DNC Finalizes Acquisition of RNC

[Nimrod2005]

February 06, 2006 • Washington DC based DNC finalizes a deal to acquire its former rival RNC in a deal valued at $1 in cash. The entities have not said what will become of the RNC name, but acknowledged its lack of value as a brand.

The decision followed late-night meetings by directors of DNC, the nation's biggest political party. Newly elected DNC Chairman, Dr. Howard Dean, said documents in the acquisition were signed early Friday after RNC board of directors approved the deal. Board members of DNC approved the transaction on Friday evening.

The acquisition is subject to approvals by average folks, two federal agencies and at least 26 states, a cumbersome process which prompted the parties to project the deal's completion may take 17 days, an unusually long wait.

Washington based DNC has about 59 million local-voters, mostly in the north east and west coast. RNC handled the nation's Red Staters before it was broken apart this morning. The Crawford Ranch-based entity has 60 million voters, many of whom can’t read or write.

In their latest elections for 2004, RNC reported 60 million so called moral values votes while DNC reported 59 million anti-war votes. The combined voters total of 119 million would slightly surpass the 100 million votes reported for 2004 by the country of Egypt.

Particularly attractive to DNC is RNC’s extensive cross-country network of stupid people who just believe everything they hear, its unmatched base of uneducated dummies, who are believed to number several million.

"By completing this transaction, we will leapfrog from where we are today not only from a voter perspective, but also from a network and message perspective," Howard Dean, DNC's chief , said in a conference call with voters.

The parties would not say how many voters they expect will be cut as a result of the merger, but Dean said he envisions 40 million to 50 million in red states voter savings by 2006. This will be achieved by consolidating multiple states and counties from the two parties.

"The combination of these two strong, complementary parties will ensure that together we will have all the capabilities necessary to compete successfully in serving a broad range of voters across the country and around the globe," Dean said.

"Together, DNC and RNC will be a stronger U.S.-based global competitor capable of delivering the advanced network technologies and political savvy necessary to combat terrorism. Integrated, high-quality and competitively positioned military to meet the evolving needs of voters worldwide," added Dean.

Howard Dean, DNC chairman and chief executive officer, will serve as chairman, CEO and as a member of the Board of Directors of the new party. George Bush will serve as butler and as a member of the starving working class.

The corporate headquarters for the combined entity will remain in the White House.

With regard to the party name, Dean said, "We value the heritage and strength of the DNC party, which is one of the most widely recognized and respected names throughout our history, and it will certainly be a part of the new party’s future."

In 1990, Bill Clinton Won the Democratic Party’s nomination and the US Presidency, he went on to serve two terms as the greatest President in the history of the nation. This acquisition will return America to greatness, as previously experienced under a Democratic President.

[wtbymark]

1. I'd almost believe it if it were the DLC

but it would be more like the RNC purhased the DLC - thats more like reality

[Dr.Phool]

2. RNC will now be known as DLC

New Chairman is Mr. Mehlman Vilsac.

[meow2u3]

3. Is this satire?

Just asking.

[Nimrod2005]

4. No ---- Just stuff to discuss.