My grandmother, the sweet and loving person she's always been to me, is a racist....

[ShaneGR]

This is going to be a long post, and I'm sure there will be some disparaging comments about my grandmother. That's fine, comes with the territory in the internet world. This post isn't intended to bash Obama, get that out of your head, just a real life experience that I had today.

So, I grew up in northeast Ohio in a city called Akron. Fairly integrated area, I went to a private catholic high school with 25% african american kids. I went to college on a much bigger scale with maybe a 10% black population. I am not a racist. I have black friends and I will always have black friends.

After I finished school I originally went to DC, decided it wasn't for me, and moved to Florida. I'm now a small business owner.

So, I often call home to say hi to my grandmother. She was widowed a year ago, and I know she is very lonely. So I call every week or two, see how she is doing, basically just check up on her.

Today I called, it's Valentines day afterall. My grandmother has never voted Republican ever. And she has voted in every election for the past 30 years, never missed one, straight ballot Democrat.

She grew up in Akron, went to a city school, 50% African American even in the late 40s early 50s. Lets just say she had some bad experiences with African Americans back then. My understanding is that back in her generations early years, there was aggressive racism on both sides. Not just whites on blacks but blacks on whites also. A lot of misguided hatred.

She's carried that through her entire life. She's one of the sweetest old ladies you'd ever meet, but quite frankly she's scared of blacks and hates them.

So today I called, and the subject turned to politics. She says she wants Hillary and Bill back, I say that it doesn't look good for Hillary. Obama will probably win the nomination.

She says that if he does she isn't going to vote for the first time in forever. She'd never vote for a Republican.

So, I start to talk to her about the differences in generations. I was an Edwards guy, and then I went with Clinton (If you are a Presidential candidate, you clearly don't want my support). But I tell her that I grew up in a different time, the blacks I went to school with all came from middle class families. I learned to judge people on their merits, their intelligence, their morals, etc. I saw the neighborhoods many blacks are forced to grow up in and decided that many are in fact scarred by history. The streets are a harsh place, and my suburban upbringing was cake compared to what most blacks have to deal with on a daily basis.

She says she knows I'm right but because of her own past, it's hard to deal with and she doesn't think she could vote for N-word with a muslim name. She admits that he does have great speeches.

So, I break it down for her. I tell her that if Obama does get the nomination it will be McCain vs Obama. That George W Bush is an idiot, she calls Bush the worst disaster she's seen in her entire life (she turns 81 next year). We can't have another Republican in office no matter what. She agrees with me but says she just won't vote.

So I say, Nona (Italian grandmother), I'm not in Ohio anymore, cast a vote for me there. Go to the polls and vote for me.

She agreed to do that. If Obama is our candidate, my grandmother will go to the polls, put her differences aside, and cast a vote for me.

If Obama wins the nomination, which appears likely at the moment, you will have these same conversations about race and hatred with people who aren't comfortable voting for a black man. You will have to have these kinds of conversations. That's it.

End of post.

[FrenchieCat]

1. Lots of Racist Democrats, it appears.

Considering that Republicans had no problem with Colin Powell or Condi Rice...as President.

[babylonsister]

3. Frenchie, the glass is half or more full; there are lots of Dems who

are not racist, too. It's not perfect, but it's positively getting better.

[ShaneGR]

4. Personally removed

It's all good.

[FrenchieCat]

6. You are right....it did.

I removed some of it.....

[moobu2]

11. Plenty of black racists as well

[Drunken Irishman]

7. I take my cousin to Catholic School every day and there's a guy who came over from Africa.

I don't know how long he's been in America, but I think most, if not all, his children were born here. Well last Tuesday he asked me if I was going to vote and I told him I was and he asked me who and of course I told him Obama, as I'm never afraid to tell someone who I want as president. Then I asked him and his answer surprised me. He was voting John McCain. I asked him why and he said because he wanted security. Eh, good enough, I guess.

[Sebass1271]

15. uh, doesn't he know that Obama will be good also for

our national security? if that is the perception of people, then Obama has some serious work to do on our national security and defense...

[Sebass1271]

8. I think you misunderstood his/her message

Read it again. She/he was saying that his grandmother is a racist but that he isn't. AS a matter of fact, i felt some agony in his writing. It seemed like he/she loves obama and was trying to convince grandma that he is and could be the greatest president this country ever have.

your overeacting..

[Freddie Stubbs]

10. I would bet that there are plenty of Republicans who would have a problem with Powell or Rice

[FrenchieCat]

18. They like to win more than be worried about Democrats and what they think.....

Those who didn't like Powell and Rice had more problems with their Social views than with their color.

[ShaneGR]

21. Hey Frenchie, I think you're too sensative

I know that most people out there aren't perfect. Everyone has a fault, a prejudice, whatever, something in the closet. But most people don't think like that. They deal with their regular lives, their pensions, insurance payments, mortgage or rent. They bitch when they fill up their gas tanks. They complain about work and wonder why someone hasn't called them in so long.

Most people don't think about politics and its connection to their everyday lives. That's a fact. They pay attention to the news for maybe five minutes a day. They're uninformed. That's why it's important to talk to them on an EVEN AND CALM level, don't combat a prejudice with a prejudice. Doesn't work.

[FrenchieCat]

22. You would be too......

you would be too.

[ShaneGR]

23. hmmm, probably.... I would be too...

I know what you mean. But these things take time, look how far we've come, a black man and a woman are our leading candidates. Who would of thought that that 40 years ago when Johnson was signing the civil rights act and MLK was celebrating alongside him.

[FrenchieCat]

24. But like you, I think the time is now.......

and the candidate is Barack.

and the family is the Obama family.

[ShaneGR]

25. Definitely a great picture....

Someone for the African American community and the entire nation to look up to. And we need more of that btw.

[Frances]

30. I grew up in segregated Alabama

At that time white people were Democrats because the Republicans were the party of Lincoln, who freed the slaves.

After the Voting Rights Act was passed in the 60s when Johnson, a Democrat, was President, the segregationists became Republicans. Only the whites who accepted integration remained Democrats. That's why African Americans make up half or more of the Democratic Party in many Southern states, even though their percentage of the state's population is far less than half the population of the state.

I don't think the majority of Southern white Repubicans would vote for either Rice or Powell for president. I think they'd go for a third party candidate.

Edited to add this comment I just read on another thread:
"Analyst Charlie Cook of the Cook Political Report was more skeptical of the idea that Mr. Obama could contend in the South, especially in states such as Mississippi, Georgia and Tennessee. "White voters in Mississippi don't vote Democratic. They just don't," said Mr. Cook. He also believes that the greater the black turnout, the more anti-Democratic white voters become. Possible exceptions include Florida and Virginia."

http://online.wsj.com/public/article_print/SB1203042646...

[ShaneGR]

32. Florida....

Since I live in Florida I'll reply to this one. Obama will need to do heavy outreach to hispanic voters down here. That's why if Obama gets the nomination, I think he might go for the home run and pick Bill Richardson as his VP. Two term governor from a Hispanic state.

[SIMPLYB1980]

16. Also a lot a sexist democrats to. Go figure.

[roguevalley]

26. Good for your grandma going to do this for you. Anyway she can

work this out, even microscopically, is good for her.

[babylonsister]

2. Good for you. I say you educated Nona, or at least gave her some

food for thought. That's always a good thing.

[Tatiana]

5. Good for you. It's NEVER too late to learn.

:hug:

[NOLALady]

9. Scared of all blacks and hates them

because of a few childhood incidents. Right. Her choice. :eyes:

[Leopolds Ghost]

38. There's a lot of racism in this country. Most of them are only human

It's the people who internalize their hatred and become right wing
demagogues that you can't reason with, because they've turned hatred
into a raison d'etre instead of something they're embarrassed to
talk about. racist right wingers actively seek out people they can
confide their hatred to, while most Americans believe if you can't
say something nice about somebody, don't say anything at all.
The flip side of normal people's reserve is that you can't really
tell how prejudiced people are, even nice people, till you get to
know them.

[goldcanyonaz]

12. Read another post earlier about a grandmother who would never vote for a woman.

:cry:

Thanks for the honest post, very heartfelt.

[ShaneGR]

14. I think it's just people out there, prejudice is real

But the only way to deal with it is to talk to the person. Especially if they are close to you.

[kiva]

13. Thanks for the honest post.

We can't pick our family--my father was that weird sort of racist who would say he didn't like/trust people who were black/hispanic/asian, but had a hispanic friend and always had long conversations with a neighbor who was black. His explanation was that these guys were "different." I guess the point of this is to say that I'm glad you could persuade your grandmother to support our candidate (whoever it is), and tell you that you're not alone in struggling with issues of love and respect regarding family members with prejudices we don't share.

[Frances]

17. About 30 years ago

I was tutoring a white high school student who had gotten beaten up by a couple of African American students. He told me that he was prejudiced as a result of that incident. I had the feeling that just by listening to him talk about his experience, I was helping him work through his feelings. He was basically a decent guy and I think he wanted to get to a place where he could be more objective. I like to think that he did.

But anyway I'm glad that you took the approach you did with your grandmother.

[Diamonique]

19. This post really touched me.

I am an African American. Born and raised in Detroit. My father had his 90th birthday just last week.

I was raised to judge people as themselves.. not by their color. And that's why it shocks me when -- occasionally -- something will be shown on the news that brings out my father's prejudiced views. It shocks me because he didn't raise me that way. And he doesn't usually talk that way.

But you see... he was born and raised in Mississippi. As a young Negro back in those days he saw and felt things that I probably can't imagine. So I don't try to talk him out of it or reason with him. He's 90. Let him have his moments of anger and bigoted talk. He's earned it.

I'm sure your grandmother has her reasons. In any case, neither she or my father are about to change those feelings this late in their lives.

I'm happy that she's going to cast that vote on your behalf. My dad doesn't think Obama will ever be president. He says they (meaning the White folks) won't let it happen.

::: sigh :::

We can take heart. The young folks are changing things... little by little..

[ShaneGR]

20. Little by little....

Regardless of whether or not it's a woman or a black man, I have a feeling we're in for a meaningful change in this country. Just have to have these conversations with our relatives.

[Auntie Bush]

28. he young folks are changing things... little by little. Here's my experience.

We come from an all white neighborhood. So white..my children had never even seen a black person when they were young. We weren't prejudiced, as blacks weren't a part of our life...they weren't in our conversation and in those days blacks weren't even on TV.

Well my brother married a girl from Baltimore and when they came up to visit my sister-in-law used the N word in conversation. We were totally SHOCKED! I was embarrassed for her and we tried to explain nicely
that we were offended by her comments. We had never heard any one talk like that. She explained that if we lived in Baltimore...and had her experiences...we would understand. Even after leaving that neighborhood for almost 50 years ago...she was still prejudiced...although she didn't use the N word in front of us anymore. However, I wouldn't be surprised if she still did among selective friends. She never lost her attitude as childhood can really have lasting effects...as others here noted.

Well guess what? Last month she became the great grandmother to a black baby! Ha! What goes around comes around. So yes, the young folks are changing things... little by little.. and sometimes by a lot.

[Shine]

27. That's sad, but I think there are probably others like her.

all you can do is what you can do.

It sounds like you tried and maybe it's not a done deal yet.

Maybe she'll change her mind and decide to vote for him afterall, in the interests of getting the Repukes out.

We can only hope....

:hug:

Thanks for your post. I lived in Pataskala for a while, so I know right where Akron is. :hi:

[Avalux]

29. Thanks for your post. It's difficult when people you love think this way.

I posted something similar about my mom yesterday; happier ending though. If you want to read, here it is:

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=132&topic_id=4574214&mesg_id=4574214

Hang in there. :hug:

[Arugula Latte]

31. And the flip side is if HIllary wins the nomination, you'll have sexist men

pondering their vote.

Sad that these are still both huge issues.

[demo dutch]

34. We a HUGE gender problem in his country!

[Hill_YesWeWill]

33. wow, that's really inspiring, thank you!

Race Does Not Matter!

[Sara Bradi]

37. i agree a very inspiring post n/t

[McCamy Taylor]

35. Nona will get over her racism when Obama fixes her Medicare RX

[Leopolds Ghost]

36. This is a touching story.

My grandmother grew up in one of the most racist parts of the country -- northern Louisiana... she was moderate compared to her neighbors. But she averred that there were good black people and there were bad black people. She said some of them were her friends. Only she didn't always use that word. Her kids still have a tricky relationship with the (black) lady who raised them as a nanny. My grandmother is now passed away and their nanny is now going blind and is taken care of by her grandchildren.