I'm waiting for "the Rapture"... can't wait

[npincus]

... when millions of born-again Evangelicals will suddenly vanish from the earth- just as they do in Tim LaHaye's "Left Behind" books. They will leave behind their clothes, material possessions and all friends and family who have not accepted Christ.

Which means, all that will be left of Chimpy will be his TelePrompter and cue cards... and maybe a bottle of Jim Beam tucked away in the Oval Office. And that huge sucking sound will be every Fundie on earth blasting to Heaven- purging our planet of their noxious presence.

"The Rapture" is the divine alternative to Articles of Impeachment. Either one will do, for me. Here's what I say to the good Lord: BRING IT ON!

And here's what I say to Chimpy, Robertson, Swaggart, and the rest of their ilk: BUH-BYE! Enjoy the trip! Don't come back! Ever.

[ChairmanAgnostic]

1. It already happened in 1854. Sorry.

[Debi]

2. What makes you think God will take them?

We could be stuck with 'em forever :yoiks:

[Inland]

3. we'll finally get to see that wierd lump in Bush's jacket. nt

[adarling]

4. or you could be Lutheran like i am and not believe in the rapture

so it all happens at once with no time to even realize bush was even around :)

[orwell]

5. I had a Rupture...

...they had to operate.

It's fine now. ;)

[Dawgs]

6. I saw a bumper sticker this morning that said...

"WARNING: When the Rapture happens there will be no one in this vehicle"

Guess which bumper sticker was on the other side; B/C 2004 Of course!!

[mitchtv]

21. I saw a cute one

"when the Rapture happens, Can I have your car?"

[longship]

7. Here's what to do...

We need a plan where all their stuff gets distributed to those people who most desparately need it.

The NOLA survivers and other homeless get their houses.

All their cars--at least those non-SUV vehicles which will be crushed and recycled--will be given to poor people without vehicles.

All their computers and business equipment will be given to new companies to defer their costs.

All entertainment equipment (TVs, etc.) will be doled out in a national lottery, tickets for which will be sold for a very nominal fee (less than a dollar). The vast number of these items will make sure that people have a reasonable chance of winning something cool. The treasury will benefit from the lottery so we start retiring the horrible debt with which the Rapture Rightists have saddled the country.

[Loonman]

8. Baloney on a pony

Sorry, Charlie, Jesus ain't returning.

[shraby]

9. I agree, and if I'm wrong, I think the so-called

Christians of the Falwell-Robertson kind are going to be sorely disappointed when they are left here holding the bag on all the destruction they've caused.

[npincus]

10. ...and don't let the cosmos slap you in the ass on your way out.

[haktar]

11. Rapture - in 2006

http://www.rapture-online.com/


A nice site to trick fundies into. ;-)

[Catchawave]

12. Anna Nicole Smith's case is going before the Supremes!

...and I think Olbermann called that the "Apocalypse" ?

[AnnieBW]

13. Dibs On Falwell's Mercedes!

When the Rapture happens, I call dibs on Jerry Falwell's Mercedes Benz! :D

[npincus]

19. I'll take his Rolex!

and hock it.

[catmother]

14. i just cracked up laughing. said to my husband i had a bad day

yesterday and today with alito et al. and then i read this thread and the posts and i feel better. thanks to all of you for making my day better.

[renie408]

15. As an atheist, I see this is as definitely a win-win situation.

They are gone and we get their stuff.

Cool.

[boobooday]

16. I got dibs on Robertson's car

When he gets raptured up and all.

[TexasLawyer]

17. maybe God will take up the "liberals" in the rapture--

The people who actually care about the less fortunate, who don't believe in waging pre-emptive war, and who "judge not, (e.g. gay marriage) lest they themselves be judged."

Just a thought. I don't mind whichever way rapture goes, just so long as I am not stuck with Pat Robertson, et al.

One of my fave refrigerator magnets: "Oh LORD, Please protect me from thy followers"

Actually-- the funny thing is that there is very slim Biblical support for a rapture at all, let alone a rapture that takes place BEFORE the second coming.

[kineneb]

18. I agree

Those who were distinguished by their good works, and didn't spend much time asking god for stuff, will be the rapture-ees. And the whining fundies will find themselves whisked off to a low-lying Pacific island to wait for global warming to slowly drowned them all.:evilgrin:

And the whole rapture thing was thought up sometime in the 19th century by the equalivant of circut-rider preachers, who had no historical/academic training in church history.

[OnionPatch]

25. I'm having a blast with this image

in my head......Barbara Streisand, Michael Moore, Sean Penn and all the rest of the liberals start floating up into the air in a great beam of pure white light..... Pat Robertson jumping up and down trying to fly up and join them :rofl: cursing as he falls back to Earth again and again.......

[Ishoutandscream2]

33. LOL. That's a hilarious image, alright!!

nt

[Raster]

20. I can't wait for the rapture either. It'll be like shooting skeet,

except the targets are bigger.

[diamondsndust]

22. ROTF!!!!! n/t

[NativeTexan]

23. Sorry to tell the evangelicals......

.....but my interpretation tells me that there aren't near as many of them going to get in as they believe. Hypocrites aren't going to be in the majority in Heaven.

[Neshanic]

24. You can follow along at home with the board game as seen om TV.

[OnionPatch]

26. Around here, the rapture-righties have these bumper stickers

that are real fancy, sort of Gothic letters that say "NOTW" or "Not of This World" or something. Yesterday I saw a bumper sticker that said "If you're not of this world, leave." :) I would like one that said, "If you're not of this world, why are you allowed to vote here?!!"

[Johnny Noshoes]

27. Let 'em all go

If they all go can they take ALL the world's fundie pains in the butt with them - then we can get the planet back and get on with making this a better world for those of us who just want the human race to GROW UP and stop being like little children dependent on the great sky daddy.

[kywildcat]

28. I want one that says

'the rapture happened, apparently jesus doesn't like you either'

[CatholicEdHead]

31. That say so much on so many levels

"Not of This World" clearly means that they do not care what happens in the world outside of their own visual range or so. They are openly abicating responsiblity for everything else that happens. It is the old "Holier than Thou" mentality. The arragonce to show that is beyond outstanding.

[OnionPatch]

35. Yes, it really burns me

because it seems that they feel they just don't have to care what goes on here anymore. As long as they have their "own personal relationship" with Jesus, everything else doesn't matter. It's so typically selfish of them. I want to throttle them and say "Well, I AM of this world, and I'd like to take care of it if you don't mind!" :mad:

[PaganPreacher]

34. May I offer a counter-message?

"In case of rapture, can I have your wife?"

THAT should get some angry looks!

It does for me.


The Pagan Preacher
I don't turn the other cheek.

[Sooner75]

29. History of "The Rapture"

I have a friend who describes himself as a Republican, but he also is disgusted with the direction his party has taken.

In a recent wide-ranging conversation on religion, he told me that the Rapture was the creation of a Christian cult leader in the 19th century. He said that the Rapture is never mentioned in the Bible. (I wonder if it's sort of pulled out of Revelations somehow.)

Anyway, he contends that the whole Rapture thing gained popularity but it CAME from a cult leader back in the 1800s. Today's religious cult leaders know a useful scare tactic when they see one.

[CatholicEdHead]

30. Your summary is basically true

[kywildcat]

32. Islam, Judaism and Christianity have end of the world

prophesies. A theology professor of mine years ago said that these prophesies (expectations of the rapture etc...) derive from our need to define world and/or external events that we perceive as beyond our control. He summed it up as 'when the going gets tough, people look outward for answers and solutions.These are the people most susceptible to shady religious ideologies and end of the world theories'