Can I Have Your Attention, Please? - Democratic Underground

NanceGreggs

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Sun Jul-15-07 01:25 AM
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Can I Have Your Attention, Please?

Edited on Sun Jul-15-07 01:26 AM by NanceGreggs

A Memo to the White House
From Nancy Greggs

It’s obvious that you guys are trying to distract the nation from your recent, ahem, troubles. The noose (you’ll pardon the expression) is getting pretty tight around the ol’ neck about now, and you need something to get that increasingly-nosey public out of your face.

So you’ve decided to go with that newly-released Bin Laden tape, terra-terra crap, yet again – and I gotta tell you it’s going to greeted by the citizenry with the same big, fat yawn it has been the last thirty or forty times you used it.

Face the facts, boys. It’s the same-old/same-old, and nobody’s buying – although I have to admit the Chertoff gut feeling business was a nice twist on an old theme. But in terms of distracting the country from presidential incompetence, administration corruption, and related criminal activity, Skeletor having a queasy feeling isn’t going to do it.

I know your problem – we all do. You want to do something that will get people focused on something other than the growing realization that you guys are murderous crooks – because even you’re smart enough to know that that 26%, as dumb as they are, aren’t going to hang in there forever. And there’s that “I” word that’s being tossed around pretty frequently these days, not to mention a bunch of GOP rats who recognize a sinking ship when they see one, and have an overwhelming desire to keep their own asses dry.

So let’s talk turkey. I have a few tips for you that are guaranteed to get the country’s attention to the point where some of the angry populace may even put down their pitchforks, and lower the heat under the vat of boiling oil.

You want to start small. So you have the Bush boy make a fifteen-minute speech on national TV without lying (no, not even a little white lie about how good Momma Bush looks in horizontal stripes).

With that small PR investment of a quarter of an hour, you’ve got the attention of people all over the globe – and if you can get him to not mispronounce any words, or blurt out something nonsensical about putting food on your family or some such, the world-wide audience will be riveted. After all, in all the years this little pissant has been in office, they’ve never heard him speak truthfully and coherently – ever. Now that’s news.

Now you move on to the big stuff. The Bush boy makes a statement (I’m thinking Oval Office, but the setting is optional) about how he’s realized his mistakes in Iraq, and will start withdrawing all US troops immediately. Hey, you wanna talk about getting people’s attention? There won’t be a single network that doesn’t interrupt your regular programming for that ratings-grabber.

At this point, Cheney emerges from his spidey-hole and announces that he’s donating every penny he’s earned on his Halliburton stock to rebuilding New Orleans. (It would help if he actually handed the oversized mock-up check to an appropriate NOLA recipient, instead of having it wrestled out of his thieving grasp).

But wait, there’s more – because you want real distraction, don’t ya? I’m thinking a mass resignation ceremony, where folks like Rice and Gonzales can make little speeches about leaving office for personal reasons, blah, blah, blah – you know, the usual fare when one of your guys has to get thrown under the bus to protect the others. (I understand you can get good tips on “wanna spend more time with my family” speeches on George Tenet’s website).

I’m here to tell you it’s a brilliant plan. The country – no, the world! – will be so dazzled by these pronouncements, they’ll only have a few minutes here and there to concentrate on what warmongering liars you have all been since day one.

But you have to act now. Every minute you hesitate is a minute wasted. Get out of Iraq, oust your incompetent appointees, rescind the tax-cuts for the wealthy, end subsidies for corporations, and you’ve got a publicity tornado that will wipe every Paris Hilton story off the MSM from now until American Idol starts its new season.

It’s a wild plan, I admit – but it’s so crazy, it just might work.

And in the current climate of a pissed-off citizenry wanting to kick your asses out of DC and straight to the Hague, you might want to consider all available options.

It’s not like you have anything better up your sleeves, right?

Yeah, I know, I know – it’s not a solution to your many problems; it’s just a temporary bandaid to try and stem the bleeding.

But at least it could give you enough breathing room to hire a good lawyer or two. You’re probably gonna need them in future.