Famous Quotes in American History -- BushCo Corrects the Record!!

[Sparkly]

It has been brought to the attention of the United States Government that liberal historic revisionists have propagated inaccurate quotes from American history. Therefore, the Bush administration has undertaken a new initiative to set the record straight: Correcting Revisionism for Accurate Propaganda (CRAP). The full and accurate quotes are provided below. Please correct all textbooks and historical records accordingly.

John Quincy Adams:
Liberal Version: "Think of your forefathers! Think of your posterity!"
Correct Quote: "Think of your forefathers! Think of your posterity! Think of the Enemy that Lurks!”

Nathan Hale
Liberal Version: "I only regret that I have but one life to lose for my country."
Correct Quote: “I only regret that I have but one country to lose, so I hope we can take over another one in the Middle East.”

Daniel Webster
Liberal Version: "Liberty and Union, now and forever, one and inseparable!"
Correct Quote: “Liver and Onions, now and forever, one and inseparable, until Freedom Fries!”

Patrick Henry
Liberal Version: "Give me liberty, or give me death!"
Correct Quote (provided by an alert member of DU): "Take my liberty, I’m scared to death!"

Benjamin Franklin:
Liberal Version: "In this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes."
Correct Quote: “In this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death, taxes, and WMDs in Iraq."

Liberal Version: “They who give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.”
Correct Quote: “They who whine about giving up liberty to obtain safety deserve to be shot.”

John Adams
Liberal Version: "Fear is the foundation of most government."
Correct Quote: "Fear is the foundation of most government – Boo!”

John Paul Jones
Liberal Version: "I have not yet begun to fight."
Correct Quote: "I have not yet begun to fight, but I did fly some fighter jets in Alabama. You can’t prove I didn’t.”

Thomas Jefferson
Liberal Version: “When the people fear their government, there is tyranny; when the government fears the people, there is liberty.”
Correct Quote: “When the people fear their government, there is liberty; when the government fears the people, there is tyranny.”

Liberal Version: “Whenever you do a thing, act as if all the world were watching.”
Correct Quote: “When you do a thing, act as if all the government were watching, because we might be.”

Liberal Version: “Where the press is free and every man able to read, all is safe.”
Correct Quote: “Where the press is free and every man able to read, the liberal media will force its socialist, atheist, gay agenda on the people.”

Abraham Lincoln
Liberal Version: "'A house divided against itself cannot stand.' I believe this government cannot endure permanently, half slave and half free."
Correct Quote: "'A house divided against itself cannot stand.' I believe this government cannot endure permanently, half slave and half free. As a uniter and not a divider, I believe abolishing the ‘free’ part is the roadmap to unity.”

Franklin D. Roosevelt
Liberal Version: "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself."
Correct Quote: “The only thing we have to fear is terrorism from evildoers who hate us for our freedoms and will certainly attack us again if you vote for my opponent.”

John F. Kennedy
Liberal Version: “And so, my fellow Americans, ask not what your country can do for you; ask what you can do for your country.”
Correct Quote: “And so, my fellow Americans, ask not what your country can do for you; ask what your country can do TO you.”

Woodrow Wilson
Liberal Version: “The government, which was designed for the people, has got into the hands of the bosses and their employers, the special interests. An invisible empire has been set up above the forms of democracy. “
Correct Quote: “The government, which was designed for the people, has got into the hands of the bosses and their employers, the special interests. An invisible empire has been set up above the forms of democracy. So? You got a problem with that?“

Herbert Hoover
Liberal Version: “When there is a lack of honor in government, the morals of the whole people are poisoned.”
Correct Quote: “When there is a lack of honor in government, we’ll take care of it. Meanwhile, we’re not going to comment on an ongoing investigation.”

Dwight D. Eisenhower
Liberal Version: “Here in America we are descended in blood and in spirit from revolutionists and rebels - men and women who dare to dissent from accepted doctrine. As their heirs, may we never confuse honest dissent with disloyal subversion.”
Correct Quote: “Here in America we are descended in blood and in spirit from rightwing Christian conservatives - men and women who don’t dare to dissent from accepted doctrine. As their heirs, may we never confuse treasonous dissent with loyal subversion.”

George H. W. Bush
"Even though I'm a tranquil guy now at this stage of my life, I have nothing but contempt and anger for *those who betray the trust by exposing the name of our sources. They are, in my view, the most insidious of traitors."
Correct Quote: Add on, “Hah -- I’m just kidding! You thought I was serious?”

[sinkingfeeling]

1. Excellent! Thanks.