My Mother in Law's Gay Neighbors

[BOSSHOG]

We visited my mother in law in a small Kansas town. A gay couple (2 young guys) live across the street from her. Both are employed full time. I thought it my patriotic duty to keep an eye on those two. One day they mowed their lawn and edged the driveway. Another day they washed their cars. I looked real close and they both have two eyes and they both wore clothes. They also had an 18 foot pole in front of their home with an American Flag flying atop it. So that's it; we'll all soon have immaculate lawns, clean vehicles and we'll wave the flag. Ingenious agenda. But I looked closer and discovered flowers and plants and bird feeders and gnomes in their backyard. Then, to my horror, I discovered flowers and plants and bird feeders and gnomes in a lot of yards in the neighborhood. I ran back to my MIL house, grabbed my wife and told her no matter what I'd never leave her. The gay agenda is sheer genious.

[LisaM]

1. This is a very very funny post

Thanks.

[Cronus Protagonist]

49. Obviously you've never read The Gay Agenda

Here, edify yourself: http://cronus.com/agenda

:evilgrin:



Educate A Freeper - Flaunt Your Opinions!
http://brainbuttons.com/home.asp?stashid=13

[blm]

2. heheh.... Bravo....

Did you take your genius pill again, today?

[tanyev]

3. They're flying an American flag?

They are so devious!

[TallahasseeGrannie]

4. BOSS, I have often maintained

that if we let gay folks get married, they will have nicer lawns that we do. This cannot stand. Your observations prove that out.

[Dulcinea]

42. My gay neighbor doesn't have gnomes.

But he has an absolutely beautiful lawn, backyard pond, & has done wonders with his house. It's a showplace inside!

He's also very sweet & watches our house for us when we're away.

Oh, the horror of having a gay neighbor! :sarcasm:

[seemunkee]

57. Damn right

It's hard enough keeping up with the straight guy next door.
At least I have a neocon on the other side of me that is pretty easy to out do.

[wicket]

5. I love you Bosshog!!!!

:yourock:

[CottonBear]

6. LOL! Flag poles, yard gnomes AND bird feeders! What a brilliant plan!

How are you doing BOSS? It sounds like you had a nice holiday in Kansas! :hi:

My azaleas, irises and roses are blooming and the dayliles are about to bloom. It's beautiful here in Georgia. The nights are cool and the days are warm and sunny!

[BOSSHOG]

16. We have gnomes all over the place

and my wife is always looking for more. Had a great visit with the MIL over Mother's Day. It was 42 one more morning. I didn't pack for that kind of weather. Also had the opportunity to spend a couple of days in our old stomping grounds in Fayetteville, Arkansas. Its hot as hell here. Still haven't decided what to do with the clear ground Katrina provided us. The healthiest thing I have right now are Hydrangeas and they drink about as much as I do. We've planted some wave petunias by the south kitchen window. I believe they have some weed DNA, they grow very well. Tomato fest in the quarter June 10th. My MIL wants me to do some shopping for her in New Orleans so I might have to make another trip as well. One of her fellow widow neighbors wants an Alligator Head for her grandson and they are readily available in the French Market. Gosh, the bad luck that I have to go to New Orleans again.

[sinkingfeeling]

27. Heck, Boss, why didn't you stop in while in Fayetteville?

[BOSSHOG]

28. We had a great visit

I went to UA and graduated in 79 and its incredible how the campus has changed since then. We drove around south Fayetteville and some of those old neighborhoods haven't changed at all. We lived in Farmington while I was in College working parttime for Channel 5 (before I got on full time with Channel 29 after graduation.) We had lunch at Ole for Jose's on Dickson Street and I bought my wife a necklace at Ooohlala. I truly love Fayetteville although I no longer have family alive there. And when we drove up we took old Highway 71 from Alma to Fayetteville - beautiful geography. Enjoy your time there. You are mkaing life long memories right now.

[CottonBear]

29. My neighbors across the street have a collection of little yard gnomes!

They're very subtly placed in the front garden. They sort of blend into the landscape! :)

Of course, I'm a pink flamingo kind of person! My flamingos are happily standing among the pink Gumpo azalea which are blooming in my patio garden at this very moment! ;)

Is it still dry down there? We've not had much rain here lately but it has also been unseasonally cool.

[BOSSHOG]

30. We got a lot of rain in early May

but now its hot and dry again. Our county fathers have put the burn ban back into effect and I think its the right call. We'll get rid of the brush when its safe to do so. I appreciate them erring on the side of caution. The county still does controled and supervised burns so we are making progress. We also have pink flamingos. We even have a pink flamingo bird feeder with floppy wings. A couple of years ago I got my wife a flamingo pin with blinky lights all over it. She has Pink Flamingos set outside her office building at Stennis. For awhile she worked in a trailor there and her and her fellow co-conspirators really tackeyed the place up. We also have wooden pink flamingos around the fire place. As youngins would say, way cool. We got them in a neat little shop just off Jackson Square but it has not opened since the hurricane. And our Christmas tree is a lighted Palm Tree. And of course we have at least one of anything Jimmy Buffet ever produced.

[CottonBear]

36. The burn ban is a very good idea.

Brush fires and house fires could result form burns out of control. I'm sure the local fire department has enough to do with out worrying about out of control brush fires. Hopefully, you'll get some rain soon. We need rain here too.

Your flamingos sound wonderful. What was the name of the pink flamingo store in NOLA? I may have been in there. Your palm tree Christmas tree sounds perfect! I saw Jimmy Buffett once at the Omni in Atlanta in 1981 or 1982. Unfortunately, I had seats at the very back of the nosebleed section. I still enjoyed the concert but Jimmy looked teeny-tiny from where I was sitting!

My SIL finally was able to return home to Lacombe from Kentucky and sleep in her very own bed for the first time since Katrina! Of course, she's very lucky to still have a home. I know someone from coastal MS who is paying on a mortgage for what is now a concrete slab. The insurance company is refusing to pay (wind or water argument). At least he and his wife escaped the storm with their computers, cars and small airplane (which he uses for his business.)

Y'all take care! We'll let you know when we head that way. My SIL said we should wait to come down until she gets her house back in order. I need NOLA & Cajun food something bad!

Edit: BTW, my new neighbor is gay. He has tasteful garden ornaments (ceramic elepahnts and birdbaths) and seems to enjoy gardening. He's very neat and tidy gardener who is not afraid to wield the pruning shears! This has encouraged me to prune my wayward shrubs and plants!

[BOSSHOG]

40. I'll do (or not do) whatever mr fire marshall tells me

The store was Caribbean Connection (or something very close). It was located between Decatur and Chartres to the left of St Louis Cathedral (as you faced the cathedral.) A neat little place with lots of wood imports from Indonesia. It sits vacant now, heartbreaking. Great news about your sister in law. You mention Insurance companies! My congressman (whom I'm very proud of - Gene Taylor (Big D), Missisippi) said that there should be a national registry for insurance executives like there is for sex offenders so you can find out if one lives next door to you. His angst was a result of the insurance companies actions after the hurricane. We were very fortunate. We had a small claim and state farm wanted to get rid of us so they paid off quickly. The agent said if I had a reasonable estimate they'd settle. I only had one estimate and the agent didn't come to the house. We were as honest as we possibly could have been. Damn liberals. You take care and savor that first bite of a baked erster poyboy dressed with lettuce and tomato and onion and dripping all over your hands and face. Maybe you can wash it down with a fancy drink with an umbrella. Oh My!

[jbnow]

54. OK, I have gay neighbors,

a guy next door and a couple of guys across the street. They have the most beautiful laws on the block and nice hedges and flowers. Really nice. The guy next door mows my lawn when he mows his and tidies things up that might need it. (like hanging my hose nicely, straightening a garden fence.) Their houses are great outside and inside.

I worked with a gay couple (men) and when I visited them their lawn and gardens were wonderful too. Their house was so clean and decorated great. I've been to some of their friend's houses and saw the same thing.

I hate to stereo-type but what is it with gay men? I have gay female friends and I can't stereo-type them. Some are clean, some are messy, some have good lawns, some don't.

There has to be gay male home owners who are slobs, right? I just don't know them.

So is it the gay men pushing this agenda? Oh no, if they get their way will I have to keep my house clean? I love a clean house but I am just lazy. My neighbor is moving next month. Will I have to manicure my own lawn?

This must be stopped. We must go with the lazy straight woman agenda, where dandelions are lovely lawn decorations and messy homes are signs of greatness.

[schrodingers_cat]

47. the gnome that lives in our neigborhood dissapears, then

pops up in other neighbors' yards. I attribute it to the fact that it is seated on a snail, and therefore travels in short increments during the nightime hours. That and the fact that it's garish and hideous.

[Sanity Claws]

48. Free the Gnomes!!

Next thing you'll know they'll have fairies in their yard.

[bluefish]

7. You are funny

This made me laugh.

[teenagebambam]

8. There are gay people in Kansas? Who knew?

[greekspeak]

24. There are even gay people in ALABAMA!

Part of our insidious gay agenda...live our lives in towns all over America. BWAHAHAHAHA...soon all America will be converted into promiscuous same sex sluts! And women everywhere will start softball teams and gay men will run in packs, making people over! Everything is going according to plan....

[AnneD]

31. Good God.....

the end times are with us. Can the rapture be far behind. I just want to know how many of these illegal aliens are gay, I mean I always see them with bandannas and all. I mean to tell you that we can keep some of the illegal gays out, but this treachery goes deeper. I recommend that the police start registering all boys involved in dance school and singing classes. All boy in speech class for lisps should be required to go to gender reclaimation classes. All male florist, personal shoppers, decorators, and hair dresser should have to carry cards too. And don't even get me started with theater folks. Buying clothes of the opposite sex should be against the law. I know these seem like extreme measures, but it has to be done to save our way of life.

[BOSSHOG]

32. You are so right

May I add that "christian conservative" gentlemen who visit gay bath houses while on "business trips" away from home be held up to public scorn. That would be only right and can you just literally hear the cringing of some free republic members who are checking out our jocularity?

[kansan]

45. You betcha

Yes, we have Gay Pride in Kansas. In my small town there are gay teachers, physicians, attorneys, store owners, farmers and nurses. Heck, I even know a couple of gay construction workers. I don't think any one really gives a hoot about one's sexual orientation, except maybe some of the redneck republicans.

[Skittles]

62. OK I HAVE TO ASK

DO THOSE GAY CONSTRUCTION WORKERS HOOT AND HOLLER AT GOOD-LOOKING MEN WALKING BY? :7

[OldLeftieLawyer]

9. Yep,

there goes the neighborhood, just like when the ::: ahem :::: 'others' started moving in. Fixing up properties, taking care of things, being good neighbors, doing it all right, and, worst of all, being nice to everyone.

WHERE WILL IT END???????

Bastards.

[saltpoint]

53. Couldn't agree more. Those gay people will stop at nothing!

And I heard they all want the right to VOTE, too!

[spuddonna]

10. GASP! The 18 ft pole is obviously a gay pride phallic symbol!

All the other men in the neighborhood will become envious and will want it! It's how they lure the unsuspecting into their yard! I caution you to stay far away from it! It probably vibrates! :hide: :evilgrin:

[pinto]

11. LOL.

[MuseRider]

12. It is hard to resist

that agenda! The toasters must be to die for too.

[donco6]

13. You're on to us!

And we thought we were being so damn clever.

[BR_Parkway]

14. LOL - Sadly, I kill everything green I touch - it's my spouse's job to do

the plants and flowers (also the vegetable garden which means we get to eat!)

If a part of the gay agenda is to get a green thumb, you're going to have to get in line - they haven't even finished getting them to all us homos yet.

[TechBear_Seattle]

15. To each, his own gifts

I have absolutely no sense of fashion or interior design. As long as my clothes don't stink and aren't obviously soiled, I'm set for any occasion, from lounging in front of the television to a romantic evening out. On the other hand, I'm a fabulous cook and have a thumb greener than the Arcata, California city council.

[The Doctor.]

17. Can I please dress this up as an anecdote...

embellish it a teenie bit, and send it to some fundies that send crap to me about the "Gay Agenda"?

I'll attribute it in any way you'd like.

[BOSSHOG]

21. Please, help yourself

One of the guy's mother lives in town and she visits her son often. I am a veteran and I view the "gay agenda" as the desire by a group of law abiding, tax paying American citizens to be protected by the constitution and enjoy constitutional liberties just like everybody else. I also view "fundies" as domestic enemies of the constitution because of their desire to prevent groups of Americans they hate in the name of Jesus Christ from having such liberties and I look forward to a civil war. Please check out my sig line and please share this combat zone veteran's warmest regards with whomever you choose to communicate with. Good Luck.

[ChWalker]

18. Lawn gnomes? suspicious.

You may have been taken in by impostors.
Their gay cards could be revoked for putting anything kitsch in the yard
that isn't a pink flamingo.

If you will provide the street address, I can see to it.

[Skittles]

63. BWAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAAA

THE FUNNIEST FIRST POST I EVER READ!!! :thumbsup:

[Vickers]

19. I find it oddly unsettling that they have garden gnomes.

I mean, REALLY! :P

"I thought it my patriotic duty to keep an eye on those two." :rofl:

[lumberingbear]

20. My neighbors across the street (both 86 years old)......

told me they couldn't figure out how I spent 3 years 1000 miles away taking care of my mother and still have the nicest lawn in the neighborhood.

BBBBRRRRRRAAAAAHHHHHHHAAAAAAHHHHHAAAA

They just don't know do they!!! (Or do they :shrug: )

BOSSHOG :yourock:

[progressoid]

22. I don't care what gnomes do in private but in the back yard???

Oh, wait, I think I misread the post.

Never mind.

[greekspeak]

23. We also fold laundry in neat stacks to store it.

Clintmax and I are always cleaning out our cars. Its part of our gay agenda to, uh, well, um, have things look nice? Oh, and undermine marriage! I do, after all, want to ruin the institution of marriage for everyone. I will probably open up a storefront soon, out of which I will try to convert straight men to my 'lifestyle." :eyes:

[meegbear]

25. This is how we recruit neighborhoods ...

and turn rugged, wholesome towns into municipalities of sleaze!

BWAH-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

[Lisa]

65. yes, and that explains why so many wine stores, kitchen emporiums

... and home design/antique shops suddenly start popping up in industrial zones! Like evil, neatly-ornamented mushrooms. I've been keeping an eye on a street downtown, which has sprouted an artisan bakery, a soapworks, and a shop that sells upscale gardening tools and heritage seeds. The horror! They've taken over a perfectly-acceptable row of boarded-up properties and squeezed out the pawnshop and pornographic comic store (and the boat supply place, which is now down by the dock, of all the illogical places for it to go). The area used to be dirty, drab, and full of unemployed people, and somehow the city council has been lulled into thinking that nicely-decorated storefronts and clean streets bustling with shoppers are a step up. But we know that the sleaze is just lurking behind those restored Victorian facades, just ready to burst out ... okay, so the town wasn't inundated with brimstone on the day after the province allowed same-sex marriage, but it's well known that brimstone has a viscosity somewhat similar to ketchup and doesn't come out all at once. It could take years or even decades before it corrodes the moral and cultural fabric ... oh, the humanity!

[sinkingfeeling]

26. I laughed so hard, I'm choking!!

[motocicleta]

33. Bosshog, did you ever know that you're my hero?

You ever go to motorcycle.com? They have a pretty homophobic message board that could use your talent, if you ever get bored. I go their to piss myself off sometimes, I'm not sure why.
I think I'm just guessing you ride, from your screen name, but I may have confirmed that with you in the past. Let me know if I'm off base here.

edited to add: oooh, my 357th post. I'll never post again.

[BOSSHOG]

37. Hello Teammate

Actually Bosshog is a name my Sailors gave me because I was/am an obnoxious Arkansas Razorback fan and I was the Boss. But they did truly love me. I was a benevolent Hog. I get a kick out of people who chitchat in a homophobic manner. I'm 50+ years old and have yet to find a reason to denigrate homosexuals. I served with them in the Navy and they were a helluva lot more reliable then the drunks and wife beaters and credit card abusers we had to depend on to get the mission accomplished. I really do think there is legitimacy in the "thou dost protest too much" to those guys who whine about gays. Continue to enjoy your "womens" teammate.

[motocicleta]

58. I had some fun watching the 95(?) Razorback BBall team,

even though I am more of a Pac10 homer, so I can understand the hog ref. I have worked with and known enough homosexuals to have found some bad ones and realized it had nothing to do with sexual preference. You can find a-holes in any crowd.

I prefer to think of it as "methinks the lady doth protest too much", and I use it on the motorcycle chat board as often as I can with one particularly obnoxious homophobe. The great thing is, a bunch of the libertarian/repub types on the motoboard have picked it up and started to slam this one guy, whose screeds are so overly sexualized that it really is disgusting. I'm not sure we're doing the right thing, but it's definitely getting to him.

Peace

[IndyOp]

34. Check out the ads on this page - Garden Gnomes & American Flags!

:rofl:

These ads are driving me a bit nuts - in 4 different locations on every page, but at least these cracked me up.

[CottonBear]

38. Now the ads are for military dating services and military singles sites!

:rofl: I missed the yard gnome and flagpole ads. :)

edit: Those ads appear when you look at the original post! LOL!

[AnneD]

35. This whole tread

reminds me of "To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar". I'll have to see it again tonight.

[IronLionZion]

39. The gays are so crafty that nothing seems out of the ordinary

...just the way they planned. If you think your life is not falling apart....

it's because they WANT YOU TO THINK THAT!!! muahaha!

Too late boss, you're gay. Go get a pet poodle and a manicure immediately.

[BOSSHOG]

41. Pure genious indeed

No wonder "conservatives" have their pantys in a wad about the incredible agenda. Oh my; do "conservatives" wear pantys?

[IronLionZion]

43. All conservatives wear panties and are jealous of Bill Clinton nt

[Arugula Latte]

44. Scary Freaks!

What will we tell the children ... gardening and car washing ... :scared:

[MsAnthropy]

46. Good one!

:thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup:

[driver8]

50. Isn't it amazing that gays are people just like the rest of us?

They work hard, pay taxes, have loved ones, have parents, a hometown, have hobbies, love this country...the list goes on. Funny how that works, isn't it?

I have always been a huge supporter of Gay Rights but I'll tell you what...If that gnome crap doesn't stop then I may have to reconsider my position.

Great post BOSSHOG!!

[Brazenly Liberal]

51. Dammit, I knew they were up to something.

The horror!! What will we tell the children?

[Coexist]

52. They are trying to make us women who don't properly care

for our lawns and homes obsolete. Damn them.

...just wait til y'all need my eggs. Just wait.

[Vinca]

55. I think your guys have a summer home down the road from me.

They're always mowing, have a giant flower garden and their windows are always being washed. I hate when that happens. Damn gays.:rofl:

[BlueManDude]

56. There are two suspicious types like that in my building. Hmmmm

best keep an eye on 'em.

[spooky3]

59. I let one of them touch me!

My hair looks great. Where will it all end?

:sarcasm:

[aQuArius]

60. My Dad and his Partner won YARD OF THE MONTH!!!

Pure scandal!! If you think that's bad, you should see how beautifully the inside of their house is decorated!!!

[Skittles]

61. BOSSHOG YOU RAWWWWWWWWWWK

:D

[Desolation]

64. Nice one

The homosexual agenda will destroy us all!

Or maybe there really isn't one.

[Rowdyboy]

66. If I'm ever in a tight spot, I hope you've got my back.....I've had some

very good military friends before (some real nutcase national guard special forces people) and they are the absolute best. They didn't give a shit what I did in the bedroom either. You remind me a lot of them.

[xchrom]

67. you obviously get a toaster AND a panini grill.

[styersc]

68. There is no way that you will convince me that there are self-

respecting homosexuals who own and display garden gnomes. Well, maybe in Kansas.

[Buns_of_Fire]

69. Gnomes? All over the neighborhood? Gawd, EVERYBODY'S gay!

I'd check out the neighborhood and do an inventory of who's acquired a new toaster recently, if I were you! As Barney would say, "We've gotta nip. This. In. The. Bud!"

I know I'll be watching the Travelocity commercials with a whole new frame of reference, from now on. Very insidious, indeed. First gnomes, then matching socks, who knows WHERE this could end?

[GreenInNC]

70. gnomes! check out these

http://www.prankplace.com/gnomes.htm

[WestSeattle2]

71. Falwell WAS right...

and it all started with Tinky Winky. Can you imagine gay people mowing their lawns in public? The audacity. What are they, exhibitionists?

And gnomes in the backyard! I bet the gnomes are gay too. Next year it will be the gay gnome pride parade, just watch. What an incidious agenda THOSE people have.

I'm going to church in the morning to learn how I can hate THOSE people even more.

[Cha]

72. Your MIL's Gay Neighbors

sound a lot like our Neighbors we have in upper state NY. I walk past their house a lot and notice all the flowers and trees so elegantly landscaped and the USA Flag flying from a pole on their front yard and I peek around to their backyard to see what other luscious flora they have. The last time I looked I saw another flag in the back, this one was the Rainbow Flag :)

One of these neighbors is a flight attendent who travels all over the world and when he comes into the co-op we have conversations about different countries and politics. I look forward to these encounters.

Great story, bosshog!