Help, Mom! There Are Terrorists In My Crappy Children’s Books!

meegbear

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Sun Sep-23-07 10:51 AM
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Help, Mom! There Are Terrorists In My Crappy Children’s Books!

I was planning to just breeze through my email before setting down to work for the day, but my efforts were brought to an abrupt halt by this heartfelt, if unsolicited, message from Archibald P. Campbell:

My fellow Americans…

The Terrorists are everywhere. To learn how to protect your children from their murderous schemes, please visit my website… http://archibaldcampbell.com

Be sure to pass this info on to your family, friends, neighbors and co-workers, but be careful… The Terrorists may be watching!

May God bless you all…

-Archibald P. Campbell

Now I haven’t got any children, but I do have two cats. And if the terrorists are stupid enough to launch an attack against my non-existent children, the cats could become collateral damage. So I figured it was time to learn more, and clicked on the link to discover that Mr. Campbell has written a children’s book:

And when I say book, I mean Flash animation. Well, not exactly animation, but it’s definitely a succession of images, narrated in a pwecious voice by a putative child. Anyway, here’s the blurb from Mr. Campbell’s site:

Dear Concerned American
On September 11, 2001, a most vicious and dangerous enemy attacked our nation and gave a wake up call to every American. Now nearly eight years after that tragic day, a day that we pledged to never forget, there is a generation coming to a tender age that have never witnessed the evil achievements of the terrorists with their own eyes.

Which makes it harder to bring them up as God- and terrorist-fearing Americans. What good is it to heed John Gibson’s call to "Make more babies!" if we outbreed liberals and brown people only to find that our own ReichKinder are complacent about statistically insignificant threats and resistant to manipulation through alarmist talking points? Wouldn’t that be a fine how-do-ya-do?

I feel it is my duty as an American, a Parent and as a man of faith to prepare this tender generation as well as the generations yet to come for the dark future that could lie ahead of them. In today’s haze of liberal propaganda, it is hard to know whom to trust and these vicious left wing tactics of trying to dispel the obvious terrorist threats around us are only confusing our children.

And there’s nothing more confusing to a child than a lack of omnipresent dread. Studies show that children raised in homes where they feel safe and nurtured will grow up, like sociopaths, with a feeling that deep down inside them, something is missing. You can supply that missing something by showing them, with the aid of this book, that terrorists wearing explosive belts are hiding in their bathroom:

It is my hope that my books will educate children at a young age to be aware of the terrorist’s threat abroad and at home. My books embody the spirit of traditional American family values and teach our children to beware of whom they talk to and where they live.

So turn off the television, gather the family around the easy chair and enjoy these fun and educational stories that you can cherish in your family forever.