Welcome to this week's episode of "As the Candidates Spin."

[bklyncowgirl]

In Chappaqua, New York, Bill and Hillary Clinton are relaxing by the fire.

Bill: It's starting to come together, Obama's getting hit left and right on this Pastor Wright business. All we have to do is let him self destruct.

Hillary: That speech didn't sound like self-destruction. I think we have to go negative.

Bill: Don't worry, just let the media handle this. (Sound from at nearby TV "HILLARY WAS NEVER CALLED *!@%##^&.")

Bill: See what I mean.

Hillary: Yup and when that judge in Georgia tells that Howard Dean that he has to seat those Michigan and Florida delegates....

Bill: Well I sort of have some bad news, they ruled in favor of the DNC.

Hillary: Damn. We need a distraction. Time to call in a favor. Get me Bill Richardson.

Phone rings, an answering machine picks up with "Margaritaville" playing in the background. "Hi, this is Governor Bill Richardson, I'm away on vacation this week. I'll get back to you when I get home. Adios"

Hillary: Are you SURE he's with us? I remember him and Obama giggling together like schoolgirls during the deabates. I don't trust him.

Bill: Lighten up, Hillary, they were just making fun of John Edward's hair. I mean, Hillary, we watched the SUPER BOWL together. It's a sacred male bonding thing. You wouldn't understand.

Hillary: Hunnph.



Meanwhile, over in Jordan, John McCain is explaining the situation over in Iraq.

John McCain: You see the Iranians are training Al Queda...."

Joe Lieberman: Pssst John Iran doesn't like Al Queda--they're Sunni's

John McCain: Oh right, Iranians are training extremists. Psst Joe, do you remember where I put my teeth?

Fortunately for McCain the media have their attention elsewhere



Chicago, Illinois. The Barack and Michelle Obama, their two young daughters Malia and Sasha and campaign chief David Axelrod are old up in the basement of Trinity Union Church surrounded by hordes of media waving microphones and screaming. Off to the right a Fox News sound truck is blasting soundbites from former Pastor Jeremiah Wright over and over again. "GOD DAMN AMERICA" "GOD DAMN AMERICA" "GOD DAMN AMERICA" David Axelrod sits in a window with a high powered rifle, waiting to take a shot at a high ranking Clinton campaign official.

Axelrod: C'mon Wolfson, get your little pin head over that wall. BLAM!

Malia (age 9): You missed.

Michelle: This is driving me crazy.

Barack: That's the idea. You're not the only one.

Down by the Fox News truck Chris Wallace grabs his blow dried hair with both hands. "Stop it I can't take it any more! Can't we talk about something else! Anything" Sean Hannity cuts in "Man up Wallace--we got a Democrat to take down this is better than the Dean scream."

Barack: See. We have to wait a while. I got great reviews on my speech--now it has to take hold.

Axelrod: We need a distraction.

Sasha (age 7): Look Daddy it's ZORRO!

Everyone looks, sure enough, a large bearded man on a horse is galloping through the crowd.

Michelle: If that's Zorro he'd better lay off the buritos.

Axelrod: Oh my God, it's better than Zorro it's BILL RICHARDSON!

Richardson: Hey Barack, I heard you needed some help.

Barack: Damn straight Bill, but what's with the beard--and the horse.

Bill Richardson: I thought I'd change my look, you know, go younger. I borrowed the horse from a cop a few blocks down. I couldn't get through. These people are crazy.

Barack: Thanks, man, I really thought you were going with Hillary, after all you and Bill watched the Super Bowl together.

Bill Richardson: What a drag that was. Every time there was a touchdown I had to hear Hillary's 12 point plan for health insurance. Besides, Bill ate all the guacamole. Do you know how annoying that is? Besides, then you gave that speech and, man, I just knew I had to help you become president.

Barack: Alright, people, let's go.

As they walk out the door the assembled media start pointing and exclaiming. "It's Richardson. It's Bill Richardson" "It's an endorsement." Even Fox news momentarily stops the pastor Wright tape as Chris Wallace clobbers Sean Hannity over the head.

Bill Richardson: I've got your back.

As they walk out the door a wild eyed bald man charges toward Bill Richardson "RICHARDSON YOU JUDAS! BILL CLINTON MADE YOU! YOU'RE GOING TO PAY FOR THIS"


Stay tuned next week for the next episode of "As the Candidates Spin"