Trolls gone wild - Democratic Underground

BobcatJH

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Fri Apr-21-06 06:49 PM
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Trolls gone wild

Edited on Fri Apr-21-06 07:00 PM by BobcatJH

Occasionally, we find our progressive blogs' comment threads infested with trolls. If you're somehow unfamiliar with the term, think of a troll as the drunk who pushes his way into your barroom conversation. The proverbial turd in the punchbowl, in the rather unlikely case there's a proverb out there about turds and punchbowls. You get the picture.

Comment trolls tend to be Republicans of varying stripes intent on disruption. From the blunt-force troll with little to say that's not of the four-letter word variety to the benevolent troll who stops by to lecture everyone on the best practices of blog management, trolls are annoying as shit.

But why stay annoyed when you can have fun instead? Make lemonade out of lemons, folks. Trolls are an everyday reminder that someone, somewhere, disagrees with what you're saying and considers it important enough to respond to. So stand proud, progressives! They hate us. They really, really hate us.

Just as there are myriad varieties of Republican voters, there are myriad varieties of Republican trolls. For brevity's sake, I'll talk about my three favorites: The benevolent troll, the blunt-force troll and the relapsing troll.

Benevolent right-wing trolls are often as predictable as their more vulgar fellow travelers. First, they insinuate themselves into a debate, posing as "independent thinkers". Then they regurgitate well-worn talking points that reveal them to be anything but nonpartisan. Once unmasked as right-wingers, the benevolent troll's saga usually ends in two ways. Neither, as you could imagine, are pretty.

One, the troll resorts to name-calling and baseless assertions, despite the fact they at first appeared to be "above the fray". Then, when confronted, they disappear completely without a peep. Or two, when confronted, they post one last jeremiad about how there's too much negativity on the site and they're leaving, because they've got better things to do. Only they brought the negativity. Only they don't have better things to do. They've decided to stop slumming and, I'm guessing, return to the Algonquin Round Table from whence they came.

While benevolent trolls are annoying, they're also rare. Most common are the blunt-force trolls, the commenters with absolutely nothing to add. They leave intellect and proper grammar behind. All they bring is invective. You could be a former member of the armed services with combat experience critiquing Donald Rumsfeld. But to them, you're a peace-loving hippie bastard with a latte in one hand and a joint in the other.

No matter who you are or what you say, you somehow fit into their image of liberalism. Pounding square pegs into round holes their best skill, because their worldview has been so scrubbed, sanitized and simplified that even the most complex issues have been reduced to good/evil arguments. Against the war in Iraq? You're with the terrorists! Against racist solutions to illegal immigration? You're with the Mexican terrorists! Against anti-choice and anti-gay bigotry? You're with the female and gay terrorists! Against the terrorists? You're with the ... you're with the ... you're just an asshole, asshole!

If you're lucky, these temporary tough guys rarely metastasize into the third type of pest. Like a dope-sick junkie who can't resist any longer, relapsing trolls frequently fall off of the wagon and return to their old progressive haunts. There, they arrive to announce that, not only is Bush-era conservatism the answer, but also that the site's owner and liberal guests remain clueless, hopeless fools.

These once-blunt-force trolls love to bring a "There you go again …" mentality to any argument. What's important to remember, however, is that they're the ones returning to overused, underdeveloped points usually yanked directly from Rush Limbaugh's formerly nicotine-stained fingers. Poor people are lazy. Rich people are virtuous, hard workers. Free markets are the answer. Wow, I've never heard a Republican say those things before!

Let's not fool ourselves. If you're going to advocate for change, there are always going to be naysayers out there who will fight you, tooth-and-nail, to reverse that progress. Is it worth it to debate them? Sometimes, but remember to keep your eyes on the prize, not the cesspool from where your Republican friends are slinging mud. Besides, if what you're saying is having that kind of effect among right-wingers, you've got to be doing something right.

So, which type of trolls are your favorite?