|
I just received yet ANOTHER cryptic message by carrier pigeon from Stella, that GOP right winger from Texas! Now she’s spitting mad over charges that Obama is lying about Hillary and NAFTA, and insisting that we Democrats nominate Hillary ---
"Lesson fer Libruls Number 7: Message to the Bamster: Shut up about NAFTA.
Dear Librul. Dang! Well it looks like time ta take yer bamboo curtain where the sun don’t shine! All right you lilly liver! It’s back ta Hillry gettin’ the nomination. Bama ain’t gonna win Texas or Ohio! It’s me again, Crumple Lips, Stella the Texan with the last word on the election, and Bama. Ohio is gonna be Bama’s DOOMSDAY. Guvner’s fer Hillry, an’ all them ‘lectrical vote machines, vote TABULATORS, all them lil electrons zippin’ around faster an’ a speedin’ lightnin’ bolt! You ever hold an electron in her hand? No way ta check up on all them SUBATOMIC PARTICLES zippin’ around. Perfect fer hackin’ inta. NSA boys uh take care o’ THAT! You KNOW you can’t beat the MACHINE. Face up TO it. Hillry’s the one you need, Hillry’s the one gonna get the nomination! Now, about NAFTA. Hillry did NOT support NAFTA, Fuster Brain. She wants ta fix it. That thing about her sayin’ it was a boon was a MISQUOTE. How are a bunch o’ underpaid Mexicans gonna take money away from American workers when the Mexicans is paid so little? Doesn’t sound like they’re takin’ much money ta ME. Ahm gonna lay it on the line again fer all you dumb libruls and THIS time I’m nailin’ it on the head, Mr. Deer-In-Headlights. First things first. Nominate Hillry. SHE’S THE ONE YOU NEED. FOLLOW ORDERS AN’ NOMINATE HER. You’ve HEARD the cry of the people, right on her town hall infomercial! It was NOT scripted. So listen to REAL PEOPLE an’ vote fer the little drummer girl. Cuz the GOP needs someone with a rubber band smile and no ideas ‘cept what she got from ‘Bama to run against so we can take back the REAL hill, CAPITOL Hill, after you LIBRULS stole it. We’re stealin’ it BACK fair an square, donkey face. Fergit about Hillry stealin’ lines from the Bamster and then callin’ the kettle black. That’s a LIE. It’s the other way round ENTIRELY. Bama’s a PLAGIARIST. Ahm just lookin’ forward ta yooz cryin’ yer lil eyeballs out when you hit that Texas an’ Ohio backstop. NAFTA? Never took away no American jobs and that is WHY Hillry was always fer FIXIN’ it from the very beginnin’ ANYWAY! You jus’ shutcher face about NAFTA and don’t think about it. Things are FINE in Hillaryland! Just FINE! Hillry says she’ll be fine and she did NOT get that line about her bein’ fine from Bill or Edwards! Don’t get me wrong. I LOVE you libruls! I love you ta pieces! I am so lookin’ forward ta Hillry gettin’ the nomination! Just like Ann Coulter’s votin’ fer Hillry! Now you march ta the votin’ booth RIGHT this minute an’ do what Stella says, Vote fer Super Girl. She can’t lose. Pay no attention to Whitewater, Madison Guaranty, Susan McDougal, Rose Law Firm, Filegate, Robert Fiske, Kenneth Starr, the cattle futures scandal, photos of Hillry smoochin’ it up with Yasser Arafat’s wife, uranium deal in Kazakhstan, Pardongate, sellin’ the Lincoln bedroom, Clinton’s third term, travelgate, Vincent Foster’s suicide, socialized medicinegate (ridiculous! Hillry has the best healthcare plan, the BEST!), Bill gettin’ impeached, skirt chasin’ all OVER the White House, Monica’s dress, Monicagate 24/7/365 and all the rest of it! But ahm openin’ up a can o’ LOSER JUICE 5000 all over Bama cuz we GOPers got NUTHIN’ on Hillry! You ferGIT about all that cuz Hillry’s a SYMBOL! That’s all you need ta know. I am woman hear me roar, in numbers too great to ignore. Keep singin’ that. Besides. After that internet contest ta pick her CAMPAIGN SONG you just KNOW she’s WITH IT on the internets! She knows all about the YOUTUBES and the Xerox machines. Trust Hillry ta protect net freedom! DLC? That stands for DO LOVE CLINTON! Ever hear the expression “Don’t fire till you see the whites of her eyes” --- I mean the whites of THEIR eyes, papaya mouth? Well fergit it. We Republicans would NEVER go dirty on Hillry! What, you think we’re just waitin’ till she gets the nomination? We LOVE Hillry! We can’t WAIT fer her ta get the Dem nomination! We just love her ta pieces! THAT’S why Rupert Murdoch loves her so much! All his hostin’ her and donatin’, an’ all? You think he’s got somethin’ up his sleave? Course not! He just loves her out o’ the goodness of his blushing little heart! I say the goodness of his blushing little heart!! Ya hear me? The goodness of his blushing little heart!! Pay no attention ta all them LEFTISTS tellin’ yuz that Hillry’s road kill in the fall. If we had dirt on Hillry, how come we didn’t FIND any? Now I been hearin’ yuz callin’ Hillry “Cruella deHill.” Now you shutcher trap! Hillry’s the nicest candidate there ever wuz! Cuz McCain’s a geezer an we need somebody really LOATHESOME on the Dermacrit side to bring out all us Death’s Head Republicans ta the polls ta vote! And McCain was never in bed with no lobbyists! Only one news organization says THAT! Bama’s a nobody but we got a dossier on Hillry the size o’ Fort Knox, motor mouth. Ya know why yer a motor mouth? Cuz you won’t shut up, raptor breath! But the Repubs? We’re nice, polite an’ quiet! You think we’re gonna be runnin’ anti-Hillry ads day an’ night? NEVER! Mentionin’ Hillry in all our fund raisin’ appeals? When did we ever do THAT? Don’t be ridiculous. Hey. We don’t even CARE about money! We’re too NICE ta use that big dossier we got on Hillry! We would never USE it because --- WE LOVE HILLRY. But Bama? He’s a cultist. Repeat after me. B.A.M.A. I.S. A. C.U.L.T.I.S.T. And a plagiarist BEIN’ as how he copied the words of his speech writer VERBATIM. Hillry would NEVER copy nobody else’s words! An’ one more thing. You don’t REALLY think Bamer can win after we seat Florida an’ Michigan, do you? Well DO YOU???!!! You KNOW it’s gonna happen. Listen ta Ann Coulter. No time ta think! March ta the slaughterhouse RIGHT THIS MINUTE and nominate Hillry! Because: We. Love. Hillry. Kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss. You better love her too. Trust me. Trust Stella the Texan. With Hillry you can’t lose. So nominate Hillry. I’m only tellin’ yooz Dermacrits ta vote fer Hillry because we Repubs have YOUR BEST INTERESTS AT HEART, you lousy lily livered, yellow toed, turtle tummied, smash mouth, armadillo ridin,’ buck tooth, sarsaparilla slurpin,’ wild eyed cultist Dermacrits!!!!!! Again, nominate Hillry."
I still haven't figured out what to send back to Stella by carrier pigeon....
|