Christ Candidacy a No-Go

[NanceGreggs]

In an attempt to end the bickering between warring factions within the Democratic party, the Prince of Peace met with party leaders this morning suggesting that He run for the presidency Himself on the Dem ticket.

But after lengthy discussions that included political analysts, marketing executives, and seasoned campaign advisors, it became apparent that Jesus would be a liability that could cost the Democrats the White House in the November elections.

“We’ve got to consider what the Republicans will throw at him,” opined one advisor. “Right off the top, there’s the Jesus H. Christ thing. Too many people will think his middle name is “Hussein” – not to mention that “Jesus” sounds Mexican. And then there’s the fact that he was never married. The Republicans will go to town with the maybe he’s gay angle.”

Christ’s past associations were also scrutinized and found wanting. “Do you really want to see a TV ad about Jesus’ ”friendship” with Mary Magdalene airing all over the country two weeks before the election? The GOP will crucify us,” remarked one political analyst. “McCain is a fuckin’ war hero, and we’re gonna run the Prince of Peace? Yeah, good luck with that!”

Other Son-of-God negatives were raised as well. Throwing the money-changers out of the Temple would undoubtedly be construed by the right as anti-capitalist, and doing unto others, etc. was quickly determined to be just the kind of pro-Communist soundbyte the Republicans would pounce on and use to their advantage.

One Christ-supporter in the room suggested that Jesus’ candidacy could appeal to Fundies and Evangelicals – but the notion was shot-down when she was reminded that at this point in American politics, neither group would recognize him if he walked on water in their own swimming pools.

As the discussion group quickly divided into two camps, tempers flared and epithets flew across the table – Christomanics, Water-into-Winos, JesusBots and Anti-Christers being the more tame among them.

“Personally, I think he’d make a great president,” said one Democratic spokesperson at the end of the meeting. “But we’ve got to think in terms of what the Republicans will dig up on the guy, and go from there. In a perfect world, we’d choose candidates based on their own merits and accomplishments. But this is the imperfect world of politics, and when it comes to finding a candidate who can be touted as being blameless of all earthly sin, Jesus just ain’t the guy.”

“Look, the Republicans call the tune, they run the show. We’ve got to choose our nominee on the basis of what they want, what they’ll say, what they’ll do,” added a long-time Democratic strategist. “That’s just the way things are.”

When asked whether either of the two current Democratic candidates were without sin and were therefore immune from GOP attacks, both Hillary supporters and Obama supporters chimed in, creating even more rancor. “Hillary has been completely vetted and there isn’t a single thing that can be used against her now,” said one. “Obama has led an exemplary life and is completely untouchable,” opined another.

A suggestion by someone in the room that no matter who the Democratic nominee turned out to be, the Republicans would swiftboat them anyway – even resort to “making things up” – was met with incredulous jeers.

Jesus, long reputed to be all-knowing and all-seeing, was observed having a good chuckle as he left the meeting.

[Fresh_Start]

1. Christ was smart enough to know that government and religion

should be separate

Pity that our politicians don't recognize the same

[NanceGreggs]

3. Oh, you mean that ...

... "Render unto Caesar the things that are Caesar's, and to God the things that are God's" thing?

The GOP have revised that part of Scripture - along with the Constitution.

[Fresh_Start]

17. I realize that the GOP revised that part of Scripture

I'm extremely disturbed that the Democratic party has also revised that part of the Scripture

[Irishonly]

34. They Haven't Revised It

They claim it doesn't exist. To hear some of them you would think our founding fathers had Christ over for tea to get his approval for the constitution and he didn't really mean the government will not have a state sponsored religion.

[Bluenorthwest]

35. Not just the GOP anymore

Sorry that does not fly, it is now also the DNC. My family has been openly attacked by surrogates of a politician who is a Democrat, live at his events. Bush's 'spiritual advisor' Kirbyjon Caldwell is now in that same camp. Religious bigots are called by our frontrunner 'good decent moral people' and he says he will listen to their prejudiced opinions no matter what.

Seperation of church and state. The very notion that the dogmatic superstitions of strangers thousands of miles away should have any bearing on my Constitutional rights is not a Democratic notion. Using Evangelists to blast the minority you want to use as bait to attarct bigot votes is Rovian in the extreme. We have preachers who say the 9-11 dead had it coming, just like Falwell and Robertson.
It takes some brass to point a finger at the other party for doing what we now do. Loyal Democratic voters have been complaining about this Fundy message in our party for months. It killed the GOP, and now it has come for the DNC, and oddly, the Demcorats seem to welcome the gay bashers and sin shouters. I am highly saddened by the dogma crowd being not just welcome into our Party, but installed as spokesmen and allowed to attack our own.
I expect the GOP to be this way, not Democrats. McClurkin sang for Bush and I was appalled. He sang for Obama and I was stunned. Bush hate operatives, moving smoothly from one assignment to another, one Party to another, retaining the same divisive message, changing only the name of the candidate being promoted.

[noel711]

19. That's a misunderstanding...

Jesus DID speak out against the Emperor,
he spoke out against the dominant culture
that ran his country,
Jesus did speak against oppression of the poor,
and it was his words that did him in.


The collusion of church and state (when the catholic
church was modeled on the Roman empire- the pope
was the defacto emperor-) continued until
Martin Luther nailed the truth to the door
of the chapel at Wittenberg castle.

But it was only made real in the colonies;
William Penn made his colony a place of freedom
for all who had been oppressed.

[OPERATIONMINDCRIME]

2. This Would Be Good If It Weren't So True, And Sad.

But nonetheless, very creative!

:toast:

[moobu2]

4. I doubt Jesus would have attended a racist church for 20 years

[CreekDog]

15. so everybody in that church intended to be in a racist church?

ummmm. :eyes:

[roguevalley]

16. Jesus wouldn't have time to attend any church. He would have been

out there working with the poor. The Fellowship (Hillary's pals) and the churches are as far from Christ as they get.

[mrreowwr_kittty]

25. Yeah, I'm sure that racist black people are making your life unbearable.

[Political Heretic]

27. He probably wouldn't. And Obama didn't.

Did you?

[Joshua N]

39. In what way is it a racist church?

[HughMoran]

5. Jesus, no!

:rofl:

Sorry, I had to post this before reading your post :D

[solara]

6. Yes, yes and YES!!

You nailed it, as usual ... thanks Nance

INVESTIGATE IMPEACH INDICT IMPRECATE INCARCERATE :patriot:

Kick-a-rama :kick: recommend-o :bounce:

[Coexist]

7. ...um.. there's that hooker Mary thingie, too...

not a good time, what with Spitzer-gate and all.

[shimmergal]

50. Another case of swiftboating!

Poor Mary M. Actually, she was never a prostitute. But the rumor has lasted for centuries.

[femmedem]

8. Prince of Peace or flip-flopping hypocritical Dino?

Render onto Caesar what is Caesar's...Furious bloggers say he's in favor of peace but continues to fund the Occupation.

[juno jones]

9. K&R!

:D

[Thurston Howell III]

10. K&R.

[JeffR]

11. I beg to differ:

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3680

[NanceGreggs]

12. And if you'll remember, I called it then:

"Jesus Christ, an anti-torture, pro-environment peacenik with absolutely no traction with the Fundie voting block. Big Oil, Big Pharma and Big Business will HATE him, the lobbyists will HATE him, and the GOP swiftboaters will have a field day with the water-into-wine thing (obvious alcoholic), the Mary Magdalene sex scandal (promoting prostitution), and the lack of family values (so the dad is supposed to take back the Prodigal "Deadbeat" Son, huh?).

He hasn't got a prayer."

[JeffR]

13. True that

Darn your insight anyway.
:rofl:

[CreekDog]

14. I am in awe

:applause:

[Hugin]

18. Haha! Thanks Nance!

From the Strange, but, funny file... I assume?

[Jim Lane]

20. Most of the consultants nixed him as soon as they saw his beard (n/t)

[K Gardner]

21. LOL.. thanks, Nance. I needed that. On that note, heading to bed with a smile !

[NanceGreggs]

22. Nightie-night, K Gardner ...

... and sweet dreams!

[Oldtimeralso]

23. But Nance do you know...

tha after Jesus said "let he who is without sin cast the first stone" his next statement was "darn you mother"

[NanceGreggs]

24. ...

:rofl:

[cornermouse]

26. Maybe it's time we thought about changing the primary process.

Not that there wouldn't have been fighting anyway, but I think the process we have might need to be replaced. It worked quite well as long as white men were the only candidates but diversity appears to have divided us into factions. Anyway, just my two cents worth.

[shimmergal]

51. I'll second that!

Although not sure it's tied into the losses of white male candidates.

Either a nationwide primary day, or some other way to level the playing field and minimize the influence of the MSM. Everyone should have the opportunity to vote once for the candidate of their choice.

[bridgit]

28. k...

[bridgit]

29. dupe-dupe

[Honeycombe8]

30. His role model and campaign advisor isn't going to go on TV and yell "God Damn America," is he?

Or should I say, "Is she?"

[Prophet 451]

31. Fantastic, may I share?

[NanceGreggs]

36. Feel free. n/t

[Prophet 451]

41. Thanks n/t

[bklyncowgirl]

32. Excellent, thanks for that.

By the way you forgot how Republicans would react to that camel going through the eye of a needle before a rich man would get into heaven.

More jealosy politics from the left.

[saltpoint]

33. Kicked.

[Scurrilous]

37. K & R

:thumbsup:

[Laelth]

38. Reminds me of this blast from the past:

-Laelth

[question everything]

40. Well, you know. not everyone worships Jesus (nt)

[NM Independent]

42. That was just awesome.

You sure duped me. Love your stuff, Nance. Always a good read.

Too bad I was too late to Rec.

[sniffa]

43. He already endorsed Obama

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x4235844

And I'm too late to rec.

[LordJFT]

44. brilliant

[Eric J in MN]

45. kick

kick

[Gore1FL]

46. He'd be disqualified anyways

He isn't a natural born citizen.

[goodinuf]

53. He could be re-born again in the USA to be eligible n/t

[NancyG]

54. But then would he have to wait 35 years to be eligible? nt

[Bongo Prophet]

47. Oh wait, there's more!!!3:16!!111!! exclaimit2the! !world! !gospel!911!

We all know that He was baptized by the strange radical preacher Reverend Jonathan the Baptist, known for fiery rhetoric, weird clothing and dietary practices. Jesus Hussein "Christ" bin Yusef really needs to renounce, reject, Denounce and CONDEMN this inflammatory preacher who OBVIOUSLY hates Israel and Rome. If he really wants to put this issue to rest, he should call for the Baptists head on a platter!

And that is not the ONLY problem with His associations. He hangs out with tax collectors and prostitutes, and has been known to pick up men in His travels. He hangs out with his gang, fishing for MORE men. What the heck is that about?
Have you heard the rumors of His relationship with that OTHER John, the one he calls "the Beloved?" Somebody needs to look into that, asap! You KNOW the GOP will.

It has been said, verily, that He has a very hot temper. Did you hear about Him going off on the moneylenders in the temple? And what does that say about His stand on banking regulation? And speaking of economic policy, Jesus H. bin Yusef has claimed to want to feed the poor, thus expanding the welfare state! Not to mention His stand on turning the justice system on its head. He probably is against capital punishment and Sabbath Laws as well. We'll see how that works out for Him.

At other times, He claims to want to bring us all together, and listen to those He disagrees with. This is NOT consistent. For real Consistency, we need to continue with those who are familiar with the ways of Rome, and of Herod. This Iasu, or Jesus...whatever He wants to call Himself today...is a flip flopper with NO experience in the ways of Empire. He flips and flops so much, His symbol should be a fish!

Despite all this, His cultish followers faint and fawn, and try to touch the hem of His garments as He passes. When they faint, He offers them water. When they fawn, He says "It is not MY power but YOUR faith that matters. When they say You can do it" He corrects them, and responds with "WE can do it together. Yes, We can." They shout "We love you!" and He says "I Love You Back!" Some claim to have had their eyes opened and receive newfound hope.
But they are fools, and dupes.
They just think the skies will open up, angels will sing and manna will fall from the sky!
Water will turn to wine!
Loaves and fishes for everyone! Get Real!
All He has is words, not solutions, to the world's problems.
And besides, He is just so lucky to be a Jew born of a "single" teenage mother...under Roman Occupation...

The indisputable fact is that we will NEVER have a perfect candidate.
I swear, if He gets the nomination, I will just have to wash my hands of the whole matter!

[Bongo Prophet]

48. I forgot to mention his "Daddy Complex" and abandonment issues.

It needed to be said. He was forsaken, and some would say we haven't seen much of His Dad in a verrry looong time.
If that whole "angel of Light" story wasn't just a scam by young "Virgin" Mary (Juno) of the clan of David. We know about the scandals in THAT family.

[bigbrother05]

49. Kick

[Uncle Joe]

52. He was also a known partier having turned pure water in to wine,

and at the last supper he said drink from this cup of wine for it is my blood or something like that.

The last time I went to church they wouldn't give us any wine just grape juice some of them saying oh wine in that day wasn't the same, sort of like what they say now about Marijuana being so much worse now than it was in the 60s.