Can't Sleep, Clowns Will Eat Me

[hoffmanmotors]

Hello, my name is Dude - and I’m afraid of clowns. It’s not a debilitating fear; I wouldn’t run screaming like a girl if one of the vile creatures approached me – not any more. I guess I have the folks in my coulrophobia support group to thank for that. The most important thing I learned from them was to put my fears into perspective. We are far more likely to be blown to bits in a freak molasses accident than to have some Clarabelle from Hell eat our faces off.

I guess I’ve always been afraid of something. When I was little, it was kind of cool. You’d get that adrenaline rush, and let’s face it…before you discovered sex, the adrenaline thing was some good stuff.


Bozo The Clown - Former Head of the Soviet Union

But as I got older, I began to understand that “duck-and-cover” was the kid equivalent of “kiss your ass goodbye”. Words like “Cold War”, “mutually assured destruction”, and “nuclear winter” began to creep into my consciousness. I saw “On the Beach”, “Dr. Strangelove”, “Seven Days in May”, and “Fail Safe”. By age 10, every “BULLETIN” that flashed across my TV screen was potentially the beginning of Armageddon.

The Bay of Pigs almost started World War III, and if Kennedy had listened to General LeMay it sure as hell would have. I was afraid, and for good God-damned reason. Both the US and USSR had the means to destroy the world.

But then, when the Soviet Union crumbled and the Berlin Wall finally came down in November, 1989 a great weight was lifted off the shoulders of generations of people who lived through the Cold War. The danger wasn’t completely gone, but it was manageable now. We just had to account for all those nuclear weapons - and do something with them. My plan to turn Russia’s stockpile of SS-16 mobile ICBMs into roadside eateries was summarily rejected by our State Department (and those letters were for the President’s eyes only!).

Now, those same weapons are beginning to pose a threat again - as fears mount that terrorists may someday get their hands on one (if they haven’t already). You see, Terrorists are the new fear that Americans are faced with. Political rhetoric is consumed with the threat they pose. The national threat level remains yellow, and the odds of it every going to blue or green are incalculable – especially during an election year.

“The politics of fear” is Karl Rovian in its effectiveness. Keep them ignorant, and keep them afraid. It short-circuits the debate, and clouds the public's resolve to hold their leaders accountable.

But what the hell are we afraid of? “The Greatest Generation” suffered through two world wars in their lifetime. There were over 10,000 casualties during the D-Day invasion alone. The total estimated human loss of life, irrespective of political alignment, caused by World War II was roughly 62,000,000 people.

On Monday former Vice President Al Gore observed:

"Is our Congress today in more danger than were their predecessors when the British army was marching on the Capitol? Is the world more dangerous than when we faced an ideological enemy with tens of thousands of nuclear missiles ready to be launched on a moment’s notice to completely annihilate the country? Is America in more danger now than when we faced worldwide fascism on the march-when the last generation had to fight and win two World Wars simultaneously?

It is simply an insult to those who came before us and sacrificed so much on our behalf to imply that we have more to be fearful of than they did. Yet they faithfully protected our freedoms, and now it’s up to us to do the very same thing!"

So when the next Kool-Aid drinking yutz insults your intelligence by suggesting that you simply don’t understand the magnitude of the threat facing America, you might remind them that Osama Bin Laden couldn’t carry Leonid Breshnev’s jock strap (God, there’s a visual for ya’).


The Blue Republic

[Deep13]

1. You sure have a high opinion of your own tastiness.

I would never eat a clown because they taste funny.

[hoffmanmotors]

9. Have you ever seen a clown eat?

They will literally eat anything. I once saw a clown eat an ’81 Yugo – it was a GV Plus too…you know the really nice one.

[DinahMoeHum]

2. Actually, Nikita Khrushchev was head of the USSR at the time

of the Cuban Missile Crisis (although Brezhnev was his 1st Secretary, or something like that - right behind him).

But you're right, OBL couldn't carry Brezhnev's jockstrap, MUCH LESS, Khrushchev's infamous shoe to bang on a table.

:evilgrin:

[EST]

3. Do you remember when our stupid state department

misintertreted Nikita's handshake with himself, over his head? In this country that symbolism was a self-congratulatory, "Oh I'm good, I am."
The truth was, in Russia, that same symbol was an offer for peaceful co-operation; it meant "hands across the sea!"

I knew this because I was studying Russian but our own fat-assed over paid people in the "know" hadn't a clue.

[DinahMoeHum]

7. Sorry, but I was a toddler at that time.

:evilgrin:

[TallahasseeGrannie]

4. I come from a long line of clown haters.

[DainBramaged]

5. Amrika loves Klowns

Our White House and Congress is filled with Klowns.

Imagine, the tip of the ice berg in revealing Klowns is named Jack Off. Wonder how his mother felt when she realized what a Klown name that was?

[Stinky The Clown]

6. Never speak ill of clowns

..... m'kay?

[hoffmanmotors]

8. Nothing personal...

but I don't trust anyone who has to paint their expression on their face.

[Stinky The Clown]

10. My sour expression and disposition .......

...... isn't painted on. It is caused naturally by my innate abhorrence of the cabal that has stolen our country.

I'm normally a very happy clown.

And I didn't take it personally. :)

[DemoTex]

11. Cool 'yo phobia, Dude.

Nights are long with coulrophobia.

[hoffmanmotors]

12. Great picture....

I think I spot my neighbor Phil in among the sheep there. :)