An Internet on why all you dumb liberals know nothing about the Internets

[Bjorn Against]

Republicans have proven time and time again that they understand science while liberals reject it. The liberals believe in a theory called Darwinism, but us Republicans have proven time and time again that the theory of evolution does not hold up to the facts. See liberals may say they have evolved, but us Republicans sure haven't. We are still the same people we were in the thirteenth century, we haven't evolved a bit.

Try arguing with me on that one, I challenge you to name one well known Republican member of Congress who has evolved. Now I know all of you are stumped, and you realize all your liberal ideas are wrong. All of a sudden Darwin doesn't make so much sense anymore does he?

Well like Darwinism, us right-wingers also understand the internets far better than you people do. You still refer to it in the singular, but people like George Bush and Ted Stevens know better. Al Gore even claimed to invent the internet, well my response is so did I. I am writing an internet right now, and I going to dump that internet into a series of tubes, and those tubes will carry it into your home to destroy your liberal mindset.

Now some of you are probably pretending that Al Gore never claimed to have invented the internet, but us conservatives know better. It doesn't matter that there is no quote of Gore ever saying such a thing, because Ann Coulter says it is true and she is even a part of our liberal media.

So don't you know nothing people get your panties in a wad over us Republicans wanting to regulate the internets without your stupid net-neutrality provision in place, because we understand the internets better than you do. That is why the people of America (a registered trademark of Diebold Corporation) elected us.

If we don't regulate it the tubes of the internets will keep growing, and the terrorists could find ways to exploit them. The internets may not be a truck, but if we don't regulate the size of those tubes you may be able to drive a truck through them. Just think what the terrorists could do with that, poison gas being sent through those tubes would be the least of our concerns you could have a suicide bomber drive right into your living room because the tubes have gotten so big.

So don't worry your little liberal heads off, us Republicans understand science and we understand the internets. Just leave all your problems to us, because we are the party of ideas.

[BulletproofLandshark]

1. That's hilarious!

You might want to add a sarcasm icon to the end of that though. Some people might only read the first few lines and be ready to string you up. :rofl:

[Oversea Visitor]

2. You funny

Fart through mouth :rofl:

[Lost-in-FL]

3. You got me for a few seconds

:rofl: :spray:

[knowbody0]

4. ok smartie panty in a wad new guy

welcome! hope you keep on posting

[Burma Jones]

5. Welcome to DU

And there really are two Internets......

[Minnesota Libra]

6. That is hilarious and by the way WELCOME to DU and I hope................

....we see more of your articles. BTW, what part of MN are you in??

[Bjorn Against]

7. Thank you...

You will see more posts from me, I love writing. Many of my posts are more serious than this one was, but I love to satirize Republicans. Whenever they do something stupid I feel like I need to help them articulate their position.

As far as my home goes, well unfortunately I am currently living in suburbia. Inver Grove Heights to be exact. How about yourself?

[ima_sinnic]

8. kind of a Colbert in the making . . .

good job, keep writing!

[Bjorn Against]

10. Thank you for the compliment

Unfortunately I will never be able to live up to Colbert, but I hope I can at least make some people laugh and think at the same time.

[prole_for_peace]

9. dang...

you had me until your third sentence. sneaky...

now i have an anger hangover. i got all upset and then just had to let it all go. i guess i could have yelled at my cats or something.

[Kurovski]

11. You've convinced me!

And besides, I'm weary of worrying. :-)