Daily Show Offers Its Take On Cheney's "Firearms Mishap" (Transcript)

[JABBS]

On Monday's edition of Comedy Central's The Daily Show With Jon Stewart, viewers were presented with one of the best bits of political humor in the show's very funny history:

JON STEWART: I'm joined now by our own vice-presidential firearms mishap analyst, Rob Corddry. Rob, obviously a very unfortunate situation. How is the vice president handling it?

ROB CORDDRY: Jon, tonight the vice president is standing by his decision to shoot Harry Wittington. According to the best intelligence available, there were quail hidden in the brush. Everyone believed at the time there were quail in the brush. And while the quail turned out to be a 78-year-old man, even knowing that today, Mr. Cheney insists he still would have shot Mr. Whittington in the face. He believes the world is a better place for his spreading buckshot throughout the entire region of Mr. Whittington's face.

STEWART: But why, Rob? If he had known Mr. Whittington was not a bird, why would he still have shot him?

CORDDRY: Jon, in a post-9-11 world, the American people expect their leaders to be decisive. To not have shot his friend in the face would have sent a message to the quail that America is weak.

STEWART: That's horrible.

CORDDRY: Look, the mere fact that we're even talking about how the vice president drives up with his rich friends in cars to shoot farm-raised wingless quail-tards is letting the quail know 'how' we're hunting them. I'm sure right now those birds are laughing at us in that little 'covey' of theirs.

STEWART: I'm not sure birds can laugh, Rob.

CORDDRY: Well, whatever it is they do … coo .. they're cooing at us right now, Jon, because here we are talking openly about our plans to hunt them. Jig is up. Quails one, America zero.

STEWART: Okay, well, on a purely human level, is the vice president at least sorry?

CORDDRY: Jon, what difference does it make? The bullets are already in this man's face. Let's move forward across party lines as a people … to get him some sort of mask.

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This item first appeared at JABBS.

[gWbush is Mabus]

1. LOL - awesome

[Mad_Dem_X]

2. Brilliant!

TDS never disappoints. :headbang:

[wordpix]

3. really funny stuff, gave me a laugh after those Abu Ghraib photos