GOP's Sizzlin' Summer Line-Up - Democratic Underground

NanceGreggs

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Wed Jul-11-07 09:57 PM
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GOP's Sizzlin' Summer Line-Up

By Nancy Greggs

Last season’s runaway hit The Gonzo Show has resulted in an excellent summer replacement series, Total Non-Recall, featuring prominent Republican figures in a Congressional hearing setting. The episodes aired to date have included appearances by Kyle Sampson, Laurita Doan and Sara Taylor, and more installments are slated for future broadcast. (Plans are already in the works for a deluxe boxed-set DVD edition slated for a pre-Christmas release).

The show has also spawned a popular drinking game on campuses across the country, the object being to down a ‘shot’ each time the phrase “I don’t remember” or “I can’t recall” is used. (The current unofficial record-holder is Yale’s Dwight Dunford, who managed to get 18:23 minutes into Gonzales’ testimony before passing out.)

The newest addition to the summer line-up has already rocketed to the top of the must-see TV chart within mere days of its premier airing, The REALLY Great American Race, whereby Republican family values office-holders attempt to publicly confess to straying from their marriage vows before the fact that their names appear on the DC Madam’s customer list hits the airwaves. (First contestant David Vitter beat the clock by mere hours.)

The names of errant husbands who will appear on the show have, for obvious reasons, yet to be revealed. However, crafty tabloid journalists are trying to gain an advantage by camping outside of pricier jewelry boutiques, watching for hurried purchases of expensive gifts suitable to assuage an outraged spouse.

The first fatality of the GOP’s summer line-up was last week’s ”Jail Birds Fly Away Home”, starring Scooter Libby, which was immediately cancelled, having failed to catch on with viewers as was previously predicted.

However, hopes are running high for today’s premier of "An EXTREMELY Inconvenient Truth” starring newcomer Robert ‘Bob’ Allen. The hijinks begin when our unsuspecting hero solicits sex from a male undercover cop – well, no spoilers here, but you can only imagine the hilarity that ensues! (Robert Allen, by the way, is no relation to George Allen, whose short-lived 2006 series, “The Macacca Moment”, quickly faded into oblivion, along with the politician’s career.)

Surprisingly, the President’s Speech on Iraq series, once popular with the couch potato crowd, has been renewed for yet another season despite ratings so low, they’ve fallen off the radar screen. “The show is so repetitive, even we can’t tell if it’s a new episode or a rerun from four years ago,” said a member of the production staff – who refused to comment further due to an ongoing investigation into why this flop is still on-the-air.

Despite the respectable ratings the aforementioned programming is bound to attract, critics are predicting an early demise for two new GOP offerings, “Terror Alert” and ”Safe On Our Watch”, which will be airing in the same time slot on competing networks.

“Splitting your audience share in this way traditionally leads to both shows being ignored by the viewers,” said a WH programming advisor, adding that the dwindling number of people who tend to tune-in this kind of fare are easily confused in the best of circumstances, without being exposed to contradictory subject matter.

But ever optimistic, the Republicans are confident that this will be their best season ever, thanks to the rave reviews already being proffered by TV critics Bill Kristol, Rush Limbaugh and Bill O’Reilly – who have an uncanny ability to predict sure-fire success.

So get out the popcorn, folks – looks like we’re all in for a summer of GREAT viewing!