Is America Still Too Homophobic?

[PresidentObama]

I'm 18 years old, and I live right smack dab in the middle of the Bible belt in Missouri. And I'm of course gay. And I have this boyfriend named David. I met him during a deep depression. And I kind of credit him in saving my life. Everything about him makes me want him more. He's sweet, he's cute, and he has the personality I could only dream of having. But he's 17 years old. His parents found out about him. Big Christian Republicans. They banned him from talking to me. I can't call him or talk to him. They took his phone, his car, and computer. He has to be picked up everywhere, and taken everywhere.

I miss him terribly. And my question is this: Is America still too homophobic?

I can't believe the ignorance of the American people.

[Redstone]

1. Yes, it is.

Redstone

[kiahzero]

2. That's awful.

:hug:

[Kiouni]

3. sorry for you dilemma

but he won't be 17 forever. be patient and good luck.

[PresidentObama]

4. Thank you for the support.

From one open minded American to another.

:)

[dsc]

5. I am so sorry for you

Sadly America is homophobic. In one year your friend will be an adult and maybe you can be together. Good luck young man.

[uppityperson]

6. yes it is and sorry about your situation.

[Clark2008]

7. Well, it is their right as long as he lives in their home.

Seriously.

But, as the poster upthread said, he won't be 17 forever. BUT, he will have to move out on his own, first, because it's still their house and their rules (being a parent makes me say that much - even though I wouldn't do that to my son).

[PresidentObama]

8. Thank you.

And it saddens me to realize the thousands of young Americans faced with the same situation, and it makes you wonder about the direction of our great nation. And the way ignorance and homophobics beats out open mindedness and equality. Lets hope 2006 is sign of things to come. 2008 on ward!

[PresidentObama]

9. And Clark2008, while I respect your view.

It should be noted they don't own his car (it's under his aunt I believe) and phone. They just took them out of rage. And no parents that love or care for a child should put them in this kind of situation. It's hard enough being gay in this country, and in my state. But your own parents, just horrible.

[Clark2008]

27. Oh - I didn't say it was a good way to raise your child, in fact

I said I wouldn't do it.

BUT, it is their roof, their rules. I agree that their rules suck, however.

[Skip Intro]

10. yep.

Some people just need a boogyman. Some threat to defend against. Some twisted evil that plots to take away their "right" lifestyle. Wrap it all up in flags and bibles and you get a segment of the population that has been demonized by political and "religious" opportunits. Get a sizeable chunk of the majority riled up against the evil minority of the day, and you get homophobia, racism, sexism...a delusional justification for hate.

But I think homosexuality is becoming "acceptable" rather rapidly. There's a long way to go, but I get the sense the ice is melting. How can some people deem themselves authorities over how other people will be "allowed" to live their lives? It seems to me all we have to do is get the bigots to examine their own logic, upon which the conclusion should be reached that no one group of people has a right to tell another group of people how they can peacably be. Maybe I'm a little overly optimistic, but the whole basis for the hatred of and discrimination against gays seems destined to collapse upon iteslf.

At any rate, sorry about your situation. Hang in there. I think your boyfried will eventually realize only he can live his life.

[Selatius]

11. Hey, I live down here in Mississippi. Let me share some of my notes with you.

In the 2004 elections, the fools torched our College Democrats parade float right outside the home we were partying in even though they knew the float was parked right next to the damn building. It was during one of the Kerry-Bush debates, and they did it when most of us were sleeping.

Now, during that same election, the state of Mississippi banned gay marriage and civil unions in the same blow. It's apart of the state constitution. Mississippi is known for a lot of things, and one of them isn't tolerance for different ideas or lifestyles.

In short, America is pretty fucking damn homophobic, and looking at US history, I can't but conclude that America has never been a liberal nation nor will it ever be. At best, it's communitarian, but that's about as far as you're going to get in America.

[Supply Side Jesus]

12. Is the Pope Catholic?

hells yes.

I'm very sorry for your situation.
When my sister came out we were very supportive even though my mom and sis took it very hard. 8 years later we are still welocoming of her relations.

[champt10]

13. Somewhat

America is somewhat homophobic. I think there are some people who I wouldnt call homophobic, but gay people make them uncomfortable. However, I think there are still a ton of homophobic people, and yes, they are found in the bible belt especially.

[Clark2008]

45. Hmmm.... I didn't know that

Colorado, South Dakota, Wisconsin and Idaho were in the Bible Belt.

They all passed gay marriage bans, along with Tennessee, Virginia and South Carolina, which makes your "in the Bible belt especially" statement untrue.

Unfortunately, homophobia knows no metaphysical boundaries in this country.

[Pushed To The Left]

14. What his parents are doing sounds mentally abusive and unethical

It shouldn't be legal to do what they are doing to their son. Luckily, they won't have any legal power over him in less than a year. I'm sorry to hear that you're going through this. Not only does America have a long way to go in terms of gay rights, but America has a long way to go if parents are still legally allowed to emotionally abuse their children for being born a certain way. In my opinion, any parent doing this sort of a thing should lose custody of their children.

[IndyOp]

15. I am from the Bible Belt and I suggest: you

Get Out! Especially while you are young! You can go back later when you are mature and stable and all that other stuff you get to be when you navigated your way through your 20's. Life isn't easy anywhere and homophobia is everywhere. The Bible Belt sucks. David is stuck right now - he either has to do what his parents say or he loses their support. I remember being 17 and desperately wanting out of my parents house, but realising that I would lose their financial support for college. Since I didn't feel I could make it on my own - I stayed. : (

A hug to you :hug:

And warm wishes for David - that he finds his way...

[Sapphocrat]

16. Yes.

It will be of absolutely no consolation to you right now, but trust me: It's not half as homophobic as it was when I was 18 (ca. 1979). It feels worse now, because what you're seeing is the last, desperate attempt by the 'phobes to permanently enshrine their bigotry into law. You, however (but probably not I), will have the last laugh, when, in the foreseeable future, one sweeping decision by SCOTUS will overturn all the rotten anti-gay laws on the books, in every state in the union.

As for your 17-year-old boyfriend, he will be 18 eventually -- and then it will be up to him whether or not to defy his hateful parents.

Until then, this idle time is the perfect opportunity for you to start getting involved with local and statewide LGBT-rights groups. After all, you have a personal stake in dragging Missouri kicking and screaming into the 21st century.

A good place to start would be PROMO: http://www.promoonline.org/

[some guy]

17. I don't know about America

but the US is.

America is more than just the US. U.S. is also less characters to type.

[PresidentObama]

18. Sapphocrat, thanks for the link.

I will check that URL out.

:)

[Sapphocrat]

20. You're most welcome.

Now, go kick some 'phobe ass. :)

[Sapphocrat]

19. P.S.

Any amount of homophobia at all is "too homophobic." There aren't varying degrees; no amount of homophobia is acceptable, any more than a certain level of racism is acceptable.

[Midlodemocrat]

26. You took the words right out of my mouth, Sapph.

*Any* homophobia is too much.

:applause:

[MrSlayer]

21. Yep. Way too racist and sexist as well.

I see it everyday.

[BlueIris]

22. They BANNED him from talking to you?? That is terrible.

Sorry, hon. And yes, this country is still disturbingly, unforgivingly, horrifyingly homophobic.

[Evoman]

23. You need to take care of yourself...you need to see someone about the depression

if you haven't yet. You don't want it happening to you again.

And yes, homophobia is way to rampant..not just in America, but in the world. I'm so sorry that gay teenagers can't have normal lives and loves like the rest of us. You have my sympathies, Kerry2008. P.S...wait till your both legal before you do anything (I'm Canadian, so I don't know what its like in U.S.).

[JI7]

24. what are they going to do when he turns 18 ?

America is far too homophobic. things have improved but we can't deny reality. the good thing is you can find support easier these days. whether it's other young people going through similar things as you or just others who do accept you and would support you.

about the depression you mention, it might be good to get professional help for that regardless of what happens with David.

[eridani]

25. Think ahead

You will both be of legal age soon. That is going to solve a lot of problems for you. And yes, there is still too much homophobia here and in the rest of the world, but things are changing and you will both be a part of that. :grouphug:

[terrya]

28. Yes, it sure is.

We have progressed in this country. But we still have a long way to go.

There are no reasons to deny gay and lesbian people legally recognized same-sex marriage. Except one...homophobia. Do these people who just hate homosexuals and homosexuality in general really, really care whether two guys in Portland, Oregon gets married? It's hatred. That's what's driving the opposition to same-sex marriage.

Hate crimes still, sadly, take place in this country. Gay and lesbian service men and women cannot be open about themselves or risk getting discharged from the military. Of course we know that there are men and women in professional sports who are gay or lesbian...baseball, football, basketball. But there's such homophobia in this country and in these fields that those gay athletes wouldn't dare come out.

And the fact that people even slightly take seriously the idea that being gay is a "choice" that can be "cured" by "ex-gay" groups is very indicative of the homophobia in this country. Any enlightened person would laugh at the very idea.

America is still very much homophobic.

[Mikey929]

29. Mike Adams

To answer your question, I must refer you to Mike Adams, a professor at UNC who is a regular columnist at Townhall.com. Go see for yourself how mainstream it is to attack gays. This guy equates homosexuality with mental illness. Seriously. And he is a paid professor with a book deal and a regular gig as a columnist. And he has speaking engagements. So you can tell how mainstream his views are when you realize he is a popular writer and speaker. Oh, the guy is also a bible-thumping born-again freak who will tell you that you're an absolute sinner for wanting to have relations with the man you love.

If America were not homophobic, this guy would be banned from teaching anyone.

[ncrainbowgrrl]

33. Actually- he teaches at UNC- Wilmington- not at UNC- Chapel Hill (AKA Carolina)

Sorry to be nitpicky- just wanted to clear my alma mater's name...

:hi:

[Mikey929]

40. sorry

Didn't mean to impugn your school! I can see why you don't want to be associated with that guy. I can't believe he is allowed to teach. Ward Churchill gets fired bombed by the mainstream press, but this Adams guy continues to be a model for his students.

[election_2004]

30. Wait until he's 18....

...and his parents kick him out (wouldn't put it past them).

Take him in, and give him a big hug!

[lojasmo]

31. Of course it is.

Kerry won't improve it, BTW. Sorry to hear of your plight.

[JI7]

36. that's such crap

Kerry has a great record on gay rights. far better than Bill Clinton. but even under Bill Clinton it was better for gays than now. so under Kerry it would be far better.

[Withywindle]

32. Yes it is, and I'm so sorry to hear about your situation.

And I disagree that it's his parents' right to do that. A 17-year-old is very nearly an adult, and is an autonomous person with his own needs and desires and parents need to respect that to some degree. Monitoring is one thing; putting him on house arrest is entirely another. (Of course, they feel they're punishing him for something awful - I don't think he's done a damn thing wrong. They feel they're protecting him from further "sin" - I think that's horseshit. And they're not taking HIS feelings into account in the least, which is the abusive aspect.)

I worry so much about situations like this. The suicide rate among gay youth is obscenely high and it's because of things like this. Please look into getting help for your depression. Please look into support groups for gay youth, online at least if there's nothing in your area. Please also look into getting out of your town - yes, there are places that are downright oppressive to live if you're not a straight white right-wing Christian and yours sounds like one of them. You probably would be much happier in St. Louis or Chicago or somewhere like that, even if you have to live poor for a while--and if you can, try to help David find options as well.

You're in my thoughts. I so hope things work out well for both of you.

[PresidentObama]

34. Just wanted to update everyone....

Me and David are communicating through his friend and a pre-paid phone his friend very kindly bought for him. In a few months, he will be moving in with me. And from there, the sky is the limit.

And I agree America is still way too homophobic, but I also know we've made progress. And we have a ways to go.

And to the comment about John Kerry, I don't think that was appropiate. Senator Kerry would be an incredible change of pace from the current administration that promotes hate, and homophobia. John Kerry may be against gay marriage, and I strongly disagree with John on this issue. But I understand his position, and respect it. As do most of the Kerry supporters I know of that are homosexual.

[JI7]

35. wow, great to hear about that

i hope the best for both of you.

and you are right about Kerry. he voted against the defense of marriage act. and has an excellent record on gay rights and would do a lot to improve lives of all people.

[BlueIris]

38. Wow. Glad things are a little better.

This is a great post. I am so happy that even someone who has struggled with as much homophobic bullshit as you have can still agree to disagree with Kerry about same-sex marriage and remain a supporter. (Okay, I'm seriously crying as I post this because of how moved I am by your tolerance.)

[election_2004]

46. Good for you!

That will be hella awesome if you and David find each other this early in your life (I'm 24, gay, and only been on *ONE* date in my entire life!). Even if things don't work out relationship-wise for you two in the long-run, I hope you'll still be able to remain close lifelong friends since you will be helping him get out of a really bad situation.

[WildEyedLiberal]

47. I'm happy things are looking up for you

No one should have to go what you and David are going through just because of who you love. But on the bright side, our generation will end the state-sanctioned bigotry against LGBT people - I believe it.

As to whoever posted the nasty comment about John Kerry (I have them on ignore - it's a great tool for drowning out the negative and trollish elements of DU, trust me), it is clear that they don't care much about your personal plight as much as using you and your username to get in a cheap and nasty slam. How ungracious and meanspirited. A President Kerry would be a great friend to LGBT Americans, and so would pretty much any other Democratic administration.

I'm really inspired by your idealism and activism.

[Fire Walk With Me]

37. Elope to a more favorable environment.

Sounds like anything would be an improvement.

I left Detroit because it couldn't tolerate anyone who didn't eat, breathe, and sleep Van Halen and Led Zeppelin (being a music lover and music technician). Some folks there would be physically violent if you didn't fit into that norm, it was quite unpleasant. Oddly, I liked the girls there more than the ones here in LA, so win some, lose some.

America is in vast need of clarity and perspective to pierce the vast resentment and ignorance of "the other". It is sexually repressed and afraid of emotional intimacy and rejection. We have a way to go. Hope you and yours find someplace peaceful.

[wicket]

39. I am so sorry

:hug:

[Rosemary2205]

41. Parents do this to their childs hetero partner all the time.

Eventually the parents will figure out you can't punish love out of someone. And you know the love won't be going anywhere so eventually you two can rekindle.

[LWolf]

42. I'm surprised you had to ask.

Yes, America is still extremely homophobic.

The fact that there are some people who are not is a good sign. You're 18. Perhaps in your lifetime you will see acceptance grow. I hope so.

[PresidentObama]

43. I again appreciate the kind words.

And I'm preparing to open a CafePress with some very pro-equality and GLBT shirts to help raise money for David. But in any event, it's the cold hard truth that America isn't moving fast enough towards acceptance and equality, and we are behind.

I hope my generation can hammer out this issue, and confront it head on in productive way. I'm very hopeful of that, but also skeptical. Time will tell!

[IndianaGreen]

44. There is homophobia in DU... of course America is homophobic!

Hating and bashing gays is the only acceptable discrimination in this country, particularly on Sunday. The pulpits have become a megaphone for hatred and intolerance!