Hate Mail... Boy, Do I Get Hate Mail

[Bob Geiger]

Well, it's Friday, which means it's time to look in the old Democratic Underground mailbag and see what conservative Nobel Laureate or Fox News devotee tries to give me my comeuppance this week.

While this week was quite the grab bag and it was hard to weed through the mostly-illiterate lot, here's some examples of the correspondence sent to me and the most sincere responses I can muster.

Mr. Robert Lackey writes:

lamont looks like that crazy guy on TV who claims he killed jon benet

To which I reply….

Dear Robert,

First of all, a basic rule of life is that, if you're a guy named "Lackey," you shouldn't be making fun of anyone else. Second, I took a look at many pictures of Democratic Senatorial nominee Ned Lamont and just flat-out can't see the resemblance you claim.

However, I did do some legwork to track down a photo of you and the best I could find was an old high school yearbook photo from the 1977 Rancho Cucamonga Centurion and, well, you take a look. Here's John Mark Karr:



And here's your 1977 senior picture.



Now, I'm no expert in this field, but it looks to me like…. Naw, couldn’t be.

* * * * *
In an e-mail with the subject line BYE BYE MUTHA MURTHA, "Neal" opines:

Yet another fat-assed lib traitor … bites the dust!

TRY JUST ONCE … NOT TO RUN A LIBTARDO TRAITOR for any political office!

LOL!

And I say…

Dear Neal;

I'm not quite sure what you mean by Congressman John Murtha being on the road to biting the dust but, as I so often am forced to do with you semi-literate right-wingers writing to me, I'll try to figure out what your babbling means.

I assume that you believe that Murtha's dim-witted Republican challenger, Diana Irey, will prevail in the November 7 general election and remove Murtha from his seat in the House of Representatives.

So I'll tell you what: Since there's no way you would just talk trash without the willingness to back it up, I'm willing to make you a straight-up wager of $500.00 on the race in Pennsylvania's 12th district. I believe that Murtha, the man you say will "bite the dust," will win. I'll take him. You take the vacuous Ms. Irey.

Deal?

And, if you're the age suggested by your writing ability, please ask your Mommy and Daddy before making this wager.

* * * * *
A real humanitarian, Mr. Jason Worley, writes:

While searching minimum wage rates by state, I came across your site (opinion). Who really cares if high school students, uneducated workers and illegals get an increase in their wages? They should continue their education and not depend on politicians to give them a raise. The people who work for these low wages are probably getting other forms of taxpayer-funded assistance, so I don't really feel sorry for the non go-getters.

To which I reply:

Dear Jason;

Your thoughts are so filled with bigoted, pre-judging nonsense that it’s difficult to know where to begin. So I'll simply say that it's not really appropriate for someone who has had it so easy in life to judge others this harshly.

After all, you were raised in the comfort of an upper-middle class household with a mother who was able to stay home with you and a father who brought home a hefty, six-figure salary with generous benefits. As kind of a slacker and never much of a student, your high school grades were, to put it mildly, disappointing. But given the choice of college or putting your life on the line in the military, you opted to use Daddy's connections and got into a fine university.

While it took you six years to make it through college, with a GPA that made your high school grades look positively stellar, your prestigious school, and plentiful contacts with the fathers of your fraternity brothers, landed you a cushy job. While hardly qualified for your chosen profession -- and despite a lack of work ethic bred by years of having everything given to you -- you've managed to kiss enough butt to "work" your way up the ladder, into a lucrative senior-management position with your father-in-law's company.

This is you isn't it, Jason? Because if it isn't, my making these kinds of judgments despite not even knowing you or your real circumstances would make me a complete idiot and an asshole -- wouldn't it?

* * * * *
Tune in next time for another edition of the Friday Fruitcakes. And, for you hateful, self-loathing Republicans – keep those cards, letter and e-mails coming.

You can reach Bob Geiger at [e-mail] and read more from him at BobGeiger.com

[Momgonepostal]

1. You rock, Bob Geiger!

Great responses!

(That 3rd letter made me especially mad. Republicans are supposedly so anti-welfare, but have no problem letting to be used to subsidize workers they don't feel like paying a living wage.)

[sinkingfeeling]

2. Great replies, but 'Jason' will never understand.

[Ishoutandscream2]

3. No, he certainly won't

Jason doesn't have the capacity, like most conservatives, to walk in someone else's shoes.

[gratuitous]

4. Hee, hee, hee

The photoshop on Mr. Lackey was great. The response to Jason was good, but I probably would have riffed on his reference to minimum wage earners receiving other forms of taxpayer-funded assistance.

Dear Jason:

You're probably right; a lot of folks on minimum wage are probably eligible for all kinds of taxpayer-funded assistance. Which means that instead of Wal-Mart paying its employees a living wage, this multi-billion dollar corporation foists a significant cost of doing business off on to you and me. Are you happy that your tax dollars are going to support wage chiselers like Wal-Mart, which can easily afford to pay its employees? Because if you are, you're even stupider than I first thought you were.

[spooky3]

5. Clever! Thanks.

[Totally Committed]

6. Re: That wager with "Neal".....

Maybe Neal's last name is "Diebold", and he knows something you don't. Just saying.

Keep that $500 tightly clutched in your fist until Murtha is deemed duly elected. You know how slimy those Republican Nobel Laureats can be.... :rofl:

TC

[xchrom]

7. ...

:woohoo: :applause: :woohoo:

[FSogol]

8. "This is you isn't it, Jason?"

:rofl:

[Downtown Hound]

9. That third email demonstrates how ignorant Repukes really are

One of the major problems with welfare in my opinion is that the folks on it aren't allowed to make any private income or they lose it. I've known people who are on welfare and want to get off of it, but they're afraid to actually go out and get a job because the job won't pay them enough to live on and they will lose their welfare and the means to support themselves if they do. So they're stuck. It's a catch 22. That is why people become addicted to welfare. It isn't because they're lazy.

[4_TN_TITANS]

10. That wasn't Jason that was me in many ways....

But,I made it through college in just 5 years, I have a lot of similarities to the Jason Worley that Bob describes. My father could have easily landed me a cush job but he didn't and I started out sweating in the factories alongside people who never would have any other option. I've been able to climb the ladder a little, but I'll never forget the lessons or the humility.

Keep it coming, Bob! I'm always so amazed at how many conservative baffoons there are... :)