"America is Addicted to Oil" - Longer Version

[Davion]

Short version:

“America is addicted to oil.”

Long version:

Hi, my name is America, and I’m an oil-oholic. (Hi America).

I’ve been using oil for most of my life. At first it was simple experimentation. A few oil lamps here, a bit of petroleum jelly there. I had it under control and didn’t spend much time thinking about it. It served as a sort of societal lubricant but didn’t affect me badly, and I never had to worry.

But then I discovered oil in a new “refined” form. In almost no time, I began to obsess over it. My days as a casual user were over and I was hooked. Oil began to play a major role in almost every decision I made. Soon I realized that my own supply at home was almost used up and I had to look elsewhere to sate my new addiction. Often I would travel all around my neighborhood in order to find just a little more. Sometimes I would cajole, sometimes threaten, but I found dealers a plenty. Many of these sources were people I would have never dealt with before. A few of them were simply anti-social, but I was horrified to learn that some gleefully beat their wives and still others had even murdered many of their own children. I didn’t care. I gladly handed them wads of cash and looked the other way in order to get my hands on another fix. One time there was this big suppiler who cut me a great deal, it was so good I even gave him some extra guns I had lying around the house, but then he double-crossed me, and tried to move in on one of my other dealers, just to raise the prices. Well he soon learned a lesson he would never forget. Now his two sons are dead and the last time I saw him he was babbling incoherenty and being deloused in a foreign jail.


Needless to say, I am not a “happy” oil-oholic. Some even say it can make me violent. I deny it to this day, but I’ve been told that I have actually “blacked-out” and caused serious harm to many defenseless people in a couple of oil-induced rages. Even my personal relationships have been ruined. I used to be the most popular guy in the world! People came to me for support and advice and I was always willing to lend a hand to anyone in need. Now I am shunned by nearly all of my closest friends. They look at me as if they no longer know who I really am. Rather than trying to mend our relationships, I started making fun of them, and referring to them as my “old” friends. As long as they oil kept flowing, I didn’t care what they said. You could say I was fat, dumb and happy.

Over the last few years I have attended meetings just like this one and swore that I would find a way to kick this terrible habit. Just last year I promised that this time I was serious- this time I would find some new-fangled way to end this cycle of destruction. But in the end all I could do was throw a sizeable chunk of my net worth at my local dealers in the vain hope that they would give me more of that sweet black juice at a better price. Needless to say, that plan hasn’t worked. I’m sad to admit that that idea is just a small part in a continuing lifestyle that has caused me to rack up debts I can never possibly repay, and my own children are going to have to clean up the mess I have made.

But now I stand before you, and once again promise that this time I mean it. This time, I’m going to change. I now see how wrong I have been and will devote as much energy as it takes to fix this problem in my life. This time will be different, you have my word.

Trust me. Have I ever lied to you before?

(Editted for typos)

[smurfygirl]

1. This is really good.

You should submit it to the forum sections of your newspaper.

[Davion]

2. Thanks

Submitted, but since my paper is the San Diego Union Tribune, I am not holding out much hope for publication. :)

[voodoochild]

3. this is good

Nice one!! I like the story. I hope they do print it.