|
a few others. I have given both yourself and DU credit. They may want to contact you to confirm that you are the source of origin. I get lots of letters published and they will often call me to make sure I was the author. Do you have an e-mail address you would be comfortable PMing me with so I can include it in my submittal?
Below is the text of my letter to the papers.
I wish I had written this but I didn't. I did, however get permission from the author to send it to you.
While I was visiting a website, Democratic Underground, that I have spent much time on in the last six years I found the following post:
MEMO TO ALL ELECTED REPRESENTATIVES
By Nancy Greggs
We, the People (who you might vaguely remember from your last election campaign), have been so completely impressed with your work ethic, we have unanimously decided to adopt it as our own nation-wide model.
This will lead to some major changes across the country, and we wanted to give you a heads-up on how things will be operating from now on.
A more complete schedule will be available in future, but here are a few things you might want to take into consideration as you acclimate yourself to the new way of American life.
If you have ordered a new vehicle, please be advised that delivery time is now three to five years from date of purchase. This is due to the fact that assembly-lines in the automotive industry will be shut down for several days each week in order for workers to discuss flag-burning, its implications and possible consequences.
Those of you scheduled for medical tests, procedures and/or surgery should contact your local hospital to confirm dates for same. Doctors, nurses, and all attendant medical staffers will be debating same-sex marriage on a regular basis, which will require even emergency rooms to be closed for lengthy periods of time.
Gas stations will be shut down on a rolling schedule, so please check in your area for the timing of closures. Station owners and operators, along with mechanics, will be meeting to discuss the outrageous price of gas, as well as possible price gouging being perpetrated by major oil suppliers. Like you, they won’t actually DO anything about it, but it is an important topic that SOMEONE should explore.
We advise that you stock up on staple food items, as workers from grocery stores, farmers’ markets and major chain stores that sell produce, meat and dairy products will be busy attending at various photo-ops scheduled to take place across the country on an ongoing basis.
All schools, colleges and other educational institutions will continue to operate, but on a sporadic schedule to allow for teachers’ attendance at $2,000-per-plate fundraisers, discussion groups, prayer breakfasts, fact-finding junkets to exotic places, et cetera.
Some of you may have already noticed that road construction in the D.C. area has been slowed to a virtual standstill. This is due to the fact that road maintenance workers have been engaging in time-consuming debates re the viability of building bridges-to-nowhere and the attendant complications and costs thereof.
Many service-oriented workers will be unavailable for weeks at a time (this includes take-out food deliverymen, IT personnel, dry-cleaners, couriers, bartenders, wait staff, etc.), due to traveling to Iraq in order to see for themselves what the hell is going on there – even though they will, as per your example, do absolutely nothing to alter the disastrous conduct of the war. Full reports will be on your desks within the next decade.
By the way, you may have already encountered difficulty in traveling lately. This is due to transportation workers (including airline, train and transit system personnel) being on their annual summer recess. Similar recesses are scheduled to coincide with your own, so please be advised to make the necessary arrangements in future.
You may experience lengthy delays in acquiring foreign goods (including clothing, furniture, computer parts and American flags) as dock workers and other personnel at our country’s ports will now be working a two-day week. This is necessary to accomodate their meetings to name military bases, and send out birthday and anniversary greetings to all and sundry. This will undoubtedly result in major inconvenience for everyone, as uninspected cargo will have to remain unloaded until they can find the time necessary to do their jobs.
In addition to the above, ALL employees in the United States will be taking three-day weekends from now on, in order to discuss, debate and finally pass non-binding resolutions that mean nothing, and accomplish less.
In view of the above noted changes, there will of necessity be a drastic reduction in your remuneration in the near future, and we wanted to prepare you for that inevitable circumstance. The reason for this is two-fold: (a) being as you are paid via taxpayer money (hey, that’s US!) and feel free to vote yourselves raises, We The People have decided to vote ourselves substantial raises which will be funded from the same source. Ergo, our tax remittances will be reduced by the amount we have decided to pay ourselves above our former salaries. And (b) in view of the fact that you have not found a viable global health care system to cover all of us, we have voted to give ourselves the same benefits you enjoy, at your expense.
I realize you probably have a lot of questions, but we American citizens are extremely busy people and may not be able to respond immediately – or at all. Please feel free to send an email or a fax, or leave a message on our office answering machine. We will eventually respond with a form letter that you are sure to find helpful.
You are probably reading this and thinking, “Oh, my God, you simply CAN’T run a country like this!”
And that is exactly the point.
Sent to you by
Buddy P. Gill
address redacted
San Jose, Ca. 95110
phone # redacted
You can contact the author at
|
Printer-friendly format
Email this thread to a friend
Bookmark this thread
(1000+ posts)
Send PM |
Profile |
Ignore
