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Too many of us are looking at the current people in power as larger-than-life characters, too distant from our own lives to be seen as just a bunch of everyday crooks and liars, subject to the same vulnerabilities that have brought down much more powerful men.
The truth is that we all KNOW these people. We all went to high school with them …
We all went to school with George W. Bush. He was the little guy who swaggered around the halls, magnanimously waving to all of his friends, never noticing that no one ever acknowledged his presence.
He couldn’t do anything in gym class without winding up in the nurse's office, but he always bragged about excelling at sports that weren’t part of the curriculum. “If this school had a polo team, then you’d really see me in action.”
He drove an expensive sports car, paid for by mom and dad, and made snide comments about the fixed-up jalopies in the school parking lot. He talked incessantly about his clothes, his vacations, his membership at the club, and never failed to mention the price of each item – over, and over, and over.
He failed most courses, and barely squeaked by with a passing grade on the rest. This was because he was too smart for school, and wasn’t challenged enough to bother studying. There wasn’t a teacher on staff who was close to his intellectual level.
He didn’t show up for graduation; his story was that he had better things to do, and would be bored by that cap-and-gown ceremonial crap. To this day, there are no records of his ever having earned a high school diploma.
We all went to school with Dick Cheney. He was the go-to guy for a couple of dime bags, or a fake ID for the beer runs. While he was going steady with the principal’s daughter, he was banging at least two cheerleaders and a number of other girls who had a reputation. He charmed all of his teachers with his politeness and self-deprecating manner when complimented and, as a result of being above suspicion, was able to easily cheat on exams and earn stellar grades.
After graduation, at which he was given the Good Citizenship award for the fourth consecutive year, he went on to college, where he became the go-to guy for harder drugs and fake CIA and FBI IDs.
We all went to school with Condi Rice. She was the girl who wore cashmere sweater-sets and pearls to class, when everyone else was in tie-dye and jeans. She ingratiated herself quickly with teachers, often reminding them on a Friday afternoon that they had forgotten to assign homework for the weekend.
Condi was always extremely busy. She couldn’t make the Future Secretaries Club meeting because she had to be at band practice. She couldn’t show up for the Prom Committee meeting, because she had to be at her Chess Club get-together.
When the yearbook came out, Condi was listed as a member of a truly impressive number of clubs and committees – even though no one ever remembered her participating in a single one of them. As a result, Condi was voted Most Likely to Wind Up Working in Government.
And surely we ALL went to school with Alberto Gonzales. He fawned over the popular kids, and was too stupid to realize that they were only friendly to him when he paid for their lunch, or agreed to do their history assignment for them.
He showed up at all of the school dances stag, and explained that his steady girlfriend (who was in her twenties and a super-model) was in Europe on a swimsuit shoot and couldn’t make it – but she’d be there next time for sure.
Alberto often invited the popular crowd to parties at his parents’ place when they were away. These parties only lasted as long as it took to grab all the booze and pack it into the trunk of someone’s car, so the real party could continue down on the beach. Of course, Alberto was never invited to the real party, but he bragged about the success of his little get-togethers for weeks.
Alberto was a lackluster student, but managed to get passing grades from teachers who just felt so God-damned sorry for the lil’ guy. He spent a fair share of time in the principal’s office, denying his involvement in things like sneaking exam questions out of a teacher’s desk and passing them on to the in-crowd kids, whose favor he was always trying to curry. But he managed to escape suspension by either claiming a faulty memory, playing the you’re picking on me because I’m a minority card – or, if the inquiry got really heated, ratting-out some other student who, he fervently prayed, would never find out who dropped the dime.
Alberto graduated, just barely, and later went on to attend law school, where he excelled in the area of ferreting out obscure legal loopholes.
Now do you remember these guys? They're still doing the same shit they did in high school - they're just doing it on a much larger scale.
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