NATIVE AMERICANS SEEK CHANGES TO IMMIGRATION BILL — TO DEPORT MAYFLOWER DESCENDANTS

[Tellurian]

Flexing their new-found political muscle, Native Americans — the only “true” Americans — have now weighed in on the McCain-Kennedy immigration bill, lobbying Congress to provide for the immediate deportation of all Mayflower descendants.

Speaking for the National Council of American Indians, Chief “Running Tab at Foxwoods” asserted that the Mayflower settlers “not only entered this country illegally, without visas or work permits, but behaved very badly –spreading disease, raping our women, despoiling the land, and worst of all, stealing our very identity for their sports teams.”

While most tribes oppose any type of amnesty, some have supported a limited trail to citizenship, requiring the Mayflower descendants to pay a fine consisting of their scalps, and the return of the Great Plains.

Other tribes have proposed a “touchback provision,” requiring the illegal squatters to return to the 17th Century, for four centuries, before applying to live here legally in the present.

Some Native Americans would also grant favorable treatment to those who have high-tech skills, such as converting corn to ethanol.

This proposal has predictably drawn a huge outcry from the WASPS, who claim that they’re merely doing the jobs that Native Americans refuse to do, such as running investment banks and hedge funds.

In addition, although genealogy records reflect that his ancestors arrived not on Plymouth Rock but on Ellis Island, the Indian tribes have also insisted on the unconditional and immediate deportation of Jack Abramoff.

http://satiricalpolitical.com/?p=839

[WannaJumpMyScooter]

1. Thank goodness my Euro-cesters came through

Jamestown.

:rofl: :rofl:

[Tellurian]

2. Brillian! I say, Brilliant! nm

[Mnemosyne]

4. I concur.

:rofl:

[Alamom]

9. Works for me......

(Me).....

[wildhorses]

3. awww -- i like it!!

:applause:

[zanne]

5. Brilliant and hilarious!

And true! But since my ancestors were French Canadian, that means I'd have to go back to France. Yikes! I can barely speak the language! (Oh...okay, now I get it).

[LynneSin]

6. ummmmm.........

I could be in trouble

:hide:

[soothsayer]

7. We got here late, fleeing the Nazis. So we can stay? Yippee!

[BushOut06]

8. Ah, but Native Americans aren't truly native either - they have to leave also

In fact, everyone should be forced to go back to their ORIGINAL area. Looks like Olduvai Gorge is going to get pretty crowded!

[zanne]

10. Please stop paying attention! nt

[Tellurian]

11. I agree, Mayflower-cephalics are out of vogue..

Demo-cephalics however, are in!

[pampango]

12. Might makes right.

Native Americans didn't have the power to keep out the Europeans and the rest if history. We do have the power (maybe) to keep out the Hispanics, Asians, Africans, and European types, so we try to do it.

Maybe there is some latent fear that what was done to the Native Americans in terms of them losing control of their land and society might happen to "us."

[Bridget Burke]

22. Yes, many of the anti-immigration idiots are full of fear.

Nativism & xenophobia are old American traditions.

[loyalsister]

13. Yes!!!

U.S. Out of North America!

[Sapere aude]

14. Is that a picture if Iron Eyes Cody? He wasn't a native American but the son of Italian immigrants

Iron Eyes Cody (April 3, 1904 – January 4, 1999) was an actor born in Gueydan, Louisiana. He was born Espera De Corti, the son of Sicilian immigrants Francesca Salpietra and Antonio De Corti.

[Alamom]

15. Yes, that's what makes satire........well, satire. Chief "Running Tab" ???

:)

[Swamp Rat]

16. LOL!

[Dinger]

17. Testing My Memory Here . .

WITHOUT checking:

L-R:
Chief Joseph, Sitting Bull, Geronimo, Chief Red Cloud?

[Chico Man]

18. Interesting.. my wife is Pequot, and I'm in the Mayflower Society

How bout that

My kids must be the only "true americans"

[Pacifist Patriot]

20. My husband's Mayflower and I'm Cherokee...

with a huge dose of Scot-Irish. Sadly, the last of my ancestors who bore any physical traits of the Cherokee was my great-grandfather. I'm hanging on to that photo with tight hands.

[Pacifist Patriot]

19. Cool! A legal way to get some peace and quiet around the house.

Where do I send my husband and kids? (They get it from their daddy's side of the family.)

[LWolf]

21. Best immigration thread EVER.

:rofl:

[dflprincess]

23. A little off topic, but I belive it was Massasoit who first uttered the words

"Our oceans don't protect us anymore."

[AnOhioan]

24. Loved the post...K&R