GOP Employment Opportunity (Salary + Benefits!!!!)

[NanceGreggs]

EMPLOYMENT OPPORTUNITY OF A LIFETIME
POSITION MUST BE FILLED IMMEDIATELY!

Employer: The Republican Party
Position: Presidential Nominee (2008)

While we traditionally try to ‘promote from within’, current circumstances have forced us to offer this position to a wider range of applicants.

If you are not currently under indictment or investigation, and Federal authorities can scrutinize your bank accounts without any potential embarrassment, you may be THE MAN we are looking for.

NO EXPERIENCE NECESSARY – WE WILL TRAIN!!!

In order for us to process your application more efficiently, please answer the following questions.

About Yourself:

· Have you ever been guilty of fraud, bribe-taking, or tax evasion? Can it be proven in a court of law?
· Have you ever been accused of sexual misconduct or harassment? (If there is no official record of same, answer ‘no’)
· Have you ever gone golfing in Scotland? Does the name 'Jack Abramoff' appear on any of the receipts?
· Do you own any homes, vintage cars, yachts or European villas that are obviously above your financial means?
· Have you ever left an employment position for the ‘official’ reason of wanting to spend more time with your family?
· Do you have investments in a blind trust? Exactly how ‘blind’ is it?
· Have you ever done a video-diagnosis of a patient? Was your diagnosis accurate, or did you make a damned fool of yourself in public?
· Do you know how to delete computer files/shred documents quickly in an emergency situation?
· Which category do you fall into: ( ) Haves ( ) Have mores?

About Your Family:

· Does your wife own a ‘good Republican cloth coat’?
· Are you and your wife on speaking terms? If not, how good is she at 'faking' a loving relationship in public?
· Is your wife photogenic? Does she have a drug/alcohol problem that can be easily hidden and/or explained away?
· Are your children suitable for photo-ops? If not, are they in a private boarding school where photographers can’t get access to them?
· Are your mistresses discreet? Are the birth certificates of your illegitimate children registered under a surname other than your own?

If you should be charged with any serious malfeasance during the next two years, will you (a) raise your own bail money and/or defence fund, or (b) require financial assistance from your easily-fleeced supporters?

Can you pronounce the names of foreign leaders accurately? Can you come fairly close?

Who is your favorite FOX-NEWS broadcaster, and why?

In order to further assess your suitability for this important position, please submit a 150-word essay on one of the following topics (grammar and spelling will NOT be taken into account):

“The Country the US Should Attack Next Is …”

“My Plan for Making the Wealthiest 1% of Americans Tax-Exempt”

“Why Diebold Voting Machines are a Win-Win Situation for Everyone”

“Halliburton – Spreading Freedom & Democracy One No-Bid Contract at a Time ”

With your application form, kindly include a list of the individuals you will wish to appoint to high-profile government positions, along with an estimate of the dollar amount they will be willing to contribute to your campaign in exchange for same.

NOTE: Please be assured that the squeaky-clean image necessary for this position extends only for the duration of the campaign process. Once elected, you will be free to lie, cheat, steal, wage war, etc.

[MadMaddie]

1. That's sadly so accurate....

:puke:

[annabanana]

2. It sounds about right.

particularly this:

"If you should be charged with any serious malfeasance during the next two years, will you (a) raise your own bail money and/or defence fund, or (b) require financial assistance from your easily-fleeced supporters?'

in view of this!:


http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=364x1276072