Why I had to explain to my 5 year old Black daughter the concept of prejudice in America

[FrenchieCat]

I will share with you that I have a 20 year old daughter and that I live in the Northern California Bay Area, the bastion of liberalism.

When she was 5 years old, and in Dance Class, the instructor had chosen a little White girl to be her partner. The instructor requested that each dance partner hold hands with the other. The little girl looked at my daughter, hesitated and said under her breath very annoyed.....Yuk, Black. And each time they let their hands go, the little girl would wipe her hand off on her clothes.

My daughter shared that story with me that day on the way home, and that is when I had to start educating her on what color she was, and how that mattered in America.

As a parent, I found it pretty devastating that I had to explain to such a young child the history of her people in the context of how they had been treated negatively by the very society in which we were supposed to belong. I hadn't calculated that this "education" would have to start so early. I was hoping that it would be a bit more delayed, and that she would be allowed the happiness of childhood without having to think about why a society would have ever disliked people that looked just like her, in the present and in the past.

By the end of the car ride home, I felt a bit less free. The topic of that conversation that I had with my 5 year old child that day, and days and months and years following were not of my choosing, because I was not given a choice.

[FrenchieCat]

1. Hopefully, White folks here can tell the story of when they had to

explain to their small children about such matters.

[ampad]

9. Sad

I hold my breath everyday when my six year old gets off the bus from school. I never know when the day will come when she is called a nigger, I never know. I know that day will probably come it came for me when I was just five. It makes me so angry to think that someone would hurt my child in such a way but I know it is coming. Most parents of children of color know that day is coming and most parents are heartbroken when it does come. I always say I am prepared for that day but I am not. How do you prepare for such a situation? My mother seem pretty calm when she explained to me and my sister but I could still see the hurt and anger in her eyes through the calmness.

[hueyshort]

62. The most popular girl at my daughter's pre school

was a black girl. Everybody loved her. She got all the best parts in the school plays,
and probably finished at an Ivy League college.

Little kids are always hurting each others feelngs. It's part of life. Put her in another
school if it looks like the kids are bigots.

[UALRBSofL]

44. Well, Frenchie, now, put yourself in a situation

of being a black woman, having a 5 y/o, but, your a lesbian. Now, you think your discriminated against, yet, I have never once read one post of yours defending GLBT's. You know, I'd like for us to make a list of how each of us are discriminated against and see who has the longer list. You post about race and discrimination but you have no clue how we are discriminated against. Now, I appreciate the story about your daughter, but, I pray she never has to go through what a GLBT goes through.

[FrenchieCat]

47. I believe in equal right and freedoms for all.......

I don't believe that this is a competition. Both groups are discriminated against. The only difference that I might see is that black people can't hide what they are, while Gay people shouldn't have to hide who they are.

Discrimination is and will never be good.
I just happen to speak of my own experiences because they are just that.

[yardwork]

70. I believe you. However, I've noticed that you never defend gay people

on this board. You've said a lot of harsh things to us, in fact. But that's not the point of this thread.

I'm very sad that your daughter experienced that when she was so young. There's no excuse for it. And somebody taught the white five year old to hate, too - at such a young age.

[JNelson6563]

67. I have such a story

As I read your OP I marveled at the similarities in our stories, in spite of the differences. Where I live it is pretty darn white. When my now 19 yr. old daughter was about to start school (about age 5) I got her a book from the library about it, complete with photos of kids in school.

As I was reading aloud to her I noticed her really looking at the picture and saw it was a little black girl that she was focusing on. I asked her what she thought of the picture and she said she thought "that girl" was very pretty, she touched the pic. of the girl. She then said she wished she had dark skin like that. I knew then that it was time to tell her about the ugliness of racism.

I told her that there were people in the world who would automatically not like this little girl because her skin was dark. I explained as best I could in terms she could understand at the time about how some people are just too scared to be able to like people who are different from them. I also mentioned if you took everyone's skin off we'd all look the same.

It was a sad event for me to have to explain such a thing to a sweet child who was puzzled by it all but I also felt empowered. I realized the power I had to shape this young mind in regard to her attitude toward her fellow humans.

I'm sorry to hear your daughter went through such a thing.

Julie

[alphafemale]

68. My daughter cried her eyes about out when she first started seeing "things"

I deliberately raised my kids exposed to a wondrous mix of people.

And she was only five or six.

She saw it.

I don't remember exactly what I told her. But I did tell her that you can not be discouraged and you must do what you can every day to change the world.

[LynzM]

2. Oh, FrenchieCat, that sucks... :(

I'm so sorry you had to go through that, and that your daughter had to learn that lesson. I'm so angry at parents who teach their children to judge on the basis of race. Kids don't assign that kind of meaning automatically, as far as I have seen and believe. My daughter's best friend last year was Ethiopian (we are European-mutt, and they were 4, at the time) and my daughter asked about the difference in the color of their feet (they did some kind of feet-wiggling at school during circle). I told her that people have different colors of skin, that's all. She accepted that. It makes me so angry that so much judgment and racism is passed on!! If we could just stop perpetuating it for one generation, and let people's merits speak for themselves... :banghead:

:hug:

[FrenchieCat]

6. The thing was that I was somewhat unprepared to deal with it then.....

because, for whatever reason, I believed that I could delay explaining this to her. I was hoping for a later time so that she could better grasp and understand what I was saying, and not conclude that she was in any way less than any other.

[LynzM]

20. I hear you...

(((hugs))) I hope that by hearing the sentiment from you that she is not any less at such a young age, that you helped embed in her the belief that the problem is with society, and not with her.

[geek tragedy]

3. I hope your daughter recognized how lucky she was.

/GeraldineFerraro

[Bryan Buchan]

4. Touching story....thanks for sharing....

I have a son who is about to have his first Birthday, it is sad to know he will discover the same horrid 'truth' someday.

[knixphan]

5. I had to receive that education as a young boy as well.

As did most of my friends of color. Living between NYC and LA, two other liberal bastions.

Unfortunate, but a part of the necessary preparation for this imperfect world.

Like antelopes born into the wild on the discovery channel...

"Welcome to this beautiful world...now get up and RUN! There's a Lion coming!"

[FrenchieCat]

7. It is unfortunate, but fortunate that it isn't every parent that is

required to do this; just those lucky ones!

[PresidentObama]

8. I'm a homosexual and....

...live in Conservative part of Missouri.

It's hard on my family seeing prejudice against me and others like me.

The world is a good place, and a bad place.

Unfortunately, the bad let's itself out sometimes.

[FrenchieCat]

18. That was part of what I had to explain to my 5 year old.

She understood this better as she grew older.

[NMMNG]

28. Watch out,

Otherwise a certain somebody will come along and tell you the world isn't all about you, like they did to me yesterday because I dared point out that we too suffer bigotry. (Not referring to the OP of this thread)

[Skidmore]

38. It is disheartening when so much bad is allowed out and

nourished so that it grows. Hopefully, we can make it change, one person at a time, so that all people will feel welcomed and none turned away. The goal is a better nation and a better world.

[XemaSab]

10. That SUCKS

K&R. :( :pals:

[Name removed]

11. Deleted sub-thread

Sub-thread removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[Uncle Joe]

29. We're all a product of the past, and the past was five minutes ago,

at what point should we stop living in it? I don't believe anyone can stop living their life experiences until they're dead, to which they will only live on in their surviving family and friend's memories.

[AtomicKitten]

12. I am just deflated that a child's wide-eyed innocence is violated by this nasty truth.

Thanks for sharing your story.

K&R

[AGirl]

13. when i look at your icon, i just think how much hatred you have spew against Hillary

[FrenchieCat]

14. This was a personal story of a child,

which you obviously don't care about.

It would have been better had you not posted at all, as you added nothing but Hate to this thread.

and please know that I do not hate public figures such as Hillary, as I found long ago that this emotion doesn't begin to address the issue.

Anger at some, but never hate....otherwise, I would have raised a hateful child, and that isn't what happened.

[ClayZ]

15. (((((FrenchieCat))))

Both my daughters are Pre-School teachers.

One is the "Music Specialist".

She is teaching the wee ones that we all Sing With The Same Voice!

:kick:
Sesame Street Lyrics - We All Sing With The Same Voice

My hair is black and red
My hair is yellow
My eyes are brown and green and blue

My name is Jack and Fred
My name's Amanda Sue
I'm called Kareem Abdul
My name is you

I live in southern France
I'm from a Texas ranch
I come from Mecca and Peru
I live across the street
In the mountains, on a beach
I come from everywhere
And my name is you

We all sing with the same voice
The same song, the same voice
We all sing with the same voice
And we sing in harmony

Sometimes I get mad and mean
Sometimes I feel happy
And when I want to cry, I do

When I'm by myself at night
I hold my teddy tight
Until the morning light
My name is you

I have sisters one, two, three
In my family there's just me
I've got one daddy
I've got two

Grandpa helps me cross the street
My cat walks on furry feet
I love my parakeet
My name is you

We all sing with the same voice
The same song, the same voice
We all sing with the same voice
And we sing in harmony

I like to run and climb
I like to sit and read
I like to watch my TV, too

And when it's time for bed
I like my stories read
"Sweet dreams" and "Love you" said
My name is you

We all sing with the same voice
The same song, the same voice
We all sing with the same voice
And we sing in harmony

[mahina]

16. Heartbreak.

Sorry Frenchiecat that our society is so ignorant sometimes. I wish I could say 'that was then', but we both know it is now. So sad for your daughter and for that mixed up little white girl and all the rest like her.


I'm listening to Barack's New Hampshire speech, saving to my ipod, and I do hope and believe that we are beginning a new chapter in our history. I'll do everything I can to elect Barack Obama.

I told you the story a long while ago about my son when he was a kid, when they were playing and a ball went over to another group of kids- one of them said- "It's over by that black kid" and my son said, "He's not black, he's blue".
He had a blue shirt on.
Aloha.

[Solon]

17. I dread having to have such a talk with my nephew...

He's still young enough where its extremely unlikely that he would be put in that situation, he's not old enough for school yet, but I really don't know what I would say, and I don't know how his mother would handle it, its more likely that he'd tell me, and she likes to ignore reality, so I'd have to deal with it. I'm sorry we live in such a world where such talks and explanations are necessary to tell children, its really sad. :(

[OhioBlue]

19. Thank you for your stories Frenchie

They are so important.

It is heart breaking to think of the innocence of childhood taken away at such a young age.

[here_is_to_hope]

21. Frenchie...

My five year recently went down to Disneyland and 'met' her first black friend while we were waiting in a line.. (we live in a very white town...)

"Dad?"
"Yes Stella?"
"That little girl must live at the beach cuz her tan is way better than mine!"
Those two were inseparable for the three days we were there, we spent a lot of time with her parents and made new friends ourselves. Nothing like Disneyland through the eyes of two five year olds...

While Stella speaks some Spanish and 'knows' about races, I was thrilled to see her color blind and to be sure, she will stay that way!

I am sorry your daughter had to experience that but I also know, she will never treat others that way and that the cycle of racism is slowly but surely fading thanks to Us.

[FrenchieCat]

23. I wish I was so sure.......

but it appears that this election cycle is about to teach young people everywhere a thing or two.

[cbayer]

22. Your daughter is lucky to have you.

When I was five, my parents took me on a trip from our all-white suburban neighborhood outside Washington, DC, through the south.

They did this to show me the segregated bathrooms and drinking fountains. They showed me the signs in the restaurants that told blacks they weren't welcome. We traveled through rural areas to see how black people were forced to live.

And I thank them for it. They knew that I needed to know what was really going on.

My children grew up in New Orleans and saw for themselves on a daily basis what bigotry is, so I didn't have to show them. And all three of them despise bigotry in all of it's forms.

Thanks for the story.

[Hepburn]

24. OMG............

........how sad. :hug:

I am so sorry this was done to your daughter. Kids can be so terrible cruel to other kids. Looks like someone was raising a nasty little bigot. How sad for that child, too, that she would cut so many wonderful people out of her life because they are not the same as she is. What a fucking boring world that would be if we were all alike!

JMHO

[DearAbby]

25. My heart breaks at this story

I just dont have the words...

I am white, I will never know how that feels, but it feels bad now. My heart aches.

[InAbLuEsTaTe]

26. Sad, sad story.

[stillcool]

27. I have no children but I have a story...

of my own childhood. There was this huge open field across the street from my house, and way on the other side of it was a black church. I used to go there late on Sunday mornings and listen to the singing. Every time I read these posts about a pastor preaching a sermon in a Black Church I remember laying in that field, and hearing those voices. A God-like moment for me if there ever was one.

[Inuca]

31. Beautiful, thanks n/t

[Skidmore]

30. Frenchiecat, it is a gut wrenching thing to see a child learn of prejudice

or to realize that color can become source of separation at an early age.

You reminded me of a conversation I had with my son when he was about 5 or 6 years old. His father was Middle Eastern and my boy's skin is a dark olive. He was sitting on the floor one day watching me work in the kitchen and he asked me about why two people he saw were friends. I've even forgotten the characteristics that called that question to mind for him because the rest of the coversation was what stuck with me. My original intent of asking him "Why did you and (your best friend) become friends?" was to teach him to focus on the intangible characterstics of a person that go into making working relationships. I was stunned when he answered "Because we were the only two kids in the school who were the same color." Now, his very best friend from the first day of kindergarten is a young fellow whose father is black/Native American and whose mother is white, and these boys have about the same skin tone. I continued to talk to him for a while about all the other things he like about his friend and what I liked about both of them. We talked that day about the color of skin and how some people make themselves small when it is the only thing about a person they see.

That evening I called his best friend's parents and told them the story and we talked for a while about this. Their child had only formed a friendship with my son, no one else at the school. We were astounded because we were living in a fairly liberal college town at the time. Together we parents went to the school and spoke with the teacher and principal and let them know that this was a concern to us. The school does teach about diversity, but teaching about it isn't the same thing as practicing it. The boys have been fast friends for more than 20 years now and they have a pretty racially mixed circle of friends which joined them throughout their school years. I hope our actions as parents contributed to smoothing the way for them a bit. I know that as adults now they face more complex issues than who to play with at recess. I'll never forget that sickening realization that my son and his friend had been forced to see themselves as less worthy of love and respect because adults couldn't treat others with respect and teach their children to do so as well.


Peace, friend.

[FrenchieCat]

36. There are many stories like ours.......many more.

In fact, it reminds me of another occurence with this same daughter. She attended a bilingual private school in the Bay Area (English/French). When she was in the 5th grade, her whole 5th grade was going to France to stay with various French families for 3 weeks. As I was originally born in France, my daughter actually had more in common with France than many of her schoolmates (all who were white except for 2 others).

My daughter confided in me that she was nervous how that family would react when they would first see her picture (as they sent a picture of each student to their respective families). She was 10 years old at the time, and I felt awful that she felt the possibility of rejection based solely on her photo. And she is a beautiful child, so looks wasn't the issue per se. Just that awful fear of rejection based on something that was totally out of her control. :(

[Leopolds Ghost]

32. I take it you don't denounce Rev. Wright's oft-repeated speech about how racism still exists in US?

The one we are all being asked to denounce??

(The "God damn America for killing innocent men women and children"
is getting FAR less airplay. NO -- we are being asked to denounce as
"black nationalism" the simple, Malcolm X like admission that racism
still exists in this country whether blacks play nice or not, whether
they try and run from being portrayed as "the black man" or not!!!

And that is wrong.)

[grace0418]

33. I'm so sorry FrenchieCat.

I grew up in a lily-white suburb of Chicago and remember experiencing just a small taste of that. I am white, but my best friend in 1st or 2nd grade was Japanese. My parents were fucked up in many ways but they never taught us to be racist, so I thought little of the fact that she looked different. I just thought she was great, and I loved her long black hair. But I remember being "instructed" by other kids that I shouldn't be friends with her because she was a "chink" (they were too ignorant to know the difference in their racial slurs apparently). It was very confusing to know that there were apparently these rules about people based on their skin or their eyes or their hair, and I was clueless about these rules as usual. She and I remained friends, but she moved at the end of the school year. How sad this still happens. It's so fucked up.

[FrenchieCat]

37. Thank you for your own story..........

ignorance in children not to know why to be prejudiced can be a blessing.

[mrreowwr_kittty]

34. Frenchie, that just takes my breath away. I can't stop thinking about it.

And the fact that at least one person is in this thread arguing that racism isn't a problem anymore saddens me even further. :(

[grantcart]

35. When I moved from Asia we arrived in Spokane and 20 miles from the Aryan National Bunker

I have been trying to explain it for 8 years and still can't figure out how to make them understand.

[bigbrother05]

39. For such a diverse country

we are so behind the rest of the world.

[robertpaulsen]

40. That was heartbreaking to read.

But your daughter is very lucky to have such a wonderful parent. Thank you for sharing that touching personal story.

:hug:

[theboss]

41. I'm not black, but I have two "childhood" stories that may relate

My parents are teachers. When I was very young, my dad taught in what would be described as an "inner-city" school at least in my area. What it was in reality was the elementary school that was zoned in such a way to guarantee that 99 percent of the black kids in the town went there. It was probably 50/50 black/white and generally speaking "lower middle class." But the rest of the schools were 99/1 black/white. So, hence, it was "inner-city."

Being 50/50 black/white it was also a good place to put all the black teahers and any young teacher. So, my dad started there. And he became friends with one of the other teachers who was black. And who had a son my age. This was the 70s so we didn't do "play dates" but they had a cook-out one day and my parents brought me and I played with her son all day. I assume these were the first black people I had ever seen in person. Later, my aunt asked me what I did on Saturday, and I said, "I played with my chocolate friend." In retrospect, I'm actually pretty happy that my parents raised me in such a way that I didn't see "races" of people but only "flavors." Things would probably be a lot better if we saw ourselves as chocolate and vanilla (which is delicious) instead of black and white.

Skip ahead a year to Kindergartern. I'm in all-white elementary school, which makes sense because I grew up in an all-white town in an all-white county in what is essentially an all-white state (outside of, like, five places). We're in play time, and I hear one kid say to another "I hate niggers, don't you?" I knew what the word meant and shoved the kid who said it. And he shoved back. And we had to go to different corners or whatever. I don't even know if I told why it happened. Again, in retrospect, how did a five-year-old in an all-white town in an all-white county in all-white state have any feelings on black people at all? Did he really hate "The White Shadow?" It's perplexing.

[grace0418]

45. My music teacher in grade school was the first black person I met. He also happened

to be a good friend of my brother's so he came to my house from time to time. Looking back now as an adult, I'm pretty sure he is also gay. Geez, what a HORRIBLE time he must've had in my hometown!

Anyway, I was about 4 or 5 the first time I met him, not quite in kindergarten, and I ADORED him. After he left I asked my brother when the "Chocolate Man" was coming over again. Naturally, my brother thought that was hilarious and told his friend, who then teased me about it years later in music class. I was really embarrassed at the time, but he thought it was great. I just loved Mr. Easley. He was wonderful.

Your story reminded me of that memory, so thank you.

As to your probably rhetorical question about people who live in lily-white places being racist, I think it really underscores the fear involved in prejudice. People fear what they don't know. I think that's why everyone should travel extensively, and with an open mind. It becomes harder and hard to be racist and xenophobic the more you see of the world.

[FrenchieCat]

54. Thank you for sharing that....

and it appears that you had empathy before you knew you had it.

[Samurai_Writer]

42. I remember when I first got called the "N" word

I was 6 years old. I lived in an all-white neighborhood and went to an all-white Catholic school. My family was 'white'. I was the only one who wasn't. No, I'm not adopted -- I inherited my dark skin from my paternal grandmother's side (heritage: German+North African) and maternal grandfather's side (Welsh+Cherokee). I didn't find out my ancestry until I was 40. All my life I thought I was mostly German with a little Irish and Welsh.

I ran home crying to my Dad that some kids called me a bad name. I had never heard that word before, but I instinctively knew it was bad. I think my Dad was shocked, because the best he could come up with was "If they call you that again, tell them they're a redneck!" I responded, "But Daddy, their necks are not red!"

Here's a photo of me close to that age, with my three sisters. I'm the oldest, the one on the right.



As you can see, I'm not even that dark. But I guess these kids had never seen anyone that wasn't pale white before.

An interesting aside is that my Dad used to say the 'N' word when he met my mother. She told him that she wouldn't continue dating him if he kept using that word. My grandfather, so I'm told, was quite the racist -- although he married my dark-complected grandmother (who, I am sure, didn't know of her partial North African heritage, it was kept hidden until I did our family genealogy).

[Catherine Vincent]

46. Lovely picture!

[Major Hogwash]

50. Yup, first grade was a real education for me, too.

Found out who liked me and who didn't like me just because of the way I looked within the first week.
And it was all based on the hate they had been taught at home.

Didn't bother me at first, but then some of the girls I liked started making remarks to me, and that was it!
I was bound and determined to make them pay for it - so I chased them and tried to kiss them!
My teacher hit the roof!

Called me "Romeo" and a whole lot of other names I didn't understand.
I wound up being the teacher's pet, not because I liked her, but because I had to sit within 5 feet of her at all the school presentations. Like I was on a leash or something.

[FrenchieCat]

55. All of those cuties........

and an interesting story you have there!

[kwassa]

43. When my wife was 5, she desegregated a previously all-white school

Her perspective now is that as a high-level professional that she experiences far more discrimination because of her gender than her race, which is the reason she is an ardent Hillary supporter. And, she gets grief for it.

There certainly is racism, and things have improved a great deal from when she was little.

In our local school system, it is not unusual to have kids from as many as 90 different nations, so the old simple black-white paradigm is complicated by brown-skinned people from all over the globe speaking many different languages now in our schools. And immigrant Asians and whites. In one local high school, African American kids were the minority of the black kids in the school!

So, I think immigration is a great hope, among other things. Multiracial friendships and relationships are more common all the time. Kids are less prejudiced than their parents, too, from what I've seen.

[woolldog]

51. kwassa

where is this?

[kwassa]

52. then she was on the eastern shore of Maryland.

speaking of racially regressive areas.

[woolldog]

53. ok thanks (nt)

[FrenchieCat]

56. I agree that the younger generation are our future.....

But I hate to think of what they are learning this election cycle! :(

[mzmolly]

48. I am very sorry about that Frenchie. What I urge people to do who have been "victimized"

by others, is not to assume that those perpetuating the victimization "speak" for an entire group.

My child has a neurological issue that makes her "stand out" at times, and I've had to explain to her that people are sometimes uncomfortable with differences, period. :(

I hope that your daughter has had many positive experiences with children/people of all colors since that time?

Hugs to you and your dd.

[Scurrilous]

49. K & R

:thumbsup:

[NOLALady]

57. My son is 25 years old today.

We had that conversation on his first day of Kindergarten. This was a Catholic School.

He told me he had a sad day at school because the kids kept calling him something else. He told him his name, but they called him something else.
He'd never heard the N word before and couldn't pronounce it.

Since all of us are different colors he knew about the flowers in the garden from an early age. But I didn't think I would have to discuss racism to my Kindergartner. It was a loss of innocence.

[FrenchieCat]

59. That's exactly it!

The loss of innocence and the awakening to the realities of what lays just below in Real America, not the made up one of our nationalistic tendencies.

From that point on, you have to make sure that you explain the history and the concept of racial prejudice in a way where your child doesn't come out of it full of self hate. One has to work doubly hard at instilling pride and a positive sense of self. That's the hard part when dealing with a child. There are no do-overs, and getting it wrong can leave a lasting effect on their Psyche that can affect them for the remainder of their lives.

[JI7]

58. that moment is probably one of the worst

when it comes to people dealing with racism. that moment sticks and will never go away.

[Raine]

60. What a horrible painful

experience for a small child to endure, just heartbreaking. :hug:

[casus belli]

61. Sadly, America still has a long way to go...

And in some people's minds, if they don't see it, it doesn't exist. Racism is alive and well in America, though in most cases not overtly as it was in the past. Racism has evolved into a subtle scheme, a socio-economic blueprint that doesn't need conscious effort to reinforce long-standing divisions between races, cultures and religions. Some people act shocked when there are voices that speak out against it. Rather than hearing the message, they protest the delivery. Rather than understanding the anger behind the message, they choose to silence it. Rather than expressing empathy, they compare overcoming their own struggles and question why someone else's success is so much more improbable.

I guess the problem really boils down to...no one is listening anymore. Most people are too busy trying to get their own points across - to have their own voices heard - rather than stopping to listen, learn and understand.

edit: I'm so sorry that your child had to learn this lesson. It breaks my heart every time I hear a story like this.

[Mike03]

63. Devastating, beautiful but sad post.

I'm from the bay area, and my sisters practiced dance and baton, so I can't help but wonder if you are from the East Bay (Lafayette, Moraga, Walnut Creek area).

[FrenchieCat]

72. yes, the East Bay. The incident occurred in Alameda.

So close.

[NOLALady]

64. .

:kick:

[AZBlue]

65. FrenchieCat, I'm so sorry you and she had to experience that.

This past week has been an eye-opener for me, honestly. I'm a white woman with lots of friends of all colors and backgrounds. I knew there was still some racism left in this country, but I thought it was limited to certain areas and/or certain ages. I was floored to see what I witnessed here on DU - where supposedly we're all liberal and beyond that absurdity. I was appalled by what I saw in our country and in the media - this isn't the US I knew. I had always known I was not 100% aware of the situation, having never experienced anything like it myself, but had no idea the depths to which it goes. I really thought that was primarily a thing of the past.

This was a rude awakening, but a good one too. I needed to see the reality and am newly inspired to rid this country, this world, of this senseless and unnecessary prejudice. It's a new outlook for me and I'm sure I'm not the only one - I'd like to think that a lot of us have woken up lately.

I thank you for sharing your story. I wish it had never occurred, but it did and we can't go back and change history. We can, however, change tomorrow. "Yes, We Can!"

[SunsetDreams]

66. gutwrenching story Frenchie

My heart breaks for your daughter, she should never have had to experience that at such a tender age.
Her story made me cry.

The moral of this story is that NO ONE deserves to be treated unfairly by the color of their skin

We are a nation of many races, NO ONE holds superiority.



:grouphug:

[FrenchieCat]

69. I wish it was that way, but I believe that we are about to step backwards

into time.

We are regressing as I speak!

[DeposeTheBoyKing]

71. Stories like this make me SOOOOO angry

I keep thinking of a song I heard on "Boston Public" once - "You Have To Be Taught To Hate" (that may not be the title, but that was a prominent lyric). That white little girl obviously had been taught by her parents or someone to hate - where else would she learn that?

I am white, and my husband is from Pakistan. He is darker-skinned than me - in fact, he's often mistaken for being Mexican here in Texas. He and a Pakistani friend who is also married to a white woman were sitting at our dinner table once discussing which Pakistani women were considered the most beautiful. Invariably they would mention wives of their friends who were the most fair-skinned. Apparently fair skin is more highly valued in Pakistan and India. I do not understand this, as I see beauty in faces no matter what color, shape or size they are. I was indignant at their attitude. Beauty shines from within - it really does!

My sister lives in your city, FrenchieCat - you should get together. She is fellow DUer Bullwinkle925. Her late husband was a first generation Chinese-American from San Francisco. She has been meeting men online, just for coffee and conversation. She met someone from Marin County and told him about her marriage and mine. He said, "How did two girls from small town Kansas end up marrying men of different races?" (We are from Obama's maternal grandfather's town, El Dorado, Kansas). While our parents were raised in a different generation (my dad was born in 1908, and our mother was born in 1925) and were somewhat racist in their REACTIONS, they never taught us to hate people of other races. Both of them loved my late BIL, and I wish they could have met my husband, because I'm sure they would love him, as well. My point is, Bullwinkle and I were able to rise above the narrowmindedness of El Dorado and enjoy making friends (and loved ones) of multiple races.

Again, I'm sorry your daughter had to go through that experience. White people can never truly understand what other races have gone through, and it really pisses me off to hear people pontificating about Reverend Wright when they don't know the FIRST thing about being anything but white. The poorest white trash has had more privilege in this nation than the richest, most educated person of another race. Sorry, folks - that's just the way it is.

[FrenchieCat]

73. You speak from great insight, that I can tell......

and there are many of you like that out there, but sadly, just not enough yet....I fear.

It is true in what you speak, both in the manner that even within various ethnic group, the western standards still are chosen as "better". It is also true that White people "clean up well" no matter thier class, which is why it is called White privilege as opposed to Class privilege.

[struggle4progress]

75. "Carefully Taught" from the Rodgers and Hammerstein 1949 musical South Pacific?

... "Carefully Taught" ... excited the only major controversy in South Pacific; it discomfited many audience members and critics, and the creative team was pressured to cut it. They knew, of course, that "Carefully Taught" was crucial to the show's dramatic content. The song was retained ... http://www.nea.gov/national/gav/southpacific.html

You've got to be taught to hate and fear
You've got to be taught from year to year
It's got to be drummed in your dear little ear
You've got to be carefully taught

You've got to be taught to be afraid
Of people whose eyes are oddly made
And people whose skin is a diff'rent shade
You've got to be carefully taught

You've got to be taught before it's too late
Before you are six or seven or eight
To hate all the people your relatives hate
You've got to be carefully taught

[DesertRat]

74. That is so sad. Children aren't prejudiced by nature

One reason that I love teaching 4 and 5 year olds is that they don't see/don't care about race yet. In my class of 20 students this year I have 3 African Americans, 3 Native Americans, a child from the Phillipines, and the rest are Hispanic and Caucasian. Never once have they shown any sign of prejudice based on skin color or race.

At the beginning of the school year one of the parents of a Navajo boy was very concerned that he would be "picked on" by the Mexican American children. I let this parent know that in my experience they don't see or care about race (or clothing or hairstyles for that matter). And it's been true again this year. They judge each other on behavior, saying things like "I don't like him because he's mean to me". We play games that involve holding hands and I've never had anyone balk at that. That's one reason that I love teaching this age group. Sadly they will be taught about who they should and shouldn't associate with in the years to come. Unfortunately for your daughter that little girl had already been taught to hate at age 5.

Hopefully my students will have a memory of the good times they had in PreK and it will help them to be more tolerant.

edited for grammar