The Smoking Invoice

[NanceGreggs]

To: Hillary Clinton Campaign Headquarters
From: Acme Goalpost Movers Inc.
Attn: Accounts Payable Department

Dear Sir/Madam:

As you undoubtedly are aware, we are still awaiting payment in full on the last nine invoices we have submitted:

(1) Moving of goalposts from Super Tuesday Blowout to Brokered Convention resolution

(2) Moving of goalposts in Michigan and Florida. (Contract add-on – not part of original contract; work done on expedited basis)

(3) Moving of goalposts from delegate votes to popular votes

(4) Moving of goalposts from popular votes to electoral college votes (Contract add-on: includes costs incurred in supplying virtual goalposts in order to capture votes not actually in play)

(5) Moving of goalposts from pledged delegates voting as-per-constituents to voting as-per-desire-of-losing-candidate

(6) Moving of (hypothetical) goalposts to reflect (hypothetical) GOP-style winner-take-all primary scenario

(7) Moving of goalposts from truthful-statements-paramount-in-campaign-speeches strategy to mis-speaking about Bosnia sniper-fire due-to-lack-of-sleep excuse-making strategy (Contract add-on: Necessity to move goalposts ahead of publicity shit-storm)

(8) Moving of goalposts from clean, civil, high-road campaign to kitchen-sink campaign (Contract add-on: cleaning up garbage after same)

(9) Moving of goalposts from super-delegates voting-their-conscience scenario to stab-me-in-the-back-Judas scenario

In view of the above work having already been carried out on behalf of your campaign, our company is now out-of-pocket and would appreciate being paid-in-full forthwith.

We are a small company, and do not have the financial wherewithal to continue our efforts at the present rate without payment. Your to-date history with our business indicates that more goalpost moving will be required in the immediate future. However, we will no longer be in a position to continue our efforts on your behalf without a prompt settlement of outstanding invoices.

Please be advised that we rely on long-term contracts such as yours to stay in business. Other than your campaign, our only other large contract has been with the present Administration, which has required the changing of goalposts (re: Victory in Iraq) on an almost daily basis - an arrangement which is now apparently coming to an end.

We have attempted to contact you on numerous occasions via email, registered mail, fax, and phone messages concerning your failure to compensate us for our services for several months.

As a final and truly desperate measure, our collections department will now be attempting to phone you at 3:00 a.m. We sincerely hope you will answer the phone.

Thank you for your anticipated cooperation in this regard,
Acme Goalpost Movers Inc.

[Bigleaf]

1. lol. Beautiful!

:rofl:

[FrenchieCat]

2. As an accountant, I can appreciate this "progress Invoice"! LOL!

[habitual]

17. I thought it was fantastic and very clever

coming from a soon to be accountant (graduating yah!)

[cliffordu]

3. ROFLMAO K&R!!!

Excellent work, as usual.



:rofl:

:patriot:

[superkia]

4. Always creative, great post!

[gateley]

5. K&R! -- Still laughing! nt

[crankychatter]

6. As a contractor I've noticed SOME rich people HATE paying their bills.

I guess it's that acquired "sense of entitlement"

funny stuff, thank you

[Kool Kitty]

28. You sound like my son.

He's a heating contractor and he has voiced similar complaints. :hi:

[JeffR]

7. With all the talk of goalposts this year

why doesn't anyone ever remember the Astroturf^TM?:cry:

[DemGa]

8. Hey, another abuse Hillary thread!

And let me guess -- Barack Obama gets a pass for all slander committed against Hillary Clinton. After all, she deserves it!

[cliffordu]

9. What slander??

Bullshit is bullshit.

[NanceGreggs]

10. The OP is about the Hill campaign ...

... constantly moving the "goalposts". Care to weigh-in on the topic at hand - instead of changing the subject?

[DemGa]

14. You're right, I got off topic

The abuse of the Clintons must have gotten to me lately. But this is politics after all.

[bhikkhu]

24. Great post, but one of those goal posts will need moved again

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=132&topic_id=5402222&mesg_id=5402222

Big shift in the electoral vote projections in the past few days.

[Political Heretic]

36. Name one example.

[TomBall Democrat]

45. Oh, go play with the Hillary girls - the grownups are talking nt

[Umbram]

55. HRC the greatest victim of all time.

Of course, she's a victim of her own dirty campaigning and untruthful statements, but don't let that interrupt your zealous mission of blaming everyone else but her.

[Skittles]

79. disconcerting watching DU writers turn from anti-bush, anti-repuke to ANTI-HRC ALL THE TIME

FUCKING SICKENING :puke:

another candidate for IGNORE

[bigbrother05]

11. ...

:rofl:

[question everything]

12. They had a special event in New Orleans, they really wanted Obama

but he did not come.

They had a memorial event in Memphis the other day, they really wanted Obama, but he did not come.

So don't come crying, Feb. 1, 2009, saying that Obama is taking African Americans for granted.

[cliffordu]

15. Look, Over there!!!- It's Halleys comet!!!!!

Don't address the OP- it's too painful, I guess - The amount of conning, lying, specious bullshit and slander, racism, lying (did I already say that?? Oh, well, there's enough lying for everyone...) fake sniper fire, GOALPOST MOVING out of the Clinton camp that sniveling about non-issues is about all ya got....


:nopity:

[mythyc]

23. you're aware this is a satire, right cliff? check out Nance's journal

she's one of the good guys .... (one of the best actually)

I'm just really really really glad she's on our side! :patriot:

[cliffordu]

31. Exactly. I was referring to post #12 -

I'm crazy about Nance's writing. Envious, actually.

[mythyc]

60. ah so.... carry on ninja

me too on the envious tip. my bad for crossing singles :pals:

[cliffordu]

64. You, too, good buddy!

:pals:

[NanceGreggs]

16. If I could make any sense out of this reply ...

... I might actually respond to it.

But I can't - so I won't.

[stillcool]

46. Maybe "you" have a problem..

with Senator Obama not being present for Tavis Smiley's gig, and maybe "you" have a problem with Senator Obama's choice of how he can best honor the memory of Martin Luther King, but do not assume that your problem with Senator Obama translates to African American's in general, or in part.

http://essence.typepad.com/news/2008/02/roland-s-mart-6.html

February 11, 2008
Why Obama should skip Tavis Smiley's State of the Black Union
-------------
Here is my analysis of the situation, and hopefully it will put this presidential campaign and the delicate task of navigating the waters of black politics in perspective.

1. Clinton MUST attend. She led Obama in all of 2007 among black voters by huge margins. But that trend has shifted -dramatically. At best, she's polling at 25% among African Americans. Her acceptance is critical because she needs to capture 30% to 40% of the black to really stop Obama.

The perceived racial slights toward Obama by Clinton campaign surrogates, as well as her husband, former President Bill Clinton, has done significant damage in the black community. His attempts to explain the comments haven't mollified African Americans. Her appearance at the event can help her restore her standing among a vital Democratic constituency, which she will need to turn out en masse if she wins the nomination.
---------------
2. Obama must look forward, not in the past. The Louisiana primary, which he won handily, was on Saturday. Why go back to Louisiana for an event on Feb. 23? That is not to dismiss the needs of people along the Gulf Coast. But the only way he can truly help them is if he wins the nomination and the White House.

Obama needs to be solely focused on Texas and Ohio. Those two mega-states offer a huge bounty of delegates, and he needs to win a large state to move ahead of Clinton. She polls strongly in both states, and they are a huge part of her winning strategy; so much of her time will be spent there in the coming weeks.

All his time must be on the ground. In Texas, he must blanket South Texas because of the Hispanic influence. He didn't do well among Hispanics in California, and he must change that.
-------------------------------
If Tavis wanted to have an impact, he should have held his event before Louisiana or before the Mississippi primary. As the saying goes, bad planning on your part doesn't constitute a sense of urgency on mine.
------------------------------
Spending the day with Tavis and his panelists is vital for Clinton. For Obama, time spent courting Latinos in Texas is more
http://essence.typepad.com/news/2008/02/roland-s-mart-6...

[Umbram]

54. Angry HRC supporter babbling incoherently. Check. Thread is ready for takeoff (nt)

[Jackpine Radical]

13. Welln Nance, I guess ya went and pulled the bottom can out of the stacked

grocery store display again, and the whole pile is gonna come tumbling down on ya again, but pointed brilliance is like a good deed--it will not go unpunished. Hope you're wearing our hard hat.

[blogslut]

18. Another great band name!

The Moving Goalposts

I shall add it to my list. Thanks, Nance!

[SunsetDreams]

19. loll

Somewhere in there should be making the "small" states disappear off the radar and making the one's that Barack won appear unimportant

[Taxmyth]

20. I'm afraid I don't understand

What happens if Senator Obama is not the nominee for President? It is a very real possibility though some may have trouble with that concept. For whatever reason, assume Senator Obama does not or can not win the nomination and it is Senator Clinton running for President. The GOP won't have far to go to get material - "see what her own people say about her"?

Yes, I am "humor challenged". Earlier I opened a post with pictures from Abu Gharib, Iraq and NOLA. Nothing funny in the thought of a McCain Presidency.

[NanceGreggs]

27. This is not a matter of what ...

... "her own people say about her".

It's a matter of what she's been saying about herself, her principles (?), and her adamant refusal to accept the rules of the game, unless they are folded, stapled, spindled and mutilated in order for her to "win" what she has already so obviously lost.

No, there's nothing funny about a McCain presidency. There's also nothing funny about a Democrat who is willing - nay, anxious - to damage the entire party in order to assuage her own ego.

[Umbram]

63. Great

I'll look forward to you defending Obama from every sort of negative OP on this board because he is the LIKELY nominee and we wouldn't want the GOP to get any material...

I'm assuming you wouldn't suggest that we should be more fastidious in protecting the reputation of the unlikely nominee than the likely nominee, right?

[Mooney]

21. That is too fucking funny.

[mythyc]

22. K&R -- you're my favorite satirist on DU Nance

:thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup:

[Scurrilous]

25. K & R

:thumbsup:

[Hawkeye-X]

26. You should have added...

We have attempted to contact you on numerous occasions via email, registered mail, fax, phone messages and Indian-style smoke signals concerning your failure to compensate us for our services for several months.

[DerekJ]

29. K & R. That was so funny. n/t

[Ken Burch]

30. After all that moving, are the goalposts even in the stadium anymore?

n/t.

[sandnsea]

37. The police have them cordoned off

I think those are some undercover Obama supporters, trying to keep the Hillaryites from getting to them again.

[me b zola]

81. The goal posts have been outsourced

There is an 800 number to call India to check on the goal posts' new location.

[McCamy Taylor]

32. Well written but the press came up with most of those (as you well know)

and the press does what the Bush administration tells it to because they control the FCC.

Here is what has so many people at DU so angry---and I warned you that this was coming but no one believed me. I have been talking about the RNC's plan to recreate the 1972 Pat Buchanan CREEP brokered Democratic Convention since last year.

The only reason Edwards is not the nominee is because of interference from the MSM that started over a year ago. Obama and Hillary were anointed the front runners. When Obama did not catch up sufficiently, he got extra help. It looked like he was the darling of the press. His supporters thought that this was Camelot again. I wrote that as soon as his delegate count passed Hillary's the press would turn on Obama and start supporting Hillary. People ignored me,

Well, I was right. I can read the press like the crappy novel they are. The very day after Obama passed Hillary in delegate count, the press turned on Obama.

And ever since then his supporters have been in a sulk---and they have been taking it out on Hillary. Because they do not understand what is going on and they feel powerless.

This infighting is exactly what the RNC wants.

All this goalpost moving--who do you think sets the goalposts? Fineman, Tweety, KO, Buchanan. The talking heads do. The candidates may try to spin but they have to get it on TV through the news guys who only take orders from the administration--because they control the FCC--and maybe a few candidates that they personally like.

I know what the Obama people are trying to do. They think "If we just hound her out of the race, there will be nothing there for the press to support."

But guys, the Irish do not back down from a fight, and Hillary fights like an Irish patriot. The meaner you are to her, the more you attack her like Ken Starr, the more determined she will be to keep in the race. And the more her base will support her, seeing in her the Party's best change to fight Karl Rove and his right wing conspiracy.

[eridani]

34. Best chance? When every meme she invokes says that the Rethugs are right--

--and the Dems are wrong? Every time she says "commander in chief" she might as well have just said "Dems suck. What America needs is perpetual war, and Rethugs are really good at that." Each instance is costing whoever the nominee is several hundred thousand votes in November. Saying that McCain is a "moderate" patriot who is fit to be 'commander in chief,' but Obama is not. That will cost whoever the nominee is a few million votes in November.

The habit that Dems have of using Rethug frames cost us 2004. In particular, that ad sponsored by Gephardt et al featuring Dean morphing into Osama--see above. Clinton is promising nothing but more of the same, and that is really weak.

[tbyg52]

42. I too blame the MSM for Edwards's early exit

but I don't think they're to blame for Clinton's goalpost moving. As far as I can make out, she did that herself. And I don't like it. But I like McCain even less, of course.

[DerekJ]

33. K & R

[Political Heretic]

35. You are a true gem.

Thanks for the critical humor. :)

[Demeter]

38. Fabulous! The Nance Is Back!

I thought we'd lost you to the Dark Side there last month...welcome home, pardner!

[JBoy]

39. K&R. This is really good.

[BattyDem]

40. ROFLMAO .... BRILLIANT!!!

:rofl: :applause: :rofl: :applause: :rofl: :applause: :rofl:

[sniffa]

41. Brilliant!

:rofl:

[Honest_Abe]

43. Brilliant rant, as usual...

I would add, however, that Acme Goalpost Movers has had a six-year no-bid contract from the current administration to move the goalposts on a daily basis in Iraq and Afghanistan, so they ought to have the cash reserves to carry The Clinton Campaign a few weeks longer.:-)

[skepticscott]

44. Supplemental Invoice

Moving of goalposts from 2002 to 2005 for earliest time when someone can take credit for criticizing the Iraq war.

http://blogs.abcnews.com/politicalpunch/2008/04/in-oregon-clint.html

Spinning of lies even after moving of goalposts not included.

[Yael]

47. Another campaign misstep in the choices they made

Had they just installed wheels on the goalposts, it would have saved them a fortune.

Chalk this one up with parking fees.

[K Gardner]

48. Hilarious... Five Stars !

[crankychatter]

49. kicked

again

[walldude]

50. K&R for the humor impared...

[Colobo]

51. Excelente!

[Swamp Rat]

52. LOLOL!!!

:rofl:

[me b zola]

82. Speaking of brilliant!

Another masterpiece, Swamp Rat. :thumbsup:

[Labors of Hercules]

53. Oh Nance... If only I weren't married.

:loveya:

[Umbram]

56. Great post. Thank you. (nt)

[otohara]

57. Deserving of a Goal Post KICK

and it's GOOD!

[Ichingcarpenter]

58. The local #237 of GoalPost Moving Union of Americais upset with Acme

April 6, 2008
Attention:
Acme Goalpost Movers Inc.


Clause 532:

"Management and the GPMUA agree Labor will receive double time pay every-time
the goal post was moved 3 times in less than two weeks time"

We are suing Acme Goalpost Movers Inc. for breach of contract since
we have moved said Goalpost 25 times without due compensation.
We are also in negotionations with the Bush Administration
because of the GoalPosts we had to move in Iraq.

The national GoalPost Moving Union of America
plan on going on strike nationally
and hope the rest of the nation will join us
in solidarity.


Sincerely

Dick Cheney
President of the world
and GoalPost Moving Union of America

[liberaldem4ever]

59. K & R!!

[hisownpetard]

61. To: Acme Accounting Dept. Re: Outstanding Invoices

We are in receipt of your letter concerning the nine (9) invoices you've so annoyingly submitted for payment.

Please note the 7-digit numbers printed in bold in the upper right hand corner of each invoice.
Those numbers are there for a reason.
They indicate how many outstanding invoices are going to be paid before we get around to yours.

As you can see, there are many other entities who are becoming increasingly insistent about taking money from a girl.

We do have our priorities, however. 'Hair and make-up' gets paid first, hands-down. Cowlicks and crow's-feet
are not something to fool around with.

Catering companies will be paid as soon as the indigestion they caused subsides.

Health insurance coverage for our campaign workers will be paid, uhh, well...ya know, the campaign's almost over, and no one's
sneezing, so...

And before you or anyone else gets paid, we have been instructed to pay the $5 million back to Hillary for the loan she made to herself,
( government of the people, by the people, for the people) so she can put it with the other $109 million to keep it company.

If you choose to betray your country and claim your sexist right to demand, again, like a real business-wuss, that a woman pay you, consider yourself forewarned.
Your name may pop up in a rant on TV discussing Judas and other infamous figures.

In addition, please be advised that all lawsuits are handled on a first-come, first-served basis.

Should you have any questions regarding the foregoing matter, please call 1-800-RED-FONE between the hours of 3:00 a.m. and 3:01 am. Operators
will be standing by.

Cordially,
Rocky Balboa
Accounts Enforcer

[NanceGreggs]

65. Good one!

:rofl:

[Inuca]

62. Thanks for the laugh! n/t

[mcollier]

66. A Must Read - Obama's Blueprint For Change....

http://www.barackobama.com/pdf/ObamaBlueprintForChange.pdf

Please Read It. Refer it to others asap.

Vote for Barack Obama, but for what he represents, his message, his wisdom, his intellect, his judgment, his commitment to helping every American. We can all be a part of strenghtning American had charting a new course.

Visit www.BarackObama.com Find out how you can join the movement.

Thanks.

[Catherina]

67. Brilliant! You're a real "sweetie"

:hi:

[Norrin Radd]

68. kr

[amk]

69. Do you think you will get paid ever ?

[wiggs]

70. Tight, brutal, and subtle is hard to do at the same time! Congrats and wish you would

circulate wider...

[jenmito]

71. K&R! Very clever.

:hi:

[Utopian Leftist]

72. Brilliant! n/t

[puebloknot]

73. K&R Hillary will complain that the goalposts were termite-infested!

[BlueJac]

74. Nice Post.....

I loved it, like all your posts.


:applause:

[SalmonChantedEvening]

75. Awright NanceGreggs!! Great post! I make you go BAHA

[Arugula Latte]

76. Dang! Hit it out of the park again!

[ladywnch]

77. NanceGreggs: A DU Treasure!

:yourock: :woohoo:

[grantcart]

78. what great fun to return from a hot trip and find this present

[Liberal Veteran]

80. Will you marry me?

:D

[me b zola]

83. Absolutely brilliant!

Huff Post and others should be beating down your door to publish your writing.

[southern_belle]

84. K & R

:rofl:

[MindMatter]

85. LEAVE HILLARY ALONE!!!

[DissedByBush]

86. Best laugh I've had in a while

I especially like the sniper fire one. Sorry, I don't care how tired you are, nobody forgets whether they've been shot at.

[NanceGreggs]

87. Well, I've never been shot at ...

... but it does seem like something I'd remember - if it actually happened.

[grantcart]

88. The Smoldering Credit Memo

To: Acme Goalpost Movers Inc.
From: Hillary Clinton Campaign Headquarters
Attn: Accounts Payable Department


Dear Mr. Snodgrass,


This is in response to your letter and accompanying invoice. We are working our way through the 14 pages of your invoice and expect a more complete reply soon. Actually staffing changes mean that there may be further delay in getting a complete response to your invoice and concerns in your letter. (Just last week I was in charge of the department of statistical analysis responsible for originating super delegate presentations based on demographic groups that we have won.)

Given all of the uproar from folks wanting to get their checks - whatever happened to good old fashioned patriotism?- I have taken over the accounts payable department.

1) Atleast 30% of the bill you have presented are from non-staff surrogates. Just because somebody outside of our campaign says something doesn't give you the right to bill us. You can't believe that we expected you to take the goal posts bye bye just because Bayh said so?

2) I notice on the last page you are triple billing us for Pennsylvania. We are not yet finished with Pennsylvania so this will have to be taken off this invoice entirely. And don't you dare have multiple billings for Governor Rendell. It is all part of the same sliding move. Here for example is Gov. Rendell sliddddddddddddddding the goal posts during the same interview;

MEET THE PRESS:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/23980325/
MR. RUSSERT: Governor, let me start with you. Here's the Clinton campaign spokesman in Pennsylvania, "We operate from the assumption that Pennsylvania is Clinton country. ... We can build a team here that is unbeatable." Congressman John Murtha, who supports Hillary Clinton, "I think Hillary Clinton's going to win it by a double-digit figure. No question in my mind about that." "Unbeatable," "double-digit," you guys are pretty confident.

--Governor Rendell responds:
So I'm saying that we will win this state, but we'll win it somewhere between 5 and 9, 5 and 10 percentage points. But any victory over a man who outspends you 3-to-1 and is a good a campaigner as Barack Obama is, is an impressive victory.


WHAT THEN HAPPENED WAS EVEN MORE REMARKABLE - DURING THE INTERVIEW GOVERNOR RENDELL'S LOW LOW LOW BALL SPIN OF 5-9% IS REDUCED 20% BEFORE OUR VERY EYES TO 4-8%:


GOV. RENDELL: Yeah, she--well, but big for Pennsylvania, Tim, when you look at history, is somewhere between four and eight, nine points. That's what's big.


So please take Pennsylvania off the invoice completely. And address your future corespondence to Ms. B Stearns. She is now in charge of Accounts Payable. I have been transferred to Polling.


Sincerely


Dewey Cheatham
Accounts Payable
Clinton Campaign

[NanceGreggs]

89. You are completely incorrigible, grantcart ...

... which is why we love you :hug: as much as we all do!