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I have lived through some amazing history. My first public memory on this earth was the funeral of JFK. My childhood was recorded on television with the images of Bull Connor's thugs turning hoses and dogs on their fellow citizens who only wanted to be treated as all are created: equally. Martin Luther King and RFK and Dan Rather showing the Vietnam War were my understandings of power... and that power was the power to destroy, not create.
LBJ sent the high boys in my neighborhood off to die in an unknown grave. Some of them came home. The boy whose family had the big willow tree came home as a heroin addict. I guess he was alive. Then my government was killing students on a campus in Ohio. My school was integrated while people in Boston were fighting over race and education. It wasn't just the south that spewed hatred. It was across this nation.
The voices that talked about another way were silenced over and over again.
Nixon showed that there are Americans who can and will do the right thing, when reporters actually investigated a story and did not just repeat the lies of the powerful. The Davids brought down Goliath. I don't remember the Church hearings from that time, but I learned about them later. Watergate, internal spying by the CIA, medical experiments on Americans without their consent that drove them mad with syphilis or that damaged their children in the womb - I didn't learn of these things until later too, but they were low hum behind the politics I had learned to hate.
Why was Reagan valorized for murdering nuns and priests in Central America? Why war? Apparently, as Bush Jr. told Herskowitz, presidents who are successful start wars and kill people. That's how they make Americans love them. Is that really all we are as a nation? Is that really how we value people --- for their ability to engage in blood lust? Republicans who sired children in "off-the-book marriages," ones with pictures of them licking cream off the nipples of strippers, ones who kept their liaisons with the maid a secret - those were the men who made sure Clinton was impeached. Politicians whose children ran hard drugs, like Dan Burton, got their kids off because of their connections while they railed against "those people" who trade in illegal substances. People who smoked a joint were more dangerous than pedophiles in that world.
When Bush stole the 2000 election, I was incredulous. Were the power prostitutes in this country worse than I could have ever imagined on my most rage-filled day? Yes. The answer was and is yes. After 9-11, tho I detested Bush and all the silver spooned republican hypocrisy he embodied, I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt. That lasted about a month or two, when all the totalitarian bills started flowing through Congress that castrated the Constitution. I guess that Constitution was just a nancy boy to those republicans and democrats alike. I saw the Republicans bully Democrats over and over. It seemed that Democrat=Constitution for Republicans. Even some of theirs began to jump ship because they honored country over power politics at the end of the day.
John Edwards had some truth to tell about power in this country as exercised by the wealthy. The American media pretended he did not exist. Again, why was I surprised by this when I'd had years to see the media fail to serve its purpose as watchdogs and instead spew lies about Jessica Lynch and Abu Ghraib and Gitmo and WMDs and the numbers of causalities and deaths? Why was I surprised that the most powerful media outlets in this nation could allow the most base and disgusting lies to pass unnoticed, along with the caskets of the soldiers who died because they believed their government would not send them to die for a lie?
I have never been so ashamed of my country in my entire life. I had never felt that my country had totally deserted the ideals upon which it was founded until the last seven years.
And now someone has come up to talk about healing and changing the assumptions about what this country is...or can be. Others may see this differently, but for me, Hillary Clinton is more of the same political muck. She may mean well, but she cannot overcome the reality that many of us see her as an embodiment of politics as usual. This is ironic, no doubt, since she is the first female in the U.S. with a real chance of winning the presidency. Life is like that. Full of tragedies not of our own making, or of our making but only because we have tried to survive the times in which we live. Hamlet wasn't real, but he was. Richard III wasn't real but he now sits in the Oval Office. Bush's deformity is internal, but no harder to see.
I understand the Hillary supporters who say they cannot and will not support Obama. I feel the same about her, because I feel that we, as a nation, have gone through a passage into a dark place and have not found our way out. The way out, for me, is through an Obama presidency. Obama and Hillary's positions on many issues fall into the same liberal (as in classically liberal, not the dittohead misinterpretation) approach to policy.
The difference is that Obama offers a person like me the ability to believe something good could still happen. That change is possible. That dynasties don't always win, that David can beat Goliath. Even if that belief is anchored by the smallest of weighty hopes, considering the electoral process, with an Obama presidency I can allow myself to think that we, as a nation, can correct our mistakes, can go forward instead of back, can forgive as long as we don't forget what got us to this point and so can find ways to correct the wrongs done in the name of democracy.
This is no ordinary election. If we end up with politics as usual, it won't just be JFK, RFK, MLK, Medgar Evers, or thousands of soldiers that will be put into their graves. For me, it will be the very idea of this nation itself, the one I was taught about as a child but rarely saw. As an adult, I want to work to make that ideal a possibility for my children. The person who gives me hope that change is gonna come is Obama. I will settle for nothing less.
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