives tell us that our existence is too complex to understand, therefore they credit a cosmic being with making us happen. However, said christian conservatives offer no ambiguity when they rant and rave that you and I are not descended from Apes. Things are too complex for them to understand but there is absolutely no fucking doubt at all in their minds that we and apes are not related. Is this an example of picking and choosing in the bible what you want to believe to support a political agenda? Thanks in advance for your help in clearing up this complex issue.

[quaoar]

4. Please refer to No. 5

Also, monkeys were created to provide jobs for organ grinders.

[MsAnthropy]

3. LOL! I love #7.