Cheney's other accidental shootings

[quaoar]

http://www.latimes.com/news/printedition/opinion/la-oe-kenney15feb15,0,1216758.story?coll=la-news-comment

VICE PRESIDENT Dick Cheney accidentally shot documentary filmmaker Michael Moore yesterday as Moore was walking out of a Manhattan Denny's.

A spokesperson for the vice president said that it was a "complete accident" and that Cheney felt "horrible." The White House released a statement saying that the shooting was "just bad timing. Vice President Cheney, who is well-versed in firearms safety, was merely sitting in a shrub, wearing camouflage, outside of a Denny's frequented by Mr. Moore." The statement went on to say that Cheney had been in the shrub for "several days." Moore is said to have suffered only minor injuries and was released from the hospital.

IN ANOTHER BIZARRE accident, Cheney mistakenly shot every Democratic member of the Senate Judiciary Committee. A White House spokesman said that the vice president feels "bad, but not that bad." An aide to Cheney said that the vice president "happened to be in the committee chambers, under a chair, when he stood up to put on a pair of chaps, accidentally shooting the committee members, stopping to reload three times." Remarkably, the committee members were largely unhurt and are expected to make complete recoveries.

THE WHITE HOUSE was put on the defensive again today when Air Force Two was forced to make an emergency landing 25 miles west of New York City after a loss of cabin pressure because of the accidental shooting of former FEMA Director Michael D. Brown and Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff. Both men have recently come under criticism for their handling of the federal response to Hurricane Katrina. Cheney was said to be "laughing, but also deeply concerned" when he was awoken from a nap after accidentally shooting the men at close range. Typically, shotguns are not allowed on either Air Force One or Two, but Cheney is, the statement said, "a seasoned hunter and also planned to accidentally shoot both men." Both Brown and Chertoff are expected to make complete recoveries, although it remains unclear as to why Brown was duct-taped to the wing of the plane.

[Dunvegan]

1. "it remains unclear why Brown was duct-taped to the wing of the plane.

:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:

[Sweet Freedom]

2. more...

SEN. HILLARY Rodham Clinton miraculously escaped injury today after Cheney accidentally ran up to her motorcade and accidentally shot at her car. The White House said the vice president "tripped."

"These things happen," a White House spokesman said. "Guns, while completely safe, are also dangerous."

A member of the vice president's staff said Cheney apologized to the former first lady and potential presidential candidate in a handwritten note.

"I'm sorry I almost shot you. But know that I will try again and will also be sorry then too. I like the sound a gun makes and the smell of the gunpowder. 'Flint' is a neat word. "

</snip>

[uppityperson]

3. Cheney Shoots Scooter Libby By Accident

http://www.internetweekly.org/2006/02/cartoon_cheney_shoots_scooter_libby.html

WASHINGTON (IWR Satire) - For the second day in a row, Vice President Dick Cheney has accidentally shot someone while hunting. This time Mr. Cheney shot his former aid Scotty Libby ten times in the back near the Lincoln Memorial. The Vice President, who often likes to target practice on illegal aliens, sparrows and titmice in the National Mall, claimed he mistook Mr. Libby for the Japanese science fiction monster Rodan. "It's really too bad, because I was prepared to testify on his behalf at his trial next year," said Cheney through a twisted evil grin.

[uppityperson]

4. Dick Cheney Invites Jack Abramoff Bird Hunting

http://www.brokennewz.com/displaystory.asp_Q_storyid_E_1380cheneyhunt
In a stunning reversal of policy, Vice-President Dick Cheney has invited the openly shunned Jack Abramoff bird hunting. The Vice-President said he doesn't mind that Mr. Abramoff is currently embroiled in scandal; Cheney just wants to "help him get away from things." Cheney noted an attribute the pair shared. "I've heard that he has a talent for wandering off. That would make him an ideal hunting buddy. I've also insisted he forgo the neon orange vest for his traditional black trench coat and fedora. I just want him to feel at ease."...(more at link)

[uppityperson]

5. The real explanation: Faulty intellegence

Cheney Says Shooting of Fellow Hunter was Based on Faulty Intellegence

Believed Shooting Victim Was Zawahiri, Veep Says

Vice President Dick Cheney revealed today that he shot a fellow hunter while on a quail hunting trip over the weekend because he believed the man was the fugitive terror mastermind Ayman al-Zawahiri.

Mr. Cheney acknowledged that the man he sprayed with pellets on Saturday was not al-Zawahiri but rather Harry Whittington, a 78-year-old millionaire lawyer from Austin, blaming the mix-up on “faulty intelligence.”

“I believed I had credible intelligence that al-Zawahiri had infiltrated my hunting party in disguise with the intent of spraying me with pellets,” Mr. Cheney told reporters. “Only after I shot Harry in the face and he shouted ‘Cheney, you bastard’ did I realize that this intelligence was faulty.”...
http://www.borowitzreport.com/archive_rpt.asp?rec=1320&srch=