John D.R. Atchison, Asst USAttny, pederast...

[dave123williams]

His name was really ringing a bell and it left me trying to remember my AP US History, and why it *might* be ringing a bell. So, I did a little digging:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/David_Rice_Atchison

This is just too perfect:

"It appeared as if the Kansas Territorial legislature to be elected in March 1855 would be controlled by free-soilers and ban slavery. This was viewed as a breach of faith by Atchison and his supporters. An angry Atchison called on pro-slavery Missourians to uphold slavery by force and "to kill every God-damned abolitionist in the district" if necessary. He recruited an immense mob of heavily armed Missourians, the infamous Border Ruffians. On the election day, 30 March 1855, Atchison led 5,000 Border Ruffians into Kansas. They seized control of all polling places at gunpoint, cast tens of thousands of fraudulent votes for pro-slavery candidates, and "elected" a pro-slavery legislature."

Somebody correct me if I'm off the mark here, but it looks like he was named after the nefarious US Senator, David Rice Atchison?

Same moral fiber, anyway.

[BrklynLiberal]

1. Could very well be a direct descendant...

[Tandalayo_Scheisskopf]

2. Caught trying to have sex with a 5 year old.

Words fail. While I am dead-set against the death penalty, I wouldn't be all that disappointed if someone where he is being held screws up and lets him keep his belt and shoelaces.

[TomInTib]

4. That won't be necessary.

When news of the kid's age gets out, someone will just twist his head off like a chicken's.

Did you read those articles?

"Just gotta go slow and very easy. I've done it plenty,"

Hell, I would gladly kill him myself.

[Tandalayo_Scheisskopf]

7. Well, Thomas...

I have a feeling that this person is going to get sweated good and hard by the investigators, to try to find out if he was telling the truth about having "done it plenty". They will also do a complete investigation of everything this guy has done since puberty.

Of course, you can also bet that there will be a lot of people coming out of the woodwork on this one, to accuse him. There are dangers in this. Besides the nuts who generally crawl towards the light in situations like these, you can also bet that an assistant USDA has made enemies. The question is: to what lengths would someone go to lie about him and destroy him?

That said, looks like they got him good on the Instant Messaging evidence. IM'ing leaves tons of evidence on computers.

[Warpy]

6. Or just disarmed him so he couldn't do it again.

That would work, too.

[TomInTib]

3. Wasn't the Good Senator President-for-a-Day once?

I seem to remember something along those lines.

[dave123williams]

5. Correct!

Though he was never sworn in...something to do with the president-elect not wanting to do anything on the Sabbath, I think.