A day without Republicans - Democratic Underground

BobcatJH

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Tue May-02-06 10:39 AM
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A day without Republicans

I've got an idea.

On the heels of Monday's successful "day without immigrants," which helped demonstrate the collective impact a politically motivated group of people can have when they decide to exercise their power, I would like to suggest something: A day without Republicans.

Think about it. How better could the Republican Party show America how much it matters than staging a massive, nationwide walkout? How better could Republicans prove that they, in fact, are the party of ideas than not offering any for 24 hours? How better could the party make us appreciate all that they've given us than not lending their usual helping hand?

Without Republicans, imagine the massive surge in unemployment claims filed by America's lawyers, legal authorities and constitutional scholars. Sure, Tom DeLay's absence alone would singlehandedly sink an entire law firm or two, but he's far from the only one. Is the nation ready for a flood of limousine-chasing trial lawyers? Or an overabundance of Watergate-era pundits with a new lease on life thanks to administration malfeasance writ large? Somehow, I doubt it.

Without Republicans, lines at enlistment offices everywhere will surely be short. How can Iraqis feel the joy of freedom like a face-melting fire if conservatives don't step up to serve their country? What's more, how will we show Iran we mean business if the only ones left to fight are peace-loving liberal doves? Without Republicans to support our troops, the yellow ribbon industry will surely collapse, as will Lee Greenwood's record sales. Besides, those prisoners at Abu Grhaib and Guantanamo Bay won't torture themselves, people.

Without Republicans, who on cable news will tell us how well the war in Iraq, now on it's third year since "Mission Accomplished", is going? Who will remind us that Valerie Plame wasn't an undercover operative, nor was she doing anything of importance in the war on terror? Who will reinforce our beliefs that the 70 percent of Americans who disapprove of the president's performance are fringe leftists under the control of Michael Moore, Cindy Sheehan and the two Georges - Soros and Clooney? Who will fill job openings at the administration if there isn't a Fox News around to offer up prime candidates? If they don't report, I can't decide.

Without Republicans, imagine the unprecedented void left behind by an at-home religious right? The nation's gays, women and immigrants would have free reign to destroy America with their loving relationships, ownership of their own bodies and desire to pursue the American dream. Who would pray for the deaths of sitting Supreme Court justices or the demise of entire cities? Why, those terrible Islamofascists would for one day have the monopoly on physically assaulting those who oppose them. And we can't have that!

Without Republicans, who will accompany us to the gas pumps to reinforce our belief that free markets, gutted environmental regulations and $100 bribes will solve our problems? As we empty our pockets without them, we'll surely forget that we're indeed in this together with the oil company CEOs, who, in turn, will surely see their salaries dip below $200,000 a day. We'll also forget that the answer to our energy crisis is drilling in the Arctic, not alternative fuels or new thinking. Also slipping our minds will be the notion that we've got nothing to fear but those fun-killing environmentalists themselves. Hippies.

Without Republicans, who will remind us that there's a price to pay in this country for being underprivileged? Hurricane season is fast approaching. If disaster strikes again, a day without Republicans would mean a day without the afflicted region's poor feeling the double sting of tragedy followed by administration neglect. Plus, those down on their luck will forget that their laziness is the problem. Or that the best insurance plan is praying that they don't get sick.

Without Republicans, who will do the deciding typically left to the Decider-in-Chief? Should President Bush take a day off, enjoying a rare respite from Washington, who would be there to nullify laws with contradictory signing statements? Or authorize the warrantless wiretapping that keeps us safe? Or involve us in the next war intended to bring about the End Times? Americans will learn they can't afford a Commander-in-Chief who goes AWOL for the first time in his life.

There can be little doubt that a day without Republicans would indeed be a sad day for this great nation. So take heed, conservatives. Why let immigrants and their supporters have all of the fun? When you're done demonizing them, why don't you follow their lead and show the rest of us how much we need you? America is waiting.