Life through the eyes of a bushiite

[Timbuk3]

*If you spell George Bush in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
*Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Bushtatorship.
*George Bush is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like George Bush.
*George Bush can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell "What The Hell was That?"
*Time waits for no man. Unless that man is George Bush.
*The George Bush military unit was not used in the game Civilization 4, because a single George Bush could defeat the entire combined nations of the world in one turn.
*George Bush does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.
*When George Bush goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
*George Bush once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more testicles?" contest. George Bush won by 5.
*When George Bush falls in water, George Bush doesn't get wet. Water gets George Bush.
*George Bush CAN believe it's not butter.
*George Bush can divide by zero.
*A picture is worth a thousand words. A George Bush is worth 1 billion words.
*While urinating, George Bush is easily capable of welding titanium.
*George Bush always knows the EXACT location of Carmen SanDiego.
*When taking the SAT, write "George Bush" for every answer. You will score over 8000.
*If you Google search "George Bush getting his ass kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.
*Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears George Bush pajamas.
*There is no such thing as global warming. George Bush was cold, so he turned the sun up.
*It's widely believed that Jesus was George Bush's stunt double for crucifixion due to the fact that it is impossible for nails to pierce George Bush's skin.
*George Bush doesn't play god. Playing is for children.
*As a teen, George Bush had sex with every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional football history.
*George Bush can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
*In an act of great philanthropy, George Bush made a generous donation to the American Cancer Society. He donated 600,000 dead bodies for scientific research.
*Do you know why Baskin Robbins only has 31 flavors? Because George Bush doesn't like Fudge Ripple.
*George Bush is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
*George Bush has a deep and abiding respect for human life... unless it gets in his way.
*On his birthday, George Bush randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
*George Bush invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
*When George Bush talks, everybody listens. And dies.

(OK, these are actually Chuck Norris "facts" that I blatantly ripped of and changed to "Bush facts." Check out the rest of them at the link. Some of them are hilarious. http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com/ )

[LARED]

1. Jack Bauer "facts"

http://www.jackbauerisgod.com/

# 2 If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice.
ave of 109 (from 69 votes) Rate it:

# 78 The city of Los Angeles once named a street after Jack Bauer in gratitude for his saving the city several times. They had to rename it after people kept dying when they tried to cross the street. No one crosses Jack Bauer and lives.
ave of 108 (from 65 votes) Rate it:

# 98 Jack Bauer could strangle you with a cordless phone.
ave of 108 (from 37 votes) Rate it:

# 109 "Jack Bauer" is Arabic for "I'm fucked".
ave of 108 (from 35 votes) Rate it:

# 11 When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer hates lemonade.
ave of 107 (from 32 votes) Rate it:

# 104 Jack Bauer arm once wrestled Superman. The stipulations were the loser had to wear his underwear on the outside of his pants.
ave of 105 (from 39 votes) Rate it:

# 94 Jack Bauer sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
ave of 105 (from 38 votes) Rate it:

# 99 Kim Bauer was an accident. Not even the pill can stop Jack Bauer.
ave of 104 (from 31 votes) Rate it:

# 108 There are no such thing as lesbians, just women who have not met Jack Bauer.
ave of 104 (from 33 votes) Rate

[Timbuk3]

2. Those are great

This is something new to me. I saw a kid wearing a T-shirt with some of these Chuck Norris things on them and just googled it.

Here's a couple more from the Chuck Norris site:

# Chuck Norris once invited all of the other badasses from TV to duke it out in order to see who was the supreme badass. Only two showed up-- Jack Bauer and MacGyver.

# MacGyver immediately tried to make a bomb out of some Q-Tips and Gatorade, but Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the solar plexus. MacGyver promptly threw up his own heart.

# Jack Bauer tried to use his detailed knowledge of torture techniques, but to no avail: Chuck Norris thrives on pain. Chuck Norris then ripped off Jack Bauer's arm and beat him to death with it. Game, set, match.

# Diamonds are not, despite popular belief, carbon. They are, in fact, Chuck Norris fecal matter. This was proven a recently, when scientific analysis revealed what appeared to be Jean-Claude Van Damme bone fragments inside the Hope Diamond.

Some of the others that I didn't c&p would work great for Rummy, Cheney...