Posted this in VA forum as well, but so far, no responses. Any takers?

[SCRUBDASHRUB]

Best friend's husband wrote bigoted letter to editor...WTF?!

Edited on Sun Nov-05-06 12:58 PM by SCRUBDASHRUB
Got to get something off my chest (hope you don't mind):

I've known "Sue" (name has been changed...well you get the idea) for over 30 years (when I was 5). She was the maid of honor in my wedding, and I was the matron of honor in hers. We were best friends throughout elementary, middle, high school, etc. I'm Jewish, and she's Southern Baptist. We've always enjoyed discussing the differences in our background, and she claims she's learned alot about my traditions, etc. from our friendship that she wouldn't have known otherwise. I've expressed the same sentiment to her.

"Sue," who has always been religious, married "Dick" (name appropriately changed...), a guy who's about 7 years older than she and who was divorced and ex-military. This was about 5 years ago. I didn't think he was particularly religious at the time, but they started going to church on a regular basis (he is/was Catholic (don't recall him being that into his religion at the time.).

"Dick" wrote a disgustingly "freeperish," bigoted (same difference to me) letter to the editor of our hometown paper (they still live there, while we've moved to a different city). I found out about it because I was talking to my mother who said, "XXX wrote a letter to the editor and I couldn't even finish it, I was so shocked." I read the editorial online and was really pissed off. The last time I got into any political discussions with her, my friend said she "doesn't like politics" (either that's her way of saying "I don't agree with yours" or "I listen to whatever my husband says..." which, to me, is saying "I am incapable of thinking for myself.").

The letter said, in so many words, to vote yes on the amendment and that if we allowed gay marriage, then what would be next? Polygamy? Brothers marrying sisters? I mean, it was ridiculous!

It is worth noting that, like me and my husband, Dick and Sue were living together before they got married. I mention this for a reason. It's not to sound judgmental. It's to show hypocrisy on their parts. What if she and her-then boyfriend had gotten pregnant and had decided to not get married? Forget about benefits!

My moral dilemna is this: do I start a potential war with my friend (who, while she didn't write the letter, probably "stands by her man") or just continue to not discuss politics as usual? The last time I brought up politics (during the 2004 election), it got very ugly.

I will note that today, several letters have shown up in the newspaper, arguing just the opposite (i.e., to vote no on the amendment, and that people should read the whole thing).

[Nimrod2005]

1. No you can't...IMHO. It is not her fault she has a Dick

in her house...

[Spinzonner]

2. What's the point of arguing with your friend ?

Is it likely to change her mind and for what purpose ?

DO you wish to risk destroying the friendship ?

Do you want to precipitate a conflict in your friend's marriage over it ?

ARe you capable of making points that others can't in response to the letter ?

I think you need to define (to yourself) what a friendship is and what kind this one is.

[SCRUBDASHRUB]

3. My inclination is to continue our friendship and keep politics out

of the discussion. Good point about what kind of friendship this is: I think we may have "outgrown" each other. Don't have much in common anymore. They have kids; we don't. Different views on life. We do have shared history. That's about it. Sad in a way.

I think we all make choices in life; she chose to marry a dick. Too bad her two kids will be growing up in a household of bigotry. I can only imagine if one of them grows up to be gay, how he or she will be treated by his or her parent(s).

[Infinite Hope]

4. Don't...

speak to her about it especially before an election that is so incredibly tense. No friendship is worth losing. This is not the time to talk to her about it. Let the other letters in the paper speak for you. If she cares to listen to the counter argument in the least, she'll read those. In the meantime, don't blow your friendship over one issue 2 days before in intense election.

Hope this helps.

[LibDemAlways]

5. You have to determine if this is worth losing

this particular friendship over. I know many people whose political views are opposite mine. Some are old friends who go way back. I could tell them in plain English what I think of their politics, but then I'd risk losing a long-term friendship and a lot of personal history. Only you can decide if Sue is a friend worth keeping in spite of her marriage to (aptly-named) Dick.

[razors edge]

6. I am assuming the VA forum is veterans?

Please correct me if I'm wrong. (I don't see his vet status as relevant to the issue)

I would not make an issue of it, he will be small part of the overall future decisions made on the issue, and bigoted responses elicit a backlash that money just can't buy.

A friend of mine defended her personal friend, one Tom Noe, against my statements that he was a POS. This was before the M$M picked up on it, now she wants nothing to do with him and is embarrassed for defending him. In dealing with that embarrassment, she avoids me since I was the one who told her.

Let the situation mature, and deal with it at a time when you can make a difference, or let it be and hope he wakes up to the fact his attitude only serves to remove freedom from others, never a reasoned stance IMHO.

[SCRUBDASHRUB]

7. Virginia (sorry if I confused). On Tuesday, we're voting for or

against an amendment to the Constitution of the Commonwealth that would define marriage (it goes further than between a man and a woman; it would limit rights of partners (unmarried, whether gay or straight).

[razors edge]

8. Ahh, that makes sense.

Hoping for the best on that vote.:-)

[SCRUBDASHRUB]

9. You and me both. I'm not terribly optimistic, however.

We'll do our part to vote No. I'd like to give Virginians more credit, but I'm not feeling terribly confident. We'll see.

[razors edge]

10. Virginia is for lovers!

:hi: Maybe they need a reminder of that slogan, and America in general needs to stop limiting the peoples rights as long as they have not infringed on other's rights.

One can hope.

[mitchtv]

15. I think that's been changed to

Virginia is for haters
they have the corner on virtue
too bad nothing is produced to boycott

[Auntie Bush]

11. I think this answers your question.

"I brought up politics (during the 2004 election), it got very ugly."
You already know you will lose a friend. Is it worth it? What could you possibly gain?

[Catherine Vincent]

12. Why did he feel the need to write the letter?

Maybe that's his way of fighting temptation. :)

[SCRUBDASHRUB]

13. Could be. I was surprised when I found out he wrote it.

There were lots of letters in today's paper that were contrary to his opinion. That made me happy.

[SCRUBDASHRUB]

14. I think I'll "let sleeping dogs lie."

Thank you for the insights.