I'm a Twenty-Six Percenter!

[NanceGreggs]

I’m one of the twenty-six percent of citizens who still believe in our great President Bush, and everything he’s done for our country!

I believe my tax dollars should not be wasted on welfare, healthcare, and other communist programs. That’s why I support an administration that uses my tax money to increase Halliburton's profits, or just allows it to go missing in Iraq!

I believe in the party of moral values. That’s why I vote for the party of Duke Cunningham and Mark Foley!

I believe that trickle-down economics will eventually trickle down to me, and I will become a billionaire. That’s why I support tax-cuts for the wealthy!

I believe in Jesus Christ and all of his teachings. That’s why I condone torture!

I believe in war and protecting the homeland. That’s why I declined to enlist, so I could stay here and encourage other people to join up!

I believe drug addicts and sex perverts should be in prison. That’s why I listen to wholesome Americans like Rush Limbaugh and Bill O’Reilly!

I believe in the sanctity of life, and protecting the unborn. That’s why I cheer when I hear about an abortion clinic full of people being blown up!

I believe in smaller, non-intrusive government. That’s why I support the president’s wire-tapping program!

I believe in the party of fiscal responsibility. That’s why I support the Republicans who continue to run up the national debt!

I believe that if we don’t fight ‘em over there, we’re going to have to fight ‘em over here. That’s why I stay States-side, so I’ll be armed and ready in case they show up!

I believe that homosexuality is a sin and a threat to American society. That’s why I support the 100% gay-free Republican Party!

I believe in the concept that we are all God’s children. That’s why we have to kill Muslims, because God never meant for them to be part of the family!

I believe that it is my responsibility to stay well-informed. That’s why I have FOX-News on the TV, 24/7!

I believe the president has enhanced the state of education in our country. That’s how I lurnt to speek and spel so gud!

I believe the Commander-in-Chief chooses reliable military advisors to assist him with his war strategy. That’s why I respect every new one he appoints, no matter how often he appoints new ones!

I believe a well-rested president is an effective president. That’s why I’m happy we have a president who is on vacation thirty-six weeks out of every year!

I believe we should Support the Troops. That’s why I have a yellow-ribbon bumper-sticker on both of my SUVs!

I believe in free choice. That's why I'm going to vote for whoever Pat Robertson tells me to vote for!

I believe that all Americans should enjoy good health. That's why I believe sick, uninsured Americans should die and leave the rest of us to enjoy our good health!

I believe that solid family values are the backbone of our country. That's why my third wife, myself, and my current mistress are all campaigning for Giuliani!

I believe in spreading democracy around the world. That’s why I’m glad we let Iraqis vote while we were bombing the crap out of their country!

I believe in America and everything it stands for. That’s why I display my made-in-China flag proudly on my front porch every single day!




P.S. I believe that the fact that we twenty-six percenters became twenty-four percenters in the time it took to write this is just further proof that the surge is working!

[CaliforniaPeggy]

1. Ah, my dear Nance!

Perfect, fucking perfect, sweetie!

Another one out of the park!

I don't honestly know how you do it!

Do you stay up nights thinking these brilliant essays up?

Don't ever stop, OK?

We need you too much...

K&R, but you knew that already.......

Loveya, girl....... :loveya:

[NanceGreggs]

7. Right back at ya, CalPeg!

:hug:

[Cant trust em]

30. Honestly though...how do you do it?

On a good day I can only get around to posting maybe 5 times. I feel like I'm reading Nance's posts all the time. Very entertaining.

[tkmorris]

2. I believe you are one of the best posters here

It's really good to see you back regular here Nance.

[No DUplicitous DUpe]

5. I believe what TK just posted...

Another great post. Bravo!

[Suich]

3. Excellent!!!

:yourock:

[Supersedeas]

25. seconded

[superkia]

4. Yes, you are very good at this!

I actually laughed out loud when I saw the P.S. statement.

Thank you for you effort and time, well spent!

[AtomicKitten]

6. I believe you've got it!

K&R

[shireen]

8. NanceGreggs, i love your words of wisdom! God Save the King! errr, I mean, The Bush!

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[NanceGreggs]

9. "God Save The Bush" ...

... isn't that the B side of Ashcroft's single, "Let the Eagle Soar"?

Just wonderin' ... :shrug:

[shireen]

11. LOL! And I bet it's sung off-key! nt

:)

[geniph]

36. That sounds more like an anti-waxing plea

but maybe that's just me.

:evilgrin:

[NanceGreggs]

44. ...

:rofl:

[Faux pas]

10. Brilliant as usual! Thanks! n/t

[blondie58]

12. just dripping with sarcasm

which is all the respect that King Bush deserves....


I am SO glad that you're feeling better. Thank you.

[Kolesar]

13. I guess that this means that bush has fallen to 26% approval

I have not been reading the internet for a few days.

[lazyriver]

14. This is so priceless:

"I believe that solid family values are the backbone of our country. That's why my third wife, myself, and my current mistress are all campaigning for Giuliani!"

It would also work to add or substitute any of the following: "Meth dealer, gay (or not)prostitute(s)I frequent, or convicted felon friends/lobbyists".

Great post.

[Sparkly]

15. I love it!

:applause:

[The Wizard]

16. I start reading your rants

without looking at the author beforehand. About halfway through it starts sounding sarcastically familiar. Then I get to the end and see Nance Rants and think I should have figured it out by the fourth sentence. Keep ranting, and ask some of the remaining 20% how much more money they have in their pockets from the tax cuts and the debt surge.

[SnowCritter]

17. Another one spot on!

I don't know how you do it, but I love your work!

[postulater]

18. And just how are you related to Stephen Colbert?

:headbang:

[Mad_Dem_X]

19. LOVE IT!

I should print this and put it up on the refrigerator here at work. There are a couple of people here who are just like that!

[wicket]

20. K & R

:kick:

[Kurovski]

21. Talk about a surge...

"I support the 100% gay-free Republican Party!" :rofl:

The Gay Agenda IS WORKING!

R

[Phredicles]

22. Yo, Nance, I think Sen. Feinstein somehow got your password.

[LeftishBrit]

23. Great - and so true!

[AnotherGreenWorld]

24. ...

:eyes:

[pacalo]

26. Nance, you are just amazing!

This is another keeper.

I've got a fundie cousin who works for the Corps of Engineers, & I'd like to make just a few applicable changes before sending this to her:

-- I believe in Jesus Christ and all of his teachings. That’s why I condone torture & exclude gays from human rights!

-- I believe that if we don’t fight ‘em over there, we’re going to have to fight ‘em over here. That’s why I stay States-side, so I’ll be armed and ready in case they show up (during campaigning season)!

-- I believe the president has enhanced the state of education in our country. That’s how I lurnt to speek and spel so gud! (If you agree, passe this on to ten of your frands!)

[NanceGreggs]

27. I LOVE this one:

(If you agree, passe this on to ten of your frands!)

:rofl:

[pacalo]

28. I get more forwards from her than anyone else that instruct me to forward to 10 people.

Or else I'll be damned. I just had to include that!

You rock, Nance!

[ce qui la baise1]

29. That's perfect, for something that makes me feel so bad

[onethatcares]

31. may I

plagerize this and use it to thwart unsuspecting rightwingers?

[NanceGreggs]

33. Feel free to pass this along! n/t

[SteppingRazor]

32. Bwahahaha! K&R!

:applause:

[EnricoFermi]

34. It's like 31% now

Apparently people like FISA and executive orders removing the freedom to protest the war.

Maybe government cheese was remade into Kool Aid.

[bperci108]

35. Another brilliant one Nance.

Not just out of the park, but clear across the street and into the river.

Hope you don't mind, but I'm keeping this one as a reply to the FreepMail I get from RW whack-jobs occasionally.


And BTW - a K&R for you, too. :patriot:


:kick:

[Triana]

37. Rec #50 fer ya Nance - you GO girl! (n/t)

[meowomon]

38. Brava!

Well said!

[onewholaughsatfools]

39. GOOD GOLLY MISS MOLLY

you know have to state your case........blessings

[genieroze]

40. ROTFLMAO!

I was trying to read it aloud to my husband in the other room and I kept on laughing while trying to read it.

[Prophet 451]

41. Damnit, Nance!

Every time you write one of these things, I get disheartened that I can't write this well and then I have to go to all the trouble of k&r'ing as well!

[AnotherGreenWorld]

46. SVO. SVO. SVO. You can't do that?

Whatever you do, do not read the works of Friedrich Nietzsche, Marcel Proust, James Joyce, or Thomas Mann. If SVO writing disheartens you so, such writers may cause you manic depression.

[Prophet 451]

52. SVO?

OK, I give. What does SVO mean? And you did know I was kidding, right?

(Incidently, I find Joyce to be unreadable).

[AnotherGreenWorld]

55. I thought you might've been.

SVO=Subject Verb Object.

I am cool because I like dogs. That's why I fart on them.

I am cool because I like (insert other object). That's why I (insert action that seems highly inconsistent with liking object in first sentence).

And so on.

Edit: Brackets weren't working.

[Grandrose]

42. Brilliant as usual!!

The 24/26 percenters....clueless and/or hypocrites be their names as set forth by your righteous rant.
Thank you! :applause:

[antigop]

43. Thanks for that, Nance! Superb job. n/t

[The Doctor.]

45. Something really pissed you off today huh? Your disdain is more palpable than usual.

Well said, makes me want to choke some of them... more. :evilgrin:

[Maestro]

47. If there are any editors perusing DU, get some balls

and hire NanceGreggs please! I'd buy a subscription to the rag even if it were the NY Daily News or Moonie Times! If she's there, there is at least one good thing about your paper, magazine or syndicated on-line journal.

Good stuff as usual!

[SeanQ]

48. Thanks!

[FourScore]

49. Sigh...If only I had your talent...

K&R another great one from NG.

[OwnedByFerrets]

50. K & R You've done it again. TY

[ladym55]

51. I have only one thing to say ...

:rofl:

I was laughing out loud by the time I got to my favorite moral leaders, Rush and Bill.

[orleans]

53. absolutely wonderful! and i found this thirty minutes after recommend time was up

but, in my heart, i completely recommend this!

[aquart]

54. Love it.