It was
hard finding an Obama joke, but I wanted to be an equal-opportunity offender so I remained diligent. Take a break, have a laugh. Share 'em if you got 'em, but try not to offend. We can see the humor in the jokes about
our own candidate if we try.
btw, we really need some McCain jokes! Those would be great right here.
:P
*******************************************************************
It's after dinner when Barack Obama realizes he's out of cigarettes.
He decides to pop down to the local bar for a pack, telling Michelle he'll be right back.
He's persuaded by the bartender to share a cold one. As he's nursing it a gorgeous blond comes in the door, but he looks the other way.
She comes over and sits down. One thing leads to another and she invites him home.
Back at her place they hump like rabbits until the next thing he knows it's three in the morning. Jumping out of bed, he shakes the woman awake, asking if she has any baby powder.
"In the bathroom cabinet," she says.
He dusts his hands, drives home at ninety, and pulls into the driveway to find Michelle waiting up for him, rolling pin in hand.
"So where the hell have you been?" she screams.
"Well, you see, sweetie," he stammers, "I only went out for cigarettes, but Jake offered me a beer and then this beautiful blonde walked in and we got to talking and drinking and I ended up back at her place making love ..."
"Wait a minute," snapped Michelle, "let me see your hands." Turning on him furiously, she says, "Don't lie, you rotten little shit ... you've been bowling again!"
*******************************************************************
A man died and went to Heaven. As he stood in front of the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked, "What are all those clocks?"
St. Peter answered,
"Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie, the hands on your clock move."
"Oh", said the man.
"Whose clock is that?"
"That's Mother Teresa's," replied St. Peter. "The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie."
"Incredible," said the man.
"And whose clock is that one?"
St. Peter responded, "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abraham told only two lies in his entire life."
"Where's Hillary's clock?"
asked the man.
"Hillary's clock is in Jesus' office...
He's using it as a ceiling fan!"
*******************************************************************
Michelle Obama wanted to learn how to bowl, so hubby Barack decides to teach her about it. "First," he says, "you have to line your feet up with the center pin. Next, roll the ball down and try to knock down as many pins as you can, but DO NOT knock all of them down, or they cheat you out of your second ball!
*******************************************************************
One sunny day in 2008, an old man approached the White House from across Pennsylvania Avenue, where he'd been sitting on a park bench. He spoke to the Marine standing guard and said, "I would like to go in and meet with President George W. Bush."
The Marine replied, "Sir, Mr. Bush is no longer President and doesn't reside here."
The old man said, "Okay," and walked away.
The following day, the same man approached the White House and said to the same Marine, "I would like to go in and meet with President George W. Bush".
The Marine again told the man, "Sir, as I said yesterday, Mr. Bush is no longer President and doesn't reside here."
The man thanked him and again walked away . . .
The third day, the same man approached the White House and spoke to the very same Marine, saying "I would like to go in and meet with President George W. Bush."
The Marine, understandably agitated at this point, looked at the man and said, "Sir, this is the third day in a row you have been here asking to speak to Mr. Bush. I've told you already several times that Mr. Bush is not the President anymore and doesn't reside here. Don't you understand?"
The old man answered, "Oh, I understand you fine, I just love hearing your answer!"
The Marine snapped to attention, saluted, and said, "See you tomorrow"
*******************************************************************
And last but not least, a hilarious video clip about the end of the world:
http://www.thehumorarchives.com/joke/The_end_of_the_world
Printer-friendly format
Email this thread to a friend
Bookmark this thread
(1000+ posts)
Send PM |
Profile |
Ignore
