Critique my snoopgate LTTE, please.

[NewJeffCT]

Reposted from the Alito forum... not sure how it ended up there.

I'm not sure about the ending...
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In a real shocker, it seems that the Bush Administration was caught in yet another lie about the NSA domestic spying scandal.

Some of the many excuses they have given for spying on American citizens without a warrant were that the FISA law was too restrictive and that the Congressional war authorizations related to Afghanistan and Iraq allowed the spying.

However, Senator Mike DeWine, an Ohio Republican, proposed loosening the FISA standards in 2002. The Bush White House, you guessed it, rejected this proposal. Arguing against DeWine’s proposal, which was only for non-citizens, White House representative James Baker said it might not pass constitutional muster. Baker also argued that Patriot Act modifications allowed them to make full and effective use of FISA, so the DeWine proposal was not needed.

The DeWine proposition also destroys another myth promoted by Team Bush. If the war authorizations permitted the spying on American citizens without a warrant, why did the Republican senator propose the loosening of FISA standards in the first place?

That begs the question of why reject the proposed loosening of FISA standards in 2002? Maybe if Team Bush had to reveal who they were really spying on, it would be a list of administration critics instead of actual terrorists, like those vicious Quakers and that menacing Cindy Sheehan. Perhaps it is the reason the White House is worried about the upcoming bipartisan impeachment hearings!
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[StephanieMarie]

1. their talking point is "congressional war authorizations"

but congress never voted for war. I would change it to congresses vote to allow the use of force, or whatever the actual wording of the resolution was.

Instead of "some of the many" say "Two of the many" because you are addressing only two.

"The DeWine proposition also destroys another myth promoted by Team Bush." should read "The administrations own arguments against the DeWine proposition also destroy another myth promoted by Team Bush." And end that paragraph with "Excuse one is therefore void."

In the next paragraph, say "why would" instead of "why did" because you are addressing the motive. The Bush Adminstration can't have it both ways -- this excuse is void.

Eliminate the "that begs the question" sentence -- just start the last paragraph with your "Maybe" sentence, but change "it would be" to "the list would include administration critics like Democrats, vicious Quakers, PETA, and that menacing Cindy Sheehan."

Instead of "Perhaps it is the reason.." say "Perhaps the possibility of being required to disclose that list is the true reason that the White House..."

[NewJeffCT]

2. thanks

good ideas! I appreciate it.

[NewJeffCT]

3. friday kick

hoping for even more feedback.