Live!Rude!Girl! : MySpace Race - Who's The Coolest Candidate?

[AtomicKitten]

From SF's own Live!Rude!Girl! Neva Chonin

San Francisco Chronicle
MySpace race -- who's the coolest candidate?
http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2007/05/31/DDGNTQ40IR1.DTL

Neva Chonin, Chronicle Critic at Large

Thursday, May 31, 2007

The kids are doing it. Rock bands and rappers are doing it. Even the birds and bees are doing it. And now, bringing up the rear, the politicians are doing it. The 2008 presidential election has, inevitably, infested MySpace.

Took them long enough. Consider: If Al Gore had figured out how to make the information superhighway work for him in 2000, and if the superhighway had half the clout it does today, that presidential election might have turned out differently. If Howard Dean hadn't cut loose with an ill-timed war whoop in 2004, and if the Net had reached the mainstream audience it has now, he might have ridden his unprecedented online success to the White House.

So much for the near-misses. In 2007, MySpace and other social networking sites are the new town squares, and the Internet is a frontier all would-be presidents must colonize before they can claim "Hail to the Chief" as their theme song. They're going to have to do better than President Bush, whose understanding of "the internets" is only slightly better than that of Sen. Ted Stevens, R-Alaska, who famously described the Net as "a series of tubes."

So here come the candidates, unleashing online campaigns that range from effective and tech-savvy to inane and unintentionally hilarious. There's no better showcase for their efforts than MySpace.com, the most popular American social-networking site on the internets, particularly among teenagers too young to vote. It's a brilliant strategy, if you think about it: Win the kids, and the parents will follow. How much nagging and whining can mom and pop take before they'll agree to anything? Obamamania! It's coming to a primary near you.

We have researched, summarized and critiqued six candidates' MySpace pages, so you won't have to -- and so you'll know what Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert are talking about when they start mocking, say, Mitt Romney's Friends List and Hillary's favorite reality show.

Hillary Clinton

(myspace.com/hillaryclinton)

Female, 59 years old

Chappaqua, N.Y., by way of Little Rock, Ark., and Washington, D.C.

Occupation: Senator; candidate; target of vast right-wing conspiracy

People on her Friends List: 81,175

Hillary likes to cook: Soft scrambled eggs

Hillary's favorite reality TV program: "American Idol"

What's her sign? Hillary doesn't say, but she does mention that she loves chocolate.

Hillary's comments section includes this post from Sarah (313)™ : "you are as pimp as operah. maybe pimper."

Hillary's downloadable banners include this slogan: "I am not only voting for Hillary, SHE'S MY FRIEND!"

How cool is Hillary? As cool as steel ... and maybe pimper.

Hillary's MySpace page rates: A moderate and calculated C. It's well put together, but a little on the stern side.

Rudy Giuliani

(myspace.com/joinrudy2008)

Male, 63 years old

New York

Occupation: Professional hero; former mayor of New York City; token moderate Republican; situational cross-dresser

People on his Friends List: Unknown

When you visit Rudy's space, you hear: Unknown

When you visit Rudy's space, you see: Unknown

What's his sign? Uhh ... a sign on a stick, with "I am the Hero of 9/11 and You're Not" scrawled across the front in Magic Marker. This is just a guess.

Rudy's comments section includes this post: Unknown

Rudy's MySpace bio includes these facts: Unknown

How cool is Rudy? Too cool for me, too paranoid for you. See, only those Rudy designates as "friends" are allowed to view his campaign profile. I added Rudy to my Friends List. Rudy did not reciprocate. Why, Rudy? Am I so ugly? Feh. This unfriendliness would seem to contradict the whole purpose of a presidential candidate setting up a MySpace page, but who can fathom the logic of a hero? One thing's for sure: If this is any indicator of what a Giuliani presidency might be like, well ... That's not cool; it's cold enough to break a kitten's whiskers.

Rudy's MySpace page rates: An F, as in freaky.

Barack Obama

(myspace.com/barackobama)

Male, 45 years old

Chicago

Occupation: Senator; candidate; reluctant heartthrob, would-be nonsmoker

People on his Friends List: 87,126

Barack's best blog entry: "Music for Obama," a call for music and art projects with a pro-Barack message. Barack rocks the creativity.

What's his sign? Leo, the Lion. How sexy is that?

Barack's comments section includes this post from !Ham&&Grapes!: "I am your biggest fan ... I listen to your speaches religiously. You are my hero. And I am only 12 years old."

In the Who I'd like to meet category, Barack answers with: A video ... of himself.

How cool is Barack? He has a Web site called MyBarackObama.com. Barack doesn't just visit MySpace; Barack is MySpace. So ... what's cooler than being cool? Ice cold.

Barack's MySpace page rates: C, as in cold, but not chillin'. The campaign's youngest candidate needs to add some useful pizzazz to his page.

John McCain

(myspace.com/johnmccain)

Male, 70 years old

Phoenix

Occupation: Senator; candidate; political gadfly-in-recovery

People on his Friends List: 34,322

John's favorite movie: "Viva Zapata" (in which Marlon Brando plays a zealous revolutionary)

John's favorite TV program: "24" (in which Kiefer Sutherland interrogates/tortures zealous revolutionaries)

When you visit John's space, you see: Pictures of John. Lots of pictures of John, usually posed in front of a flag. An American flag.

What's his sign? Virgo. The virgin. Abstinence 4-EVA.

John's comments section includes this post from Ed: "you'll will get my vote most likly unless something comes up."

John's favorite book: Hemingway's "For Whom the Bell Tolls." Ah, the Spanish Civil War. Another victory for freedom.

How cool is John? He started out cool a decade ago and, like our globe, has been warming up ever since. We can just about stick a fork in him. He's done.

John's MySpace page rates: A low C. Clean, but dull. Not bad for a confused war hero who can't decide if he's Emiliano Zapata or Jack Bauer. To quote the former: "It is better to die on your feet than to live on your knees." So, John? Before you accept that invitation to another White House sleepover, consider.

John Edwards

(myspace.com/johnedwards)

Male, 53 years old

Chapel Hill, N.C.

Occupation: Lawyer; relentless optimist; Keeper of The Hair.

People on his Friends List: 37,872

John's latest blog entry is titled: "Claim your FREE 'Support the Troops. End the War' bumper sticker!"

John's latest MySpace video is about: Sending the troops care packages of Tootsie Rolls.

What's his sign? Gemini! Twinsies! He sees both sides of the issues, because he's got two faces.

John's comments section includes this post from AjV>: "WuT It Dookie? Hows it going today... Damn its Cold Dis Mor ...

John's fave books include: "The Trial of Socrates"; "The Working Poor: Invisible in America"; "Into Thin Air"

How cool is John? In the land of MySpace, pretty cool. He's the only candidate with a comment section that includes political debate. Multimedia abound. He links to his pages on YouTube, Facebook and Flickr. He even Twitters.

John's MySpace page rates: A-. He might not score at the primaries, but he wins at the internets.

Mitt Romney

(myspace.com/mittromney)

Male, 60 years old

Boston

Occupation: Former governor; candidate; handsome, flip-flopping Mormon dude

People on his Friends List: 21,851

Mitt's blog entries include these subjects: "Don't Let Papa See This Varmint!"; "Gray Grunt and White Whale"

What's his sign? Pisces. Insert fish-out-of-water joke here.

Mitt's comments section includes this post from The Nancy Pelosi Watch Dog Group!: "Governor Romney, why do you have to be so darn handsome!!"

Mitt's MySpace theme song is: "A Little Less Conversation," by Elvis Presley. Elvis was handsome, too.

Mitt also holds court at: Facebook and YouTube.

How cool is Mitt? Pretty cool for a guy who lists Toby Keith as a favorite musician.

Mitt's MySpace page rates: A firm B. His picture brings all the girls to the yard. But will it bring them to the polls?

[Bombtrack]

1. I really wish one democratic candidate had Led Zeppelin as one of their favorite bands

As Jack White has proclaimed "I don't trust anyone who doesn't like Led Zeppelin".

[dsa]

2. I guess you wouldn't trust me then

Unless you replace Led Zeppelin with Carrie Underwood. :)

[Lord Helmet]

3. Rudy G's "sign" is so true.

He sounds like a squawking parrot "9/11, 9/11, 9/11"

what a clown