"A secret internal memo circulated by the National Association of Evangelicals (NAE), warns clergy of the need to tone down loving support for Pastor Ted for fear that the churches unrelenting hypocrisy might become common knowledge.
Clearly after gleefully stirring up the nation against the President for a few harmless blow-jobs, we must be very careful about our public stance on a meth head Pastor involved in sodomy."
Banned phrases include: "Hate the sin, not the sinner", "he's only human", "we must forgive".
James Dobson, founder of the organization "Focus on the Family" has been consulted on damage control. Dobson, known as the Karl Rove of the Christian world, has suggested a new strategy that churches should give the appearance of adopting.
Entitled "Focus on our OWN damn Family", it is a radical departure from the outward looking supercilious judgemental priggishness encouraged by the church to date.
It encourages congregations to look inwardly at themselves individually and as a whole and ask difficult questions like, "Am I doing the best I can for Jesus?", "Am I holding back my spiritual power?", "Am I a dirty fag?"
Whether or not this will bring back any semblance of credibility is yet to be seen. In the mean time, the NAE encourage all clergy to continue the good work and fight the good fight, but at all costs avoid getting caught buying meth from gay prostitutes."
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And also:-
"Colorado Springs, Colorado - (ReUterus): In a highly charged emotional address, disgraced homophobe and sacked ex-leader of the National Evanelical Association Pastor Ted Haggard has admitted a lifelong problem. Staring at an autographed personal photo of his spiritual twin brother George W Bush, Haggard told the press: "This is a part of my life that is so repulsive and dark that I've been whoring against it all of my adult life."
And as tears of self-disgust welled up in his baleful eyes, Pastor Ted confessed that like his spiritual twin sibling he is a "deceiver and a liar" who claimed to be an Instrument of the Lord while ignoring the stench of rapture that being a born-again asshole in the Whore Against Terra entails.
Haggard has been replaced at his local church by interim pastor Herb Parsley (sic) who slammed his predecessor at yesterday's Sunday service as being "more obsequious, more repugnant and more transparent" than Bush.
But cynics in the congregation say the jury's still out on that one."
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The new, unique, 2007 Anti-Bush Graffiti Calendar and related items. Larger versions of 3 additional months now available online