Wetzelbill/Kurovski '08

[JeffR]

I too have been waiting for a political savior. But Gore continues to play hard to get. No matter; I have my team now.

Get on board or get run over, DU. The juggernaut is just starting to roll. When it reaches full steam, it will gather no moss. It will take no prisoners. It will change this nation. It will rekindle the aching emptiness in our hearts. It will answer once and for all the question, "Where have you gone, Joe DiMaggio?" It will mean every chicken can smoke pot, and a thousand points of blight, and all kinds of cool stuff I can't even hallucinate - er, imagine.

Today, I declare an end to the tedium of the GDP candidate wars. I don't care how many volunteer fire chiefs in Nebraska have endorsed Obama. I don't care how many non-dairy coffee creamers the Clinton campaign has in its war chest. I've given up even trying to figure out what Gravel is talking about when he addresses any topic other than Iraq. And don't get me started about haircuts or hair-plugs. Enough, I say. Enough.

Wetzelbill/Kurovski '08.

Their time has come. Now, we truly are a nation.

[MuseRider]

1. If nothing else

it would be a hell of a lot more fun!

Chickens smoking pot, now that would be a sight. Is that anything like smoking pot and watching chickens? I have done that, pretty entertaining I say.

Based solely on your DUzy thread I feel that they would certainly bring a needed levity to the country.

[JeffR]

3. "In your heart, you know they're right... uh, left"

I'll give Bush/Cheney credit for being funny, too, sometimes. But they can only do so inadvertently.

[rosesaylavee]

2. They are pretty hot.

And that seems to be the main hurdle to overcome. Can you get them on Tigerbeat?

[JeffR]

4. Great idea

They can get a foothold with today's tweens, who will someday vote them into their third term.

[janx]

185. ...because they're "HAWT." n/t

[Wetzelbill]

19. I'm bringing sexy back

this time it's also known as: "short, chubby and funny." But sexy sounds better so I'll stick with that name.

[rosesaylavee]

52. Sexy's been gone?

:shrug:

But seriously, what's your sign? What's your favorite color?

[Wetzelbill]

57. Sagittarius

and I would I couldn't narrow it down to just one, so blue, black and aqua.

[rosesaylavee]

59. Ok. You have my vote.

Are you and K going to get a DU website? I hear Nance and Jeff have an 'in' with Skinner.

[Kurovski]

95. My moon's in Sagittarius.

Really, it is.

[janx]

226. You have made a good choice. n/t

[NanceGreggs]

5. As a patriotic DUer, I want to give my support for our own ...

However, there are questions that need answering before I start making phone calls and knocking on doors.

Just how big is Wetzelbil's house?

How much does Kurovski spend on haircuts?

What is their position on Iraq: do they believe it's a total disaster, or merely an unmitigated disaster?

Are they now, or have they ever been, a member of subversive groups like the ACLU, or the Boy Scouts of America?

What do they look like? Are their ears too big to be considered serious contenders? Do they tend to display dour facial expressions?

What do their wives/girlfriends/SOs look like? Are they photo-licious, and have they reached the age of consent (in ALL states)?

How will they fare in televised debates? Do they own or have access to listening devices that can be concealed under their suit jackets? Do they own or have access to suits?

Can they clear brush?

Can they identify the two countries that border the United States without cheating?

Can they read?

And exactly how many non-dairy coffee creamers do they have in their war chest to date?

Not for nuthin', but inquiring minds want to know ...

[JeffR]

7. I can't speak for them, but I'm sure about a few things

They don't drink coffee. They drink rum from the time they wake up until whenever they pass out.

They can read. But they prefer to watch TV.

I think they both own suits. But their preferred wardrobe of loud Hawaiian shirts with mismatched Bermuda shorts gives them a down-home appeal with soccer moms, NASCAR dads and NCLB tots.

Wetzelbill is rumored to live in a van down by the river. Kurovski, interestingly, owns the van and charges steep rent for it.

Apologies if any of this info is in error. I got most of it from Drudge.

[NanceGreggs]

9. In that case ...

... count me in!!!

[MuseRider]

15. As long as they

keep their socks up high. I could not vote for someone who wore quitters, just could not do it.

[JeffR]

20. Since Shrub instituted Prez-Seal Sox as official POTUS-wear

I think we can bet they'll be wearing 'em high and proud.

With Crocs.

[MuseRider]

26. Good. That was probably

the only good thing that Bush did. I like a man with a seal on his socks.

Edit to clarify, I like a MAN with a seal, not Bush. Whew, that was close!

[janx]

203. You like a man with a seal?

:shrug:

Each to his or her own, as they say, I guess...

[Kurovski]

28. Socks? We have to start wearing socks?

Okay, okay...you got it!

[MuseRider]

30. Good! Now get some Crocs

and throw out those stinky sneakers! Stinky sneakers/stinky policy.

[Kurovski]

39. Sneakers?!!

Oh good heavens! I'm gay!

But I do have some pretty stinky four year-old Italian sandals that I just Gorilla Glued for the second time.

Are you really suggesting (and on the day after Live Earth) that I go shoe shopping like some depressed Condi Rice hoping to drown her guilt with a pair of Farragamo's?

Please Nance, think about these things. Wetzelbill and I are all about saving the planet.

Particularly the parts that contain our favorite vacation spots.

[MuseRider]

42. Nance?

Boy, you really are not ready for prime time. Not yet anyway but you do have promise.

I have a pair of sandals that the sole fell off of just about 20 minutes before the Pride Parade. My good pal had some glue that you use to stick tags on cattle and he fixed my sandal and it is still holding up. You get points for being thrifty and creative.

Yes I was suggesting that you go shoe shopping like Condi. You have to put out a good vibe the first time the press sees you.

(Tortola) save it please shhhhhhhhh

[Kurovski]

55. AW, son-of-a-bitch!. Now it'll be all over FOX tomorrow.

Oh well, It's the cocktail hour.

And I SWEAR I wasn't using the British version of "Nance" in reference to gayness, which at any rate is not used for the female gender.

My point here is that despite Bush's derision of such people, I'm not afraid to be "inter-continental." There's no room for Xenophobia on this great big honking planet of ours. It's really huge. Have you ever seen those pictures from outer space? Holy SHIT! IT'S freaking ENORMOUS!!!

[MuseRider]

66. Not to worry

I will never tell.

Well I feel better now that I know at least one of you will be presentable at all times. Your good taste will make you the liberal elite one while Bill in his bermudas and Hawaiian shirt can be the guy the bubbas want to drink with although we all know that Bill is not into bubbas but what the hay, you need their votes so I think he should be able to hold that end up for a little while.

It is fucking hugh! There is plenty of space. Why can't we all just get along? Kum Ba Ya and all of that.

[Kurovski]

105. No need to worry.

Getting along will be strictly enforced.

I'm working on a plan to make it all very pleasant. don't want to seem fascist or "just like them", or whatever other complaints will hold our policies back.

I'm very excited about working on this. It might have something to do with not invading threat-less sovereign nations and maybe enforcing laws and stuff.

[MuseRider]

113. I am a well experienced

phone banker. I can teach the worst talker how to phone bank in no time at all. Let me know.

I HATE phone banking but your promise not to invade threat-less sovereign nations hooked me.

[Wetzelbill]

122. that has to be worse than the time I ordered a Philly cheese steak

with Nepalese goat herder cheese. What a fuck up that was! Did I just say fuck?

Or when I was in Arizona and I said that Peyton Manning was the greatest gunslinger of all time. I mean "hello?" what about Doc Holliday? Duh!!!!

[Kurovski]

129. You can say "fuck" now.

"Fuck" is the new "jeepers".

They even print "fuck" in the New Yorker, and that is one mother-fucking classy rag, I can tell you that.

[janx]

153. Yes--

it's perfectly respectable now to say it, even in campaign speeches and such. You guys could use it (while under the influence of your rum) quite eloquently. I can picture and hear it now:

"We're going to take this fucking country back!"

"Who the fuck else is going to lead this country?"

"It's in the fucking Constitution!"

[Kurovski]

174. I believe it was a character from Star Wars that started that trend.

Something along the lines of "Go fuck yourself" spoken in the Senate.

[janx]

182. Indeed it was.

Spoken to Senator Leahy, in fact.

[janx]

169. Goat herder cheese or goat cheese?

Goat cheese is currently very hip and flaunted at high-end co-ops and health food stores across our nation. "Goat herder" cheese, on the other hand, sounds somewhat obscene...

[Wetzelbill]

186. the obscene kind

That's why it was such a screw up. :(

[janx]

192. Oh dear.

Is there a record of this scenario? At the end of the day, will anyone know?

[janx]

168. Yes, Kurovski, it is large, but don't freak out thinking about that.

You and Wetzelbill are to be the leaders of the FREE WORLD, after all. Try not to panic. You have all of us--your friends--to help you. :pals:

[Kurovski]

171. Well, I'm not a size queen, but I can be impressed.

There's nothing too big that I can't take it on with friends behind me.

Wetzelbill might be a bit more hesitant.

[janx]

173. It is impressive, that's true.

Why do you suppose Wetzel might hesitate?

[Kurovski]

175. Are you questioning your president?

No navel-gazing allowed.

Action! Action! Action!

[janx]

177. My goodness, no!

:patriot: I would never dream of such a thing! :blush: But if he is hesitant, we might ascertain why in order to come up with a remedy, so that he can remain as strong as we know he is.

(Does that sound better?)

[Kurovski]

179. I'll handle that end.

Step away from the navel.

[janx]

183. OK, I did.

I went to the gym. Have to get ready for the campaign.

[motocicleta]

84. O my god! They sound just like the Brothers E!

Count me in!

[Kurovski]

109. Oh Jeff, them stories is just fine by me.

The more variety in the stories out there, the more different kinds of people will vote for us.

Got to make everyone happy.

At least until after the election.

[Kurovski]

10. First of all Nance, I'd like to thank you for those excellent questions.

Unfortunately it happens to be cocktail hour, so I'll limit my answer at present to the most important of all, the haircut question.

By the way Nance, your own hair looks lovely tonight. The cut frames your beautiful face perfectly.

As for me I haven't had a cut since my birthday in early May. At that time I did what I always do, which is to rub three fingers of Chivas Regal into my head, light a match, hold it near the fumes and then dunk my head into a basin of water after the flames have removed the desired length of hair.

I'll be back in a bit to answer other questions. And what challenging questions they are. Thank you so much, Ms. Greggs.

[JeffR]

11. I'm vindicated. Drudge too.

I knew y'all weren't into coffee. I could feel it. So could Drudge. I can feel Drudge, too, but I choose not to.

[NanceGreggs]

47. Thank you for responding, Mr. Vice President ...

In days to come, I will treasure this personal message as a valuable keepsake. In fact, I will probably frame it and peddle it on eBay.

May I humbly suggest that I be considered for the position of White House press secretary once you guys plop your asses into the Oval Office?

I think I can bring a fresh approach to the job; instead of wasting the journalists' time with non-sensical answers, I will cut right to the chase by stating that: "The running of the country is none of your fuckin' business." Oh, and "Bush did it."

Whadda ya think?

[Kurovski]

62. Well...I really like your tone Nance. I have to say that right out of the gate.

Myself, I have a tendency to want to spill the beans, which is what I call making up so much horseshit that they end up reporting on nothing at all out of confusion and stupefaction.

HOWEVER, people are so use to authoritarianism these days that they actually seem to enjoy it.

Could you work on our campaign? Being a bossy asshole could get us some cross-over votes from the Republicans who swallow that kind of stuff in an "all-you-can-eat-buffet" kind of way.

Laurab is slated to be our press secretary, but maybe you can share duties? If not, arranging a caged match of some sort might be the answer, and, again, could get us some cross-over votes.

[Viva_La_Revolution]

116. Mr. Vice President! I have a question...

Do your policies include taking a serious look at the issues within the Congressional Archives Dept.? The whistleblowers who have courageously come forward with allegations that there is no open bar in the complex is deeply troubling. Will you be replacing the current dept. head with a new bartender and if so... may I offer my resume? Sir.

[Kurovski]

119. I'm so glad you brought this up, Ms. Vivala.

You serving as national bartender was the very first issue we hammered out in our War Room. I mean that.

There is no one else who can serve in this capacity with the grace, skill and humor you possess. Would you mind wearing a push-up brassiere? I hear it will improve tips.

In fact, whip me up a Brandy Alexander right now, and God Bless America.

[Kurovski]

16. Iraq is a disaster that even God herself would be at a loss to create.

[rosesaylavee]

33. I hear that they will run if they lose some weight first.

How much they weigh - it must effect how they think, right?

[Kurovski]

49. Nance asks: "What do they look like? "

"Are their ears too big to be considered serious contenders? Do they tend to display dour facial expressions?"

Yes, I'm very dour, but the upside is that I don't look too much crazier than George W Bush.

Here I am contemplating our American future, and what hard work Wetzelbill and I will have in saving us all, provided we can find enough money.

( Actually, there was a guy in really tight running shorts doing stretches, but it's all pretty much the same thing. At least that's my philosophy. )

[JeffR]

54. I don't see an ear in that pic

I sense triangulation. Canny politics.

[Kurovski]

74. We'll have to break the news about my ears later...

but believe me, it will rock the nation and assure us a landslide win.

[JeffR]

77. Magic ears? Is it magic ears??

I knew this ticket was amazing, but I don't think anyone could have anticipated magic ears!!!111

[Kurovski]

111. It will be even more amazing than magic.

You will be thrilled, as will everyone else.

Even cynics will believe again. Mark my words.

[rosesaylavee]

56. CAPTION: Looking out the window through the pain. n/t

[Kurovski]

71. LOL!!

So, are you voting for us or what?

[rosesaylavee]

146. Of course

Given the field, who else could I vote for?

[Kurovski]

161. I could tell right away that you were a great American.

And now you've gone and proved it. :patriot:

[NanceGreggs]

65. If I'd known you were THAT cute ...

... I wouldn't have bothered with all of those other silly questions.

"A guy in really tight running shorts doing stretches". Now there's a philosophy that straight females and gay males can agree on - talk about being a UNITER!

[Kurovski]

130. And don't forget the bi-curious! (nt)

[janx]

154. So I take it you guys will be pushing mass transit?

:shrug:

[Kurovski]

159. Bicycles and covered wagons.

AMERICA, I'd begin a work-out program starting NOW.

President Wetzelbill, you Sir are exempt. You will be chauffeured about in a gold-plated 130 foot vehicle designed by the 4th grade boys of our beautiful nation. It will be awesome!

Can we get some of those dinosaur busses we see in the Flinstones?

[janx]

162. Mr. Vice President, will you be pedaling as well?

Or will the rum factor impede your ability to do so?

[Kurovski]

178. Not rum, Polish vodka.

Makes you "strong like bull."

[janx]

184. It may make *you* "strong like bull."

It makes me "stupid like *hit." But a vice-president who is "strong like bull" is a good image. A vice-president one can drink a beer with is one thing, but a vice-president one can drink vodka with is quite another!

We should keep this in mind during the campaign. ;-)

[Kurovski]

6. Don't forget "The shining kitty on the hill."

Believe it or not, we paid a lot of dough for that phrase.

Or rather, The Committee to Elect Wetzelbill/Kurovski cut me a check for $867.00 for it, but it went to pay Wetzelbill's outstanding parking tickets, which only shows what an honest, civic-minded man Wetzelbill is. And don't you freaking forget that this is EXACTLY what all that means.

So remember: Wetzelbill is the only non-rock show promoter who is up to the job of the presidency. If any of you don't think so, I suggest you stop fooling yourselves. You probably have a terrible emotional problem that will eventually lead to a divorce and subsequent shunning by all other stable members of our great American society.

Commie.

[JeffR]

8. Quick Q:

What's your deficit-reduction plan?

Oh, and two more: do I get free ice-cream for endorsing you? If not, why not?

[Kurovski]

83. Well, I'm glad you asked me that question, Jeff.

I intend to instigate a class-action lawsuit involving Americans against the nation's top 4 percent of the wealthiest right-wingers.

So we won't get caught up in that FOX whiny "Oh! There gonna raise your taxes!" trap.

We're gonna sue the living crap out of them and pay off the deficit.

[JeffR]

85. Superb strategic move.

I hope you have a bunch of those "activists judges" lined up.

[bleever]

78. So much better than

"Signing shitty on the Hill".


:patriot:

[Kurovski]

121. Which reminds me , all the lazy, blackmailed, or complicit Dems on the Hill?

FFFT! Gone.

All replaced by DUer's.

[no name no slogan]

12. ONLY if they make Mike Dukakis Secretary of State

No Dukakis, no deal.

[Kurovski]

13. You got it.

Can you vote more than once?

Work on that.

[JeffR]

14. That's entirely fair

Since so many of their policies will hinge on extortion and bribery, there's no reason why their supporters can't do a little of their own.

I'm gonna insist on Jim Traficant for Attorney General.

[Kurovski]

24. You got it.

About that ice cream...this is a clean operation. We're sick and tired of the Bush/Cheney brand of cronyism, kickbacks, quid pro quo and bribery.

(So--in other words--next time PM me about the ice cream thingy. That goes for any other requests for items such as beachfront property or tickets to the Knicks.)

No, I'm so sorry. All our ticket has to offer is the promise of an America without Republicans in office. Isn't that enough for you people?

(But seriously, are you looking for Breyers or ice cream from that Vermont gay hippie couple?)

[JeffR]

27. I was hoping for something with aspartame

but I'll take whatever I get. And I'll damn well like it.

[Kurovski]

36. That's the new patriotism in action.

Obsequiousness and resignation will make all this much, much easier on all of you. The better to move forward together in achieving a better world for Wetzelbill, myself, and maybe some of our sycophants.

[JeffR]

44. I don't play lotteries

but I'll suck up just on the off-chance that I'll be raptured along with you two. If not, I hope there's some ice-cream around while I wait for Satan to make me his slave. Oh wait, I think that horse is already out of the barn.

[Kurovski]

208. As our top sycophant and catapult-er of the propaganda,

you're the first one aboard the gravy train.

No lottery, no playin'.

I consider you the human version of Karl Rove.

[janx]

164. Cherry Garcia, please!

:party:

[Wetzelbill]

17. I only pledge to break Bush's vacation record in no more than three years....

That and I pledge to unabashedly have a revolving door of First Ladies. Whereas Clinton and JFK sought to hide their affairs, I will embrace them. On a nightly basis. Over and over and over.

[JeffR]

22. Wild applause

THAT'S leadership right there!

[Wetzelbill]

29. And I don't do any of this dry drunk stuff either

My hangover irritability will be for real!!!

[JeffR]

35. A round of Creme de Menthe and Southern Comfort smoothies

for the ticket. Feel the burn!

[stellanoir]

18. as long as they initiate a department of peace

I'm in.

[Wetzelbill]

21. yeah that's Kurovski's area, I really don't do policy

[JeffR]

23. Start with a Department of Peas

and work your way up to the extra vowel.

[stellanoir]

32. Now how much are ya gonna charge me for the extra vowel???

I'll have my people call your people and we'll sort something out.

But I can get peas really cheap from my cousin, the farmer. Okay. . .?

[JeffR]

45. Great to have connections

It's humbling to be here at the birth of a new era in politics.

I hear vowels don't come cheap. The Clinton campaign has already raised $26 million to buy the letter "E" but apparently Obama's already snapped it up and put a hefty down-payment on "sometimes Y". God, politics is hardcore nasty.

[stellanoir]

96. Shoot. . . I had a dental appointment in elementary school the day they taught

the nuanced subtleties of when "W" and "Y" were vowels.

I've been shit out of luck since then.

Damn.

Lord knows I don't have a clue how to use Google or anything.

:rofl:

[JeffR]

103. I think that's "The Google"

over to the internetz. A series of tubes. Not a dump-truck!

I remember being told at William Jennings Bryan Elementary in first grade, "W is only a vowel in the sense that someone who calls himself that will fuck up everything he touches." Sadly, they never explained to me what "fuck up" meant, but I've got it pretty much figured out now on my own.

[stellanoir]

115. Oh I guess I clearly missed the "the" part.

The "W' part I had always seen as "dubious." By extension it was.

The most incurious George "dubious."

Ya know his mom wouldn't allow him the dignity of him sitting anywhere near the Queen of England in the late 80's. How we ever afforded him that luxury, I only attribute to several botched elections.

Is far more than sad.

[Kurovski]

40. Department of peace? You got it!

I need lots of quiet time to contemplate "My Life on the D-List", "The Dog Whisperer" and reruns of old game shows.

Please vote for us, we would appreciate it very much, and will work as hard as we can to make you proud of your vote.

(PM me for the ice cream)

[bleever]

72. It's official: stellanoir as Secretary of Peace.

:woohoo:

[Kurovski]

86. It's so easy! Why didn't we do this in 2000?

Bleever, did you grab a job for yourself? What can we get for ya', hon?

[bleever]

106. Well, since you're asking, how about

I be the progressive Walter Annenberg character, whereby I'm the guy who has barbecues for all the people instrumental in building up 21st century American government, especially those making America the world leader in visionary approaches to energy, poverty, and trade?

I'd be in charge of providing good stuff from the grill, lots of veggies, room for the kids to run around, and a bar that doesn't seem to be missing much.

Places for people to crash if they need to, to make the next leg of their travel better.


I guess I want Skinner's job, but with real estate, orchards, a pool, and guest houses.

[Kurovski]

123. Hmmm.

Maybe we can find a way to condemn the Bush estate in Kennebunkport, evict them, and set you up there.

We'll get someone on it. May as well make eminent domain repay misery for misery with the wacky Bush clan.

I'm getting a strong sense that this is do-able. Let's get pro-active and think out of the box.

I'd be holding a lot of hope on this matter if I were you, good buddy. :thumbsup:

[Wetzelbill]

25. technically, I won't be old enough, but if there is one thing Dick Cheney has proven

is that laws don't really matter when you simply tell people to go fuck themselves.

So America, I got a few words for you all:

Go Fuck Yourself. :patriot:

[JeffR]

31. Proud to be among the first patriotic Americans to heed that call

Dammit, this is complicated. Do I insert tab A into slot B or tab B into slot A?

[Wetzelbill]

34. It doesn't matter, we own the machines anyway

Voting isn't even all that necessary. :)

[JeffR]

38. Even better

I can stay home and play Warrior Kings, and know that my political dedication involved nothing more than posting here. It just doesn't get better than this. Bonus is they always get my absentee ballot down in Savannah and immediately throw it in the garbage. Joke's on them, for a damn change.

[Kurovski]

76. See? Didn't I tell you that Wetzelbill bought me Diebold for Christmas?

He's a pal's pal.

[JeffR]

79. Ah! Electoral fuzzy math!

;)

[havocmom]

37. Was just about to post a question about your age.

Young, but damn, that is a winning attitude :rofl:

[Kurovski]

41. As for myself, people say I look like I'm 43.

And that will have to do.

[JeffR]

46. You don't look a day older than 42

I'm still having trouble calibrating this new monitor, though.

[havocmom]

50. Hey, just realized my wayward daughter will be old enough in 08

If Wild Bill can't run, why not go with a really green candidate?

[JeffR]

53. I'll have to clear this with my overlords - um, candidates

but I could sign on to that campaign, bringing my negligible public influence and inadequate bank account with me.

[Kurovski]

136. Wetzelbill WILL be running.

But the kid looks pretty sweet, so set her up with a nice little job or something. Could you do that for us, please? I'm having a Brandy Alexander and I taped a whole week's worth of Sanford and Son, so I'm extremely busy right now.

I say she looks like we could start her at $130,000 a year.

[Kurovski]

69. Believe me, I picked a presentable one.

Agent Mike will never recognize me in real life.

[Wetzelbill]

70. I figure since Putin can appoint governors in Russia, well

I can appoint you governor of Montana. Who is going to stop me? I'll have the military at my disposal!!!

[havocmom]

104. Nah, leave Brian in Helena. Make me governor of West Dakota

This area could use a good shake-up and I am just the goddess of havoc to pull it off!

Can you make Wayward Daughter Ambassador to Australia?

[Wetzelbill]

114. yeah I could do those things

Although, I am mainly a figurehead, as Kurovski is the real power, I can make a decision or two on my own. Pending Kurovski's approval.

[janx]

212. Brian should definitely stay in Montana.

And you should definitely go to Australia with the option of returning to Montana at any time. Do you scuba dive, by any chance?

[janx]

228. How are you doing, anyway?

I'm due in Missoula for the book fest in September. Can't wait to go there again.

[havocmom]

237. Doin OK. Just hoping no lightening strikes around here. Lots of fuel on the ground

Wet spring = LOTS of grass/grain growth. What is normally only 16-26" tall is setting at 4 -5 feet plus in many places. People are taking 2-3 TONS of hay per acre when 400-500 pounds has been the normal rate.

Enjoy trip to Missoula. I wouldn't recognize the place, having not been there in 25 years.

[janx]

238. Interesting ranching news!

Could you handle it? Was it good news?

Here in NM, we got a lot of precip over the last year, and even a foot and a half of snow in the Rio Grende Valley, which is unheard of. The mountain ski areas were a blast.

Hope to get outside of Missoula as long as we're there, but we'll see.

[Kurovski]

131. Following Putin's example is brilliant, Wetzelbill.

I mean, now much worse can that be than the current American administration?

It will give a Slavic flair to our policies. Very "Doctor Zhivago" very sweeping and romantic. Think "Pushkin". Think "Oxana Baiul".

I see visions of the leaping, athletic Nureyev and the soaring musical soul of Tchaikovsky.

You, Sir--my beloved Wetzelbill--are a God-sent redeemer of human souls.

Anyone who cannot see that must have a screw lose, and I pity them and fall on my knees praying for them. I beseech all that is holy that these pitiable deniers not be left behind from your glorious and perfect candidacy.

[janx]

155. I found the 'tude

surprisingly mature!

[Kurovski]

98. Wetzelbill, remind me to pick up a fake ID for you tomorrow.

[bleever]

43. I'm on board! As long as there is NO cronyism,

except for some necessary, if you will, exceptions:

Octafish for Secretary of Defense. I trust his circle of advisers will include seemslikeadream, robertpaulsen, Peace Patriot, Me., and people of this caliber.

H2O Man for Supreme Court justice. Other good candidates include people like TahitiNut, PithyCherub, Time for change, and William Pitt.

A White House press office that includes kpete, sabra, hissyspit, babylonsister, and other such stalwarts of daily truth.

FEMA would need to be run by Skinner, Elad, and Earl G., since they can clearly manage disasters. :)

Justice Department run by autorank, Land Shark, Botany, Melissa G, kster, livvy, freedomfries, and their "comrades".

In Karl Rove's place: SwampRat.

National Security Advisor: Larry Johnson (yes, he's an occasional DUer).

State Department: Nance Greggs.

After changing "Health and Human Services" to a more powerful Department of Domestic Tranquility: understandinglife.


All of these fine actors would, of course, seek when appropriate the input of the esteemed KOEB, the Keith Olbermann Estrogen Brigade, and have the wisdom to discern between their keen and passionate insights and whatever comes out when it's the booze talking. They would also understand the considerable overlap thereof.


I retain the right to amend my list of suggestions. Building a cabinet is hard work, and my glass is empty.



:thumbsup:

[JeffR]

48. Your glass is half-full!

So I'm sure you won't mind if I have a sip of yours. This hyper-advocacy of candidates is thirsty work. I've never tried it before so I had no idea how parched I'd get.

Those are some great cabinet nominees. Sadly, I expect the candidates will disregard whatever good advice is offered. That's still a step forward from the Bush misAdministration, which never sought good advice, and ignored it when it came unsolicited.

[Kurovski]

135. Let me make this perfectly clear, and make no mistake...

we are recruiting from within DU's ranks only.

The world has spit on us long enough! Now it's our turn to spit back!

Roowwwrrrrr!!!

But PLEASE remember that it's about the love. Always about the love.

[rosesaylavee]

147. May I be a toady?

An ineffectual hanger-on in the Armitage/Wolfowitz vein? I can also perform as a oft-times apologist for the administration once it becomes entrenched. Diffuse attention from the boys? That would my goal.

Oh, yes. My fee to do the above would be exorbitant. That would ok, right? Just give me a random title from time to time to throw off those imbeciles at the GAO.

[EFerrari]

51. I want to be in charge of the sub committee in charge of committees!

:woohoo:

[JeffR]

58. Don't they need to strike a sub committee to determine who's

in charge of what sub committee?

I think you're a shoe-in, but to be on the safe side you might want to wire all your money to the candidates. Can't be too careful!

[Wetzelbill]

60. And I thought it was ridiculous that Reagan always slept until noon

I'll be disappointed if I ever wake up before one in the afternoon. Unless I was up partying for a few days in a row and just happened to go to sleep at such an odd hour that I somehow manage to wake up in the morning sometime.

[JeffR]

63. Shhhh

Don't comment on an ongoing investigation.

[janx]

166. Hell, we can work around that!

:hangover:

We can set different times on the coffee maker. Or we could have a few different coffee makers with different times.

Whatever it takes!

[Berry Cool]

61. I will fully support this ticket on the condition that I receive a cabinet post.

Preferably one in the liquor cabinet. And not one made out of wood, either.

My understanding that part of the Wetzelbill/Kurovski platform is to make clones of Keith Olbermann available to all straight women and all gay men who want one. For that matter, they will also provide clones of Keith Olbermann to all gay women who admire Keith strictly for his work and to all straight men who want one because Keith Olbermann has turned them gay. This position (not to mention others we, well, won't mention) has earned them the ringing endorsement of the KOEB.

We plan to assist them soon in making some truly attention-getting campaign ads. In one, Wetzelbill will stare into the camera until no one can stand looking at him anymore, and Kurovski will then pick him up and heave him into a pond, where he will make lots of ripples. It will be the hit of YouTube.

[JeffR]

64. Without having seen that ad

there are already tears in my eyes, and I think I have a frown-line I didn't have before reading your response. You are a patriot.

[Wetzelbill]

67. yeah, I can roll with that

pending Kurovski's approval.

I love the campaign ad. As long as my staring into the camera is wistful. I can do wistful.

[Kurovski]

108. It's a remarkably brilliant ad on BerryBush's part. I say it's a go.

Reward her genius by giving her whatever the hell she wants, as long as I get TWO clones of Keith Olbermann.

Two. Just think about THAT one, ladies.


Edit: I misspelled "genius."

[Berry Cool]

229. I don't think I wanna know, Kurovski darlin'.

Then again, I too could make very, very good use of two Olbermann clones.

You know...one to cook and one to clean, as the old joke goes.

Well, not really. :rofl:

[bleever]

68. I forgot one thing: can Kurovski keep his mind out of the gutter?

Okay, well that one's not so important...never mind.

:patriot:

[Wetzelbill]

73. our administration actually encourages that type of behavior

:)

[JeffR]

82. Values! Mainstream Murkin values!!

That's what I'm talkin' about.

[EFerrari]

91. No, he can't. We just have to live with that.

[bleever]

118. You call that living?

Sign me up.

[Kurovski]

132. So, how about ambassador to something-or-other for you?

I'd trust you with anything.

Just say the word. What'cha need there, woman? Go wild. Make something new up if you want. Name your price, we're suing the crap out of Mitt Romney and Lincoln Chafee, so the sky's the limit here.

[EFerrari]

134. LOL! Well, I've never been to Haiti

:rofl:

[Wetzelbill]

188. consider it done

.....

Pending Kurovski's approval.

[janx]

190. Would you be so kind as to give me a job in the Cayman Islands?

Diplomacy is key in the Cayman Islands.

[Wetzelbill]

195. Hey sure, I have the power to do whatever I want

Uh, pending Kurovski's approval.

I do hope somebody is keeping track of all the jobs and campaign promises I've made. I don't remember anything.

[janx]

199. Here's to hoping he returns soon to put his stamp of approval

on all of them. By the way, Little Cayman or Cayman Brac would be preferable to Grand Cayman. Too many bourgeoisie on Grand Cayman these days. Perhaps on the smaller islands too--might I go for an interview to check things out first?

[Berry Cool]

231. Don't tell me

...But you kinda like the music.

[Berry Cool]

230. He probably can't keep his mind out of the gutter

but perhaps he's a good enough bowler that he at least can keep his balls out of the gutter.

I'm not so sure about his running mate.

[mitchum]

75. I will support this ticket if I can be appointed ambassador to Funland

[JeffR]

80. If they don't appoint you, they're dead to me n/t

[Wetzelbill]

88. our administration values loyalty

So that could probably be done. Once Kurovski leaves his shadowy bunker and gets me to sign the paperwork.

[JeffR]

94. Isn't America safer with him IN the bunker?

:shrug:

[Wetzelbill]

100. wow, you might make a good adviser

I'll put that down for Kurovski's approval.

[mitchum]

101. I am VERY loyal...maybe

:)

[Wetzelbill]

107. I will make full use of my pardon power in case something goes wrong

I will also guarantee a cush think-tank position when you are finished with government service. So we will do what is necessary to keep your loyalty.

You might not want to fly though, just in case, your loyalty comes into question. I'm just saying...

[mitchum]

112. Okay, but mrs mitchum is prepared to say "we're gonna fuck them"...

and she's not just referring to the landscapers...

[mitchum]

99. Jeff, you won't be the only one they will be dead to...Funland or death!

[Canuckistanian]

81. I want FSM to be declared the national religion

Work is to be started on the beer volcanoes as soon as the funds can be appropriated from Congress.

OK, screw Congress. Halliburton can do it.

[Kurovski]

89. Ramen.

You got it! Consider it done!

[Canuckistanian]

92. OK, I'm on board!

May his Noodly Appendage smite thine enemies.

:patriot:

[JeffR]

90. That's gonna take big bucks

Aw, what the hell? They can cover it when they end the occupation of Iraq. Long as they don't get crazy and start trying to implement universal healthcare or some such craziness.

[Kurovski]

144. This is from the healthcare policy paper we released in April of this year:

"Speaking of drugs...

I'm so fed up with hearing people complain about how lousy they feel that I want to institute a national health care plan within a week of our modministration just to shut everyone the hell up already.

Anyone who complains about this gets sent to Walter Reed for mandatory service on a mold removal crew."

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_topic&forum=105&topic_id=6391649#6409693

I hope you will come to see the wisdom of our plan. We'll have plenty of money for everything, as the class-action lawsuits will prove.

For anyone into the tedium of reading policy, or even "comedy" produced by over-tired drunks, I recommend a perusal of that thread I linked to.

I think we can all agree that Wetzelbill and I have become more polished, and that I've lost that stridency in my voice that polls revealed to be causing clinical depression in susceptible individuals in 24 states.

In fact, I think we'll be seeing a rise in the polls very soon now, not that they really mean anything until we are at the top of them.

Say, how do you go about getting in on one of those poll dealy's, and does it cost extra to have our name at the top?

[janx]

172. See who is currently running ads on the cable programs.

Then enlist their "support."

[Berry Cool]

232. "Polished"...is that yet another synonym for

"schnockered"??

[Patsy Stone]

87. Sign me up!

This is the ticket America's been waiting for!

The White House will be moved to South Beach, where national business will now be conducted poolside. They'll begin their tenure by declaring a National Happy Hour.

One of the first domestic policies is the Force a Starlet to Eat Something initiative. Please, won't you help? Only $10 from you will buy Mary Kate a cheeseburger combo?

The terror alert level colors will be changed to reflect a more modern palette, something from the Ralph Lauren or Calvin Klein collection.



No more shall America wonder about her future, for it rests in the hand of these two men. When the country calls, the machine'll get it.

[Wetzelbill]

97. with colors like that you might make a good Homeland Security

leadership type person.

[Patsy Stone]

110. I'd be honored

But I'm going to need to do that from Paris, or a Greek isle, 'k? With video conferencing what it is today, you won't even be able to tell I'm not right there in the room.

[Kurovski]

139. Oh, we'll get you video conferencing

WAY better than that junk in Star Wars that Yoda and the rest used.

You'll need a trusted hair and make-up person/people, and one more urgent question: Which designer should we sign on for your couture?

[Patsy Stone]

149. For business attire,

Lacroix, sweetie. For lounging on the yacht in Monte? Pucci.

Besitos, darling.

[Kurovski]

170. You got it.

Welcome aboard! Literally.

Just let us know when you decide to go with a different look.

Change is very important to our administration. Always remember that, my American patriot darling.

We do not fear change.

[Berry Cool]

234. The babies of America

will be relieved to hear that.

[bleever]

117. No no no...she's definitely the first choice for Secretary of the Interior.

Come on, people: focus!!

(Note to Secretary of the Interior-nominee: when you get a chance, make sure private companies aren't building new federal detention facilities on public lands, 'k?)

I know the color scheme is going to be top shelf.

:thumbsup:

[Wetzelbill]

120. you have to understand

I am not used to making decisions. I'm worse than Bush in unscripted situations. Where's Kurovski?!? :scared:

[bleever]

124. Well, if he's really your vice-president, his hand should be thrust up in your

defense whenever your decisions are challenged.

:thumbsup:

[Kurovski]

128. Are you really, really the same person who asked if I can keep out of the gutter?

I will pray for you when I attend my six congregations and temple.

I will say seven different prayers for the salvation of your soul in each of the churches (and one temple) I regularly attend to gain spiritual strength to bring this nation together--once and for all--with the help of God Almighty, creator of heaven and earth. (Not gutters, but HEAVEN and EARTH!)

[janx]

156. I concur.

And it will be.

[Kurovski]

125. My mighty and glorious commander, I can tell you this right now,

not to sound like Dubya or anything, but that color scheme of Patsy's is fucking fabulous!

My advice is that you give that woman everything she wants and then some, because it's obvious that she can do no wrong. Our nation will improve the minute we get her her first paycheck. guaran-fucking-teed.

[Berry Cool]

233. Personally I think it's high time they replaced the color-coded terror alerts

with a nice set of selections from the Pantone chip book.

[janx]

243. But that might be too confusing

for the American people.

[autorank]

151. Patsy, thanks for the starlet deal. They do so need our help.

:evilgrin:

[Patsy Stone]

236. That's me. I'm a giver.

What can I say?

:hi:

[autorank]

239. You can say hi back to this cutie;)

[Patsy Stone]

241. Hello, Jessica

[Wetzelbill]

93. My first act will be to lock Joe Lieberman up in a padded room

and play through loudspeakers, audio of all his speeches ever. Plus all of Evan Bayh's too. Over and over.

[Kurovski]

126. That's fantastic.

I think you've promised about one dozen "first" acts as president in the last 72 hours.

Which is terrific!

[Wetzelbill]

102. I am not the type of leader who thinks, I go with my gut...

and my gut is pretty much saying sleep, booze and women are my top priorities. And nachos.

[Kurovski]

127. Let's see... eight votes to recommend this thread...hmmm...

we can win the Democratic primaries with only eight votes, can't we? I mean it's just like a few corn farmers in Iowa who decide this thing, right?

[Wetzelbill]

141. yeah all you really gotta do is say you like ethanol or something

and you pretty much have the place wrapped up. Plus, I was raised on a farm so I can bust out an "aw shucks" or something and we'll be good. Maybe talk about the bull riding days for good measure.

[Kurovski]

143. I just love it when we can use people for their own good.

It's a warm, American feeling to know that you care enough to figure out how to manipulate them into happiness and acceptance.

[janx]

167. Yeah, and they don't even cast votes.

They sit around and yell at each other and SWAP votes. So we need to look into that process in order to use it to our best advantage.


Edited to add: and some people get so upset that they cry! :cry:

[NancyBreen]

133. Bravo

This has been the most entertaining piece I have ever experienced. Thank you, one and all for this respite from the shit that is happening

[JeffR]

137. Welcome and thanks, NancyBreen!

There's much better than this to be had. Watch for the DUzy Awards each Friday at whatever time I can complete my swiss-cheese proofing. Usually 6-ish.

[Kurovski]

138. Welcome to DU Nancy!

:hi: I could hear you laughing from here! ;-)

[Wetzelbill]

140. Glad you liked it Nancy

Welcome to DU.

and vote for me in '08!!!!

[janx]

165. It WILL be a respite, after we get these guys elected.

You won't believe the change! :patriot:

[enigmatic]

142. Wetzel's got my vote

I'm sure he'll repay it by making me Minister Of Propaganda, seeing that I already have the communications arm in place via Radio Enigma:D

[Wetzelbill]

145. that is the smartest thing I have ever heard anyone say in my life

Yes. Yes, you can.

[Wetzelbill]

148. In the name of leadership, I will kick this thread

Great leadership. Great, great, great leadership.

[janx]

158. A very ballsy first move!

But did you remember to consult Kurovski first?

[autorank]

150. Wetzelbill's pretty damn good bug Kurovski is a PRINCE K&jeffR!!!

Those two would be the best and there would be no shortage of entertaining

dialog and press conferences. Worth every minute of it. btw, don't forget

to save the world;)

[Kurovski]

163. We'll be saving the world one patronage job at a time.

So, are you up for The DOJ job?

[autorank]

240. Oh, I'm ready. Just (a) point me in the right direction.

I would like the option to design my own uniform or robes just like that Chief Justice Rhenquist guy.

Are you going to try to transfer me to "The Lord High Executioner" job? Just asking.

[janx]

152. I have officially ascended the bandwagon!

:patriot:

Where are the pins? Where are the stickers? When do I start canvassing?

:shrug:

[Kurovski]

181. Ask not what Wetzelbill can do for you...

but what you can do for Wetzelbill.

[janx]

189. You mean for the campaign. Yeah. n/t

[rucky]

157. Are there any compromising photos we need to know about?

It's better to get this stuff out in the open now, rather than wait for it to come out in the general election.

[janx]

160. Good thinking.

We wouldn't want public pics of these guys doing bong hits or anything. :scared:

[Kurovski]

176. We don't worry about stuff.

Besides, my rear-end looked great when I was 24.

[janx]

180. What a marvelously positive attitude!

Mine did too! (Or at least someone said it did. I could never see it, myself.) If we can keep that optimism, that spirit, that joie de vivre going throughout this campaign, Mr. Vice President, we can do anything. And I mean anything.

[Wetzelbill]

187. oh yeah lots of them, in fact, I'll probably go out of my way

to have a few more taken while I'm in office.

I also once did a spread for Playgirl magazine, but since I used the name "Mike Honcho" I doubt anybody will find out. We should be cool on that one.

[janx]

191. Did this resemble anything like the "Jeff Gannon" photos?

Were the photos kind of bulldoggy?

[janx]

193. But are there any weed photos?

God forbid there are any of those. That's worse than sex, as all patriotic Americans know.

[Wetzelbill]

194. you know I was so drunk I don't even remember

[janx]

197. WE'D (haha) better check then.

We need to go over your partying history with a fine-toothed comb. Once we've cleaned things up a bit, you will be the candidate the others fear most.

[Wetzelbill]

210. I actually plan to embrace my partying history

I will make no bones about my drunken, womanizing ways. It never truly hurt anybody before, unless they tried to hide it. I plan to flaunt it.

[janx]

224. Dammit, and why not?

I can tell you're a westerner. Why the hell not? Brilliant strategy, Mr. President.

[bicentennial_baby]

196. They have my vote!

Especially if Wetzelbill wants to give me a jobby-job :D

[janx]

198. What kind of tramp talk is that?

We're running a family values campaign here! ;-)

[bicentennial_baby]

200. He likes it when I talk like that!

:rofl:

[janx]

201. Ah, so you have an "IN" with Wetzelbill already...

OK, as long as it doesn't cause some division within the campaign. :shrug:

[bicentennial_baby]

202. No worries!

He's one of my biggest fans, or so he tells me :D

[janx]

204. As long as it's mutual, there should be no problem.

We just don't want any hanky-panky spats involved in the campaign. It could screw everything up.

[bicentennial_baby]

205. Eh, the only hanky panky between us happens

in his dreams :rofl:

Besides, I'm marrying a different DUer on Saturday :D

[janx]

206. You rascal you! n/t

[Wetzelbill]

215. Psh, that was so 2005

The doctor says I'm better now anyway. :)

[Wetzelbill]

213. that is so wrong

1. you're getting married.

2. you shouldn't tease poor suffering dopes who cannot resist short women.

3. We both know it doesn't matter because I could be convinced to do whatever you said anyway. :)

[bicentennial_baby]

214. You are exactly right on #3...

:evilgrin:

So, what's my job going to be, dahling?

:loveya:

[Wetzelbill]

217. I would say personal advisor

but the world isn't ready for our combined powers. :nuke:

Pretty much anything you want. Pending Kurovski's approval.

[bicentennial_baby]

218. I'm your Rove, baby....

But, in a much less evil way, of course :evilgrin:

[Wetzelbill]

219. although I am warming to that idea

could you imagine the damage we co... I mean all the good things we could accomplish? :)

[janx]

220. Kinda like James and Mary?

I smell a rat here...

[bicentennial_baby]

221. Well, at least we're both in the same party, right?

:D

[janx]

222. I'm still suspicious...

:tinfoilhat:

[bicentennial_baby]

223. it's my Kucinich avatar, right?

x(

[janx]

225. No...I think it was "I'm your Rove, baby" that raised the tin foil...

:rofl:

[Wetzelbill]

227. yeah but just imagine what a liberal female Rove could do

Although, I may shudder at the thought, it could be a good thing for everyone else. :)

I only shudder pending Kurovski's approval.

[janx]

216. STOP! You cannot show weakness! You are going to be the

next president of the United States! Pull it together, man! :wow:

[JeffR]

207. Holy cow, people are still posting on this thread?

Some of us have moved on. It's all Sheehan/Pelosi today, my friends. Bandwagon time.

Of course, I still support the W/K ticket. I just don't want to talk about it anymore. Their triumph is a given.

[janx]

209. How can you say such a thing?

We must be on our guard. It's never a given. It's about hard work, patriotism, and decent jobs (in the Cayman Islands, for instance).

[Wetzelbill]

211. be careful what you wish for

and be wary of monsters created. :)

[IndyOp]

235. A Wetzelbill/Kurovski '08 ticket is sexist... I can't vote for them.

I am working on a campaign to draft

KPETE/BABYLONSISTER 2008

:woohoo: :woohoo: :woohoo: :woohoo: :woohoo:

I should have a website up in a few days and will be ready to take donations on behalf of the campaign.

:evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin:

[Wetzelbill]

242. I think you mean "sexy"

and why do you hate America? :)