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It's been a crazy week, so why not enjoy some Friday Night Headlines (paraphrased for YOUR reading convenience):
“Move on MoveOn Moves Moolah”
Thanks to yesterday’s Senate vote condemning MoveOn for their General Betrayus ad, the organization pulled in $500,000 in donations within twenty-four hours. The organization is now planning a massive campaign going after politicians who are supporting the war.
Now, if the right-wingnuts take the bait again (and they’re not exactly known for their ability to learn from past mistakes), MoveOn will raise enough dough to launch an even larger campaign, which will, in turn, be ‘condemned’ thereby raising even more money – you get the picture.
If we can keep this up, MoveOn will be the wealthiest organization in the country. Thanks, Senators!!!
”Empty Head Proposes Empty Seats”
My absolute favorite PNACer, Billy Kristol (he’s kinda like Dopey of Seven Dwarfs fame, only dumber) is suggesting: “There might be one form of protest that would be effective both in showing appropriate disgust for the Iranian regime, and in shaming the Columbia administration: A total student boycott of Ahmadinejad's speech. Let the Iranian president (and the Columbia president) look out on, and speak to, a sea of empty seats on Monday."
You’ll note that this time around, Billy is restricting his comments to merely being a serving suggestion, as opposed to predicting an outcome. Got burned once too often on that Kristol-ball crap – you know, that thing he uses to foresee the exact opposite of what’s about to happen in Iraq.
“FOX CALLS OUT KENNEBUNKPORT COWBOY”
Mexico’s Vincente Fox recalled a meeting in Mexico when he offered Mr Bush a ride on a ‘big palomino’ horse, and the BushBaby "backing away" from the animal. ''A horse lover can always tell when others don't share our passion," he said, according to the Washington Post.
We hear ya, Vinnie. We noticed that same backing away action when Georgie was facing going to Viet Nam.
“Fabulous Freddie Flunks with Fundies”
Focus on the Family founder James Dobson dealt a devastating blow to Fred Thompson’s presidential aspirations, by stating of the former senator: “I don’t think he’s a Christian. At least that’s my impression.”
And thanks to that lock-step mindset of the Fundie base, that immediately became the impression of every God-fearing/war-lovin’ Evangelical the minute they heard about it.
I can only accept this as further proof that the Lord does indeed work in mysterious ways – in other words, Freddie’s Dead, and the political afterlife he’s gone to, like Circuit City, does require receipts.
“So Many Mosques, So Little Brains”
Republican presidential candidate Rudy Giuliani stood by Congressman Peter King, a homeland security adviser to his campaign, over his comment that there are “too many mosques” in the country. “I know exactly what Pete meant,” said Mayor Nine-Eleveny. “I knew what he meant before I heard the clarification.”
King’s statement: “Unfortunately we have too many mosques in this country, there's too many people who are sympathetic to radical Islam. We should be looking at them more carefully, we should be finding out how we can infiltrate, we should be much more aggressive in law enforcement."
When asked if he would remove King from the campaign, Giuliani said, “I’m not about to do that….what he meant was there are mosques where violence is preached. I know that from my own investigations of Islamic terrorism. I also know there are many mosques where it isn’t.”
Which just begs the question: When did Giuliani have the time to investigate said mosques when everyone knows he’s been at Ground Zero 24/7 since 9-11?
I’ll give Giuliani credit for one thing: he is apparently mindful of those who have made a living explaining what Bush has said for the past six-plus years – and you can’t blame a guy for trying to keep that gravy train on track for the LOPEMs (Legion of Professional Excuse-Makers). Who knew Rudy was a pro-union man?
But wait, there’s more:
“Giuliani Fakes Fame”
"I'm probably one of the four or five best known Americans in the world," Giuliani told a small group of reporters at a London hotel. The only problem was the fact that the attendant onlookers were way more interested in actor Dustin Hoffman, who was also guesting at the same hotel.
You remember Dustin Hoffman, the actor who played a young, naïve boy seduced by an older woman, who then – oh, sorry, I guess Rudy’s best performance Oscar was awarded in Opposite World, where an old lecher seduces a younger woman … my bad.
But wait, there's STILL MORE:
“Giuliani Fakes Phone Foreplay”
Apparently former mayor Rudy Giuliani (who many of you will remember as the man who single-handedly saved NYC from terrorists on September 11, 2001 – okay, nitpickers, it was after-the-fact) was interrupted during a speech to the NRA by a phone call allegedly from his “wife” (Note: Which wife allegedly called was not specified).
A spokesman for the Giuliani campaign would not say whether the call was planned or not. But Mitt Romney’s campaign later provided a YouTube link showing Giuliani doing the same thing at an event in June.
Poor Rudy. Someone in his campaign should tell him that rerun season just ended, and the new fall programs are already being launched.
As for Mitt’s people being able to jump on the story immediately, I guess we’ll all have to think again about the power of The Magical Underwear, and the super-powers undoubtedly betstowed upon its wearers.
“BUMBLIN’ GEORGE REWRITES “THE PREMATURE BURIAL’”
In a speech defending his administration's Iraq policy, Bush stated: "I heard somebody say, ‘Where's Mandela?' Well, Mandela's dead because Saddam Hussein killed all the Mandelas.”
As one newspaper put it, “Such references to Mandela are seen as insensitive in South Africa,”, courteously failing to mention that the rest of the world just sees such a remark as dumb-ass stupid.
But then it’s Bush we’re talking about, so the phrases insensitive and dumb-ass stupid are self-evident in every Bush quote, and need not be reiterated.
“CNN ASKS ULTIMATE ‘DUH!’ QUESTION”
The Talking Heads over to CNN were out in force this week in the midst of their 24/7 coverage of O.J. Simpson’s latest misadventure. "Why is the public so consumed with anything to do with O.J.?”, they asked – over, and over, and over, and over.
Call me crazy, but methinks the only public consumed with O.J. news is the staff of CNN.
Maybe Anderson Cooper can do a special Investigative Report program about why CNN is so obsessed with this topic – followed by an Investigative Report program about why millions of viewers are grabbing for the remote every time they tune-in to CNN’s coverage of why viewers are obsessed with O.J. Simpson.
Inquiring minds want to know – and not for nuthin’, Anderson, but this story is as impordand as it gets.
“PETREAUS COVERED IN WORMS AFTER OPENING CAN OF SAME”
Looks like the supporters of General Petreaus (if indeed that IS his real name) should have kept questions about the general’s “sterling reputation” on the down-low. Looks like that Bronze Star with Valor device he was sportin’ during his not-to-be-questioned report on the situation in Iraq has led to some questions being raised about how he was awarded the medal, and why.
Oh, what a tangled web … ah, you know the rest.
“RATHER WOULD RATHER THE TRUTH BE TOLD”
After launching a $70-million suit against his former employer, CBS, Dan Rather said undue influence of the government and large corporations over newsrooms spurred his decision.
"Somebody, sometime has got to take a stand and say democracy cannot survive, much less thrive with the level of big corporate and big government interference and intimidation in news," said Rather to CNN's Larry King. "They sacrificed support for independent journalism for corporate financial gain, and in so doing, I think they undermined a lot at CBS News."
I hate to say it, but Rather is so pre-9/11, so Edward R. Murrow, so journalistic integrity, so unabashedly, um, truthful.
Maybe when CNN does their next “Keeping Them Honest” segment, they can do an explosive expose on themselves and the rest of the MSM. And if they did, I might actually watch it.
So might we all.
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