So Much Sensational Snark, So Little Column Space

[BlogBox]

This week's sensationally snarky, beverage-spewing blog topics: William Safire (age: 77) thinks he's Flavor-Flav; what does Bill O'Riled-Up do every seven seconds?; photo gallery: which one talks like your grandmother?; Blackwater: Bladerunner skinjobs?; happy 4th anniversary, Rude Pundit!; when you've lost Dobson, you might as well hang it up; and DUers rock it in style. Enjoy!

Stuck On Stupid: When Wingnuts Fly Out Of Each Other's Butts

Scientific fact: Bill O'Reilly uses derogatory names every seven seconds.

Source: A new study by Indiana University media researchers

Hurry over to Think Progress for the details. My favorite wingnut comment:

How is Olbemann's worst person in the world segmant any different?

Where to start? Spell check much, wingnut? Two-minute segment vs. hours and hours of daily hate speech for a "brazillion" years? Have you ever actually watched Keith Olbermann's "Worst Person In The World" segment? Reporting the facts on each contender is not "derogatory." Buy a damned dictionary. Time's up, wingnut. I'm about to call Frederick of Hollywood "dumb." So bite me.

Kagro X at Daily Kos neatly defines Fred Thompson's supporters as "La la la! I'm not listening!" voters.

Fred Thompson is one of the whatever percentage of idiots we're down to now who still believes that Iraq was hiding WMD right up until the invasion.

(snip)

About the best interpretation that can be given to this impossibly stupid statement is that "sometime prior" could mean 20 years prior.

And apparently, pressed for details, that's exactly the spin he leaned on.

Thompson later said he was referring Saddam's attack on Kurdish northern Iraq with banned weapons in the 1980s.

(snip)

Yeah, Fred. They totally had WMD, and they spirited them out of the country on the eve of the war.

In golf carts.

Poor dumb Fred obviously didn't get the memo. Even card-carrying conservatives have figured out the BushCo WMD big lie by now. This just in: Fred fails to wow them!

From Josh Marshall @ TPM:

Nyquil

From the NYT (via Kos) ...

Twenty-four minutes after he began speaking in a small restaurant the other day, Fred Thompson brought his remarks to a close with a nod of his head and an expression of thanks to Iowans for allowing him to "give my thoughts about some things."

Then he stood face to a face with a silent audience.

"Can I have a round of applause?" Mr. Thompson said, drawing a rustle of clapping and some laughter.

"Well, I had to drag that out of you," he said.

Really never a good sign when you have to do a shout out for your own round of applause. And this guy's neck and neck for the lead.

Zzzzzzzzzz, indeed. Wakey, wakey! It's time for...

I Am Woman! Hear Me Cackle!

MYDD cuts to the chase this week and exposes the blatant sexism in the latest attacks on Senator Hillary Clinton. You see, it's not nice for Penisless-Americans (54% of the electorate, by the way) to laugh "cackle" in response to incredibly stupid media questions.

The Clinton campaign had to be popping champaign (sic) corks. One of their strategic challenges from day one was to effectively counter the sexist notion that Hillary would be taking orders from her husband in the White House. With one quick comeback, Clinton not only emasculated poor little Timmy Russert, but established her strength and independence in one of those moments most campaigns can only dream about. And, yes, the audience cackled while women voters across America (that would be 54% of the electorate) shouted at their TV's, "you go, girl."

You know what continues to amaze and confound poor little Penisless-American me? The fact that Senator Clinton can't possible beat the big boys without campaigning like... well, the big boys; but, her association with them makes her candidacy distasteful to the very people who want to beat the big boys and win back the White House. 'Tis a puzzlement, indeed. Besides, the R's are attacking all of the Dem candidates with gusto this election cycle. Haircuts, bad breath, and soft on the "right" to hate speech, anyone? Hm. Those tightie rightie attacks don't seem to be working...

Welcome Back, Welcome Back, Welcome Back!

One of my favorite blogs, Down With Tyranny, has the best news since the invention of the commercial bread slicer:

Nothing is for sure in politics, although even Kentucky Governor Ernie Fletcher's cabinet members are sure enough that voters plan to boot him and his crooked administration out of office that they're already job hunting. According to a recent Lexington Herald-Leader "Kentucky's top state insurance official inquired about getting a new job in the industry she regulates because she thinks Gov. Ernie Fletcher's re-election looks 'bleak... I think I may need a job soon. Latest poll shows 18 pts with 90 days to go,'" wrote Julie McPeak, executive director of Kentucky's office of insurance.

Also on the possible chopping block or hightailing it out of Dodge to avoid a humiliating 2008 defeat: John Sununu (R-NH); Norm Coleman (R-MN); Gordon Smith (R-OR); Susan Collins (R-ME); Pete "Sneaky Pete" Domenici (R-NM); Larry Craig (R-ID); Chuck Hagel (R-NE); John Warner (R-VA); and Wayne Allard (R-CO). Excellent news! But remember, there's always room for...

Nosepicker News

Who's scary now? From Hollywood Elsewhere:

Two Martin Schoeller prints at Ace Gallery, 9430 Wilshire, Beverly Hills, during a benefit gathering -- Thursday, 9.27.07, 10:05 pm

Hint: As per the hilarious reader comment, don't fear the one who talks like your grandmother. My, my. Wait! There's some nasty BillO nose-picking wingnuttery afoot...

Keep digging, BillO! Despite his Fox handlers and legal eagles advising him to 'let the story die," Bill O'Riled Up has decided to go all jihad against the media smear machine. Stop laughing. He's "series" and "this is HUGH111" Media Matters has the entire transcript and audio of O'Reilly Coyote's refusal to admit he was being blatantly racist when he announced his surprise that black people in a restaurant acted just like civilized white people... along with his threat to retaliate and his wish that he could strangle them all and not get executed or go to hell. Laughing in BillO's radio wave face, WTF Is It Now? notes the BillO effect on GOP presidential candidates who must've been too afraid of black people to show up at the Morgan State Minority Issues debate:

Sorry, we don't speak jive

Top GOP hopefuls avoid minority-issues debate, possibility of being attacked by baggy-pantsed crack-heads shouting for more ice tea, mofos.

Hey, if they're afraid to face black people, how are they going to be able to stand up to al Qaeda?

Ya know who else probably doesn't speak Jive? If you missed this next little gem at Best Week Ever, you're not "Ah-ite"...

William Safire Finally Catches Up With 1992

That's right, Safire (age: 77) has decided that kids say the darndest things:

William Safire - a 77 year-old Times columnist primarily known for his political writing and old timey ways - has apparently been hanging around outside the NYU dorms, because he's bringing us the straight dope on the phatest, freshest lingo coming out of the kids' mouths these days. So if you're feeling a little sketchy about how to speak the New Slang. There's so much hilarious goodness that I suggest you read the entire piece, but here are a few of my favorite parts:

"Ah-ite." The meaning is "O.K." The sound is an amalgam of all and right, which used to sound like "aw-rite" but now is compressed into a sliding "a'ight," as the teen-slanguist Fred Lynch transcribes it.

Well "teen-slanguist Fred Lynch" ain't just a'ight, yo. He's exactly right supa-f*cking tight in the dynamite, a'ight!

Word-blending is big in campuspeak. "He's sort of a nerd, but he's just so adorkable" combines adorable with dork, the amalgam defined as "endearing though socially inept" by Prof. Connie Eble of the department of English and comparative literature at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill.

Mos def, yo. Though if you were truly hip to the fresh, you'd call them word mash-ups. Still, you're totes adorkable.

Psst! Mr. Safire, Sir: I'll bet no one ever accused you of being "the cat's meow." But I have to wonder why your publisher would allow you to embarrass yourself in such an idiotic manner. Sigh. Ya gotta wonder how newly hip-to-be-cool, Stella-Shoutin' Safire would answer this next question...

Blackwater: Bladerunner Skin Jobs?

Michael at 2millionth web log thinks there might be (Snarcasm Alert!) a connection.

There's a Blackwater USA spokesperson named Anne...Tyrrell. True, it's not an EXACT match (two "r's" as opposed to just one), but it's goddamned close enough...Tyrrell's dismissive attitude towards the Congressional investigation...plus the fact that the Executive Branch is fucking SHIELDING Blackwater (via the State Department), well...


No, milk and cookies aren't keeping me awake, but there's something about Blackwater that's more than a little fishy...

Hm. Interesting theory, Mike. Considering how much that Blackwater Prince/DeVos brother looks and acts like an Ollie North replicant. Welcome to Pottersville notes:

American Psycho Goes to Washington


How do you like our fascist brown-shirting? Comments? Questions? Suggestions? Complaints? Dial 1-800-EAT SHIT.

That's basically what America was told by Blackwater USA chairman Eric D. Prince and lawmakers on Capitol Hill yesterday.

The Prince and DeVos families of Michigan have forged a ponderous chain of rightwing infamy, and Michigan Messenger has the 411 on the lot of them, including their alliance with James Dobson. Speaking of Dobson...

Let's Play Name That Candidate!

Which GOPer, according to MoJo Blog, has "no passion, no zeal and no apparent 'want to" and "can't speak his way out of a paper bag on the campaign trail?" Yep, you guessed it: Fred Thompson. The Thompson critic? James Dobson. Ain't that a kick in the head? Not only does Dobson not endorse Frederick of Hollywood, he also doesn't endorse either McCain or Giuliani. That leaves Huckabee, Romney and/or Newt. Slim pickins (Sorry, that actor can't run; he's dead), any way you look at it, Dobson. Hm.

Maybe it's time to launch a "Draft Buchanan" grassroots effort. Think I'm kidding? Ol' Pat was in rare form on "Meet The Press" this week, explaining how prudent (trans. cheap and time-saving) it is for Republicans to ignore black voters. Check out my blog post (at Delilah Boyd) for the... creepy Buchanan math formula and his apparent memory lapse as to his 1996 running mate, Ezola Foster. Remember her, Pat?


Hm. She looks black, Pat. And possibly penisless. Remember that when you start attacking Senator Clinton, Pat Man. For more fun with wingnut "math"...

Symptoms May Include Fuzzy Math (And Could Be Fatal)

Quick! What's 32% of 1%? Pencils down. The answer (from Daily Kos): The percentage of questionable human drug trials Bush's FDA finds fault with.

With the FDA only peeking in at less than one percent of trials, and pulling out the big eraser when it finds problems, is it any surprise that many of the drugs being so heavily marketed over the last several years have turned out to be something less than safe?

Just add it to the list for an administration that wrecked FEMA, turned mine safety into a joke, and systematically removed the regulations that were erected to provide consumers safe food, drugs, and water. For a party where the top candidates are afraid to express a belief in evolution, the Republicans seem dedicated to survival of the fittest. And in case you weren't aware, for Republicans fit = rich.

I should probably stop laughing at those lists of possible side effects, spewed by speed readers at the end of commercials. How about you?

Thank A DUer!

Thanks to Didereaux for some seriously funny graphics, featuring Stan the Stupid Virus. Here's one:


Didereaux has only been creating these gems for a month and uses Photoshop 7. Check out other Didereaux jewels (@ Flickr) and keep watching DU for more!

Thanks also to Tab for alerting us all to another dangerous Chinese Toy:

Another dangerous Chinese toy recalled...


(Saw it on BartCop.com)

Note: That particular toon is from Bart's Tuesday Oct 2, 2007 Vol 2048 - Dirty War edition. Thanks for the chuckle, Tab! And...

Thanks to lwfern for always focusing on the issue at hand and always pointing me in the right correct direction. Here's a blast-from-the-past example of her thoughtful posts, in which the sentiment, "language matters," keeps me from entering flame wars without extreme caution:

It is counterproductive for me to tell a black person I'm offended by their discussions of racism. If they are talking about how white folks as a whole treat them, I don't need to chime in to say "that's not all white people." They know that. I know that. If they are talking about racism, to paraphrase Julian Real, that's the time for me to adopt a posture of listening.

Likewise, if women are talking about being oppressed as women in some way, you need to recognize that it is not individual cases; it's the cultural norm. Demanding that we treat it as individual cases is not helpful. It's not helpful to act as though violence against women is being perpetrated by "a few bad apples" and we need to individually weed those out through the court system with its stunning 2% sentencing rate. Demanding that we stop talking about it as if it's a cultural norm is not helpful. It's a means of silencing us.

Thanks, DUers! You rock! Finally, shout it out with me...

Happy Anniversary, Rude Pundit!

Can you believe it's been four years since The Rude One began spewing the most hilarious version of blog truth online? How time flies when BushCo is eating your soul. In honor of this milestone (the anniversary, not BushCo eating your soul), The Rude Pundit will answer some email questions. Click on over and participate! While you're there, check out this post about how stupid Laura Bush looks in her "color of dried blood" dress at an event to celebrate books. Here's the pic:


Even more stupid, as per Rude: Mrs. Bush's speech writers don't understand the Shakespeare quote they slipped into the text, and the first (grade-level) lady didn't catch the mistake. Fun times. Fun times.

What a week! Elected Dems are kicking ass and taking names, wingnut voters are actually sick of suffering the slings and arrows they armed their own elected R's with, and Schmuck W. Bush had to veto a crucial child heathcare increase behind closed doors (the veto override showdown is scheduled for Oct. 18).

So much sensational snark, so little column space. Question: how many times did pompous wingnut, BillO spew derogatory comments in the time it took you to read this column? Add them up and keep sending those great blog links and DU post alerts to [e-mail]. 'Til next week...

-- Delilah Boyd

[Vickers]

1. Bravo!

Well done, yet again.

[NMDemDist2]

2. so glad to be the 5th R, nice to have you back

:hi:

[bleever]

3. Really,

the guy who writes Top Ten Conservative Idiots must be either really worried for his job, or really proud, because this is great stuff. Buzzflash ought to link to this too. It's literate, incisive, and funny.

[Didereaux]

4. I'd like to thank you publicly for the kind words...

I am truly flattered to have had you highlight my stuff in BlogBox.
It is one of the wittiest on the web.

Thank you again
Didereaux

[displacedtexan]

5. EarlG (Top Ten writer) is my editor.

He shapes the content of the weekly DU Blog Box column and makes it shine.

Glad you like it!

Delilah