Eldorado #9

[H2O Man]

I was interested in the news accounts of the police raid on the polygamist compound in Eldorado, Texas. This was a "retreat" built by Warren Jeffs, and there were reports to child protective services that indicated the need for an intervention. The issues involved are of interest to me for a number of reasons, including my concerns, as a retired social worker, for the rights of children and youth in our society. At the same time, I try to keep in mind that families and communities of extended families will often have value systems that are very different than that of the larger society, and these differences can be the cause of strong disagreements. I was glad that authorities were able to move their investigation forward without there being a Ruby Ridge or Waco confrontation.

Family systems are curious things. Quite often, what we refer to as a "cult" is a larger example of a dysfunctional family system. It can be based on extended families, including some family systems that differ from the norm in our society. Because I am convinced that the "nuclear" family that the mainstream republican religious cultists promote tends to lack the support systems that children and youth (and the elderly) require, proposals for redefining the family tend to interest me.

A concern is when a family system – from the nuclear family to the larger extended family systems – deal with certain problems, very unhealthy behaviors can result. There are a number of things that can cause either temporary or long-term "dysfunction" in a family system. Some include a member having a serious illness, a death in the family, a parent losing his/her job, and as is becoming more common in 2008, having a bank foreclose on the family home. Even a strong family system will have temporary stress as a result of these things. A weaker system, however, doesn’t have the same coping skills, and will not bounce back in the same way.

Other issues cause more serious "dysfunction." These include situations where a parent has addiction issues, or where parents engage in criminal behaviors, and families where there is domestic violence, including child neglect and abuse. With a nuclear family, these are the things that help us to make the distinction between a healthy and unhealthy family. In an extended family group, the same distinctions apply. Thus, in the case in the news today, the concerns about the safety of children and youth stand out.

When dealing with dysfunctional family systems, a few things that are worth considering include how the unhealthy family attempts to restrict the family members from talking about the unhealthy behaviors of the family leaders. If the leader/leaders are drunk, criminal, and/or otherwise abusive, all attempts to address this are stifled. Family members are conditioned to deny their own feelings of "right versus wrong." And they learn to identify anyone who speaks about the dysfunctional behavior as an "outsider" who is an enemy of the family system.

If a family member attempts to speak their mind, the family group reacts quickly and harshly. The dysfunctional family follows the lead of the narcissistic parent: they target the person who speaks up with disrespect, ridicule, intolerance, and emotional abuse. This includes pointing out that by daring to question the destructive behaviors of that abusive parent, the "traitor" is behaving like an outsider and an enemy.

We see a variation of this in the republican party’s "11th Commandment": "thou shall not speak ill of another republican," which is often attributed to their profit Ronald Reagan. It is a mind-set that I think that we do well as a party to avoid.

There have been numerous instances of the supporters of one democratic candidate accusing the supporters of the other of "sounding like a republican" when questions about a party leader are voiced. DU has pretty healthy guidelines as far as restricting people from using rabid attacks that are linked to right-wing sources. We should all be able to agree that sources including Rush L, Bill O’Reilly, or Ann Coulter are unhealthy. It’s one thing to get a giggle from something that Michelle Malkin or Sean Hannity say; it’s quite another to use their nonsense to prop up your own position.

But that should not mean that we should resort to the unhealthy ridicule and disrespect when people bring up a topic that is sensitive to one campaign or another. If we are going to be able to even begin to reach any understanding – much less agreement – there are some topics that not only deserve but demand that we lay them out on the table, and have an open and frank discussion.

I haven’t specified any one topic. Everyone reading GD-P can likely identify a couple that that some of the supporters of each candidate have discounted. Both sides can help promote civil discourse that can help us promote the healthy democratic ideals we should have as a common goal.

Peace,
H2O Man

[formercia]

1. Ronnie Ray Gun as a profit

A profit to one is a loss to another.

How long must you kill our profits
as we stand aside and look
exacting higher taxes
means red ink on the books.

[H2O Man]

2. Well .....

..... I think it is an interesting topic.

[Hepburn]

3. I taught HS in the barrio before I went to law school...

...and IMO the dynamics of gangs are like what you describe ~~ the dysfunctional extended family.

That is why many who work with gang and clut members do not understand the "threat" they appear to be to the person involved in a dysfunctional situtation like this. This also, IMO, applies to situations where children and women abused ~~ reality is changed for all such people.

That quite often is why those of us who are on the outside looking at what is going on for them and it is so clear to us what the problems are ~~ this cannot not be seen or understood by the person who is in the situation him/her self.

[H2O Man]

5. My wife was

employed as a social worker in a women's prison in California years ago. This experience allows people to view things in a manner that can be entirely different than those who have not been there. Topics such as racism, sexism, and violence in society are difficult to discuss in many settings, including internet political discussion forums. But people with the experiences such as yours add to the possibility of rational, insightful discussion that can benefit the larger group. And that is important in the primary and beyond.

[Swamp Rat]

4. Dysfunctional behavior is on the up-tick.

I wonder why? :D

[H2O Man]

6. Reading through GD-P

this Monday morning reminded me of why I wrote this.

[Me.]

7. Divide & Conquer

Is always the fear and the most often used strategy. Rove and his cowboy used it to divide the country and you had to wonder why people couldn't see what was going on. Your essay leads one to believe they could see but just couldn't face it. Still can't apparently, else McCain's standing in the polls wouldn't be where it is. But I think a change is beginning and little by little people are having to admit they are not happy with/don't like what's going on. Because movements tend to grow, my prediction is, despite the punditry, that the dissatisfaction with the status quo is going to continue and accelerate. I see McCain having a very bad summer, critical mass is approaching. Unhappiness and /or discontent has to become more uncomfortable than living with what is before change is viewed as a real necessity and I think we are approaching that time. Certainly the status of the economy will be a factor.

[Annces]

8. I know what you are talking about

with regard to the stifling of discussion and dysfunctional families. Thank goodness, I think I have worked most of the mind-boggling riddles of my early family out and don't need to discuss it with siblings, because it would always lead to more problems (unless you totally agreed). Oddly enough my mother was a psychologist, but in my opinion with similarities to Nurse Ratchet in One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest. And my father thought talking about anything made you a total wuss, but he had a much healthier view of boundaries.

I still kind of would like Clinton to win just because she is a woman, but I am not a huge Clinton fan at all.

[Me.]

9. Midday

:kick:

[grantcart]

10. excellent - restraint can be helpful