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Steerpike_Denver Donating Member (114 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jun-04-08 07:37 PM
Original message
How not to apply for a job
OK, let's say you have decided you want the position of manager in the department you work in. You go in and tell the president on the company you're interested in the job, and are a bit surprised that he expects you to go through the application process just like anyone else. After all, you figured you were a natural for the job, a virtual shoo-in, given your long years with the company, and all the people in the office who expect you to get it, but what the heck, if that's how the game is played, fine. You dust off your resume and go in for an interview. You've looked over the competition, and figure you've got nothing to worry about. The other candidates are all retreads, has-beens, or flakes with no real chance. One of the other applicants is a new guy that just started with the company, so green he's still got egg shell stuck to his back. Should be no problem blowing by the whole field, and you can start measuring the manager's office for drapes any day now.

You get your first nasty shock when you realize that the executive committee starts taking a shine to the newbie, and it begins to look like he may actually give you a run for your money. So you shift gears a little bit, and start throwing some elbows to get him out of the way. You make a few disparaging remarks about his lack of experience, and you look the other way when your loyal lackeys spread nasty rumors about him. After all, this is a cut-throat business, and if the new kid can't play the game a little rough, well, he sure won't last long as a manager.

Frustratingly, your strategy begins to backfire, and your tactics just end up making you look bad, so you try yet another tack. You make what seems, to you, to be a very generous offer: if he'll withdraw his name from consideration, why, you'll agree to consider naming him as you assistant manager. Then, when you've moved on to bigger and better things, maybe he'll have a chance to succeed you. Only, he's not flattered. He laughs in your face. He laughs!

So if that's the way he wants to play the game, fine. Gloves are off now, buddy. You let loose with every dirty trick you've picked up in your long career. You start hinting that maybe someone from another department would be better than the new guy, and your loyal friends are now saying that if the new guy gets the job, they'll quit!

But, dammit, nothing seems to work! You hang around, haranguing the members of the executive committee, demanding to be taken seriously long after it's clear they're going to pass you over. And now, horror of horrors, the job has been posted, the new guy has gotten the promotion instead of you, and now he's in his new office unloading his desk set and hanging up pictures of his family. Meanwhile you're still strutting around pretending you're still the best one for the job he's already got! How are you supposed to face your friends after they've threatened to walk out for you?

Then it hits you. Maybe he would agree to designate you as his assistant! That way you could still save face, your friends would agree not to quit, and you'd be in a perfect position to take over as manager when he's moved on.

Here's the problem: How do you go about making that happen, given everything else that's already happened?

First of all, you have to admit that you didn't get the job you wanted. You can't very well convince the new guy to take you on when you're still claiming that the executive committee is going to come to its senses any day now and give you the manager's job after all.

Second, you've got to understand that you will not be the only applicant for the number two slot. That whole inevitability thing didn't work out so well the first time, so don't be surprised when demanding that he hire you doesn't work out so well.

Next, realize that, unlike the manager's position, the assistant's job doesn't get decided by the exec committee. There's only one guy who makes the decision about who to take on, and it's the same guy you've been slamming around for months. It may turn out he's got a thicker skin than you gave him credit for, and he may very well be willing to forgive and forget, but the expiration date for that shit is right now. He's not likely to hire you to cover his back if he's worried that you're going to turn around and stab him in it.

Finally, you've got to get the rest of your team on board. You need to let it be known that you and they will be loyal to their new boss, regardless of his final decision, and you've got to mean it. No reservations. I guarantee you if you decide to burn down the office and bolt the company, your career is over.

And if you play your cards right, even if he doesn't tap you for the number two slot, there will most likely be other benefits you can expect. You can still be a key player on the new team, and, who knows, you might still get that shot at the big chair.

That's the way the game is played.
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TexasObserver Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jun-04-08 07:38 PM
Response to Original message
1. you tell him you'll destroy his business if he doesn't hire you!!
Edited on Wed Jun-04-08 07:39 PM by TexasObserver
And you tell him you know more than him.
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Steerpike_Denver Donating Member (114 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jun-04-08 07:44 PM
Response to Reply #1
2. And if he calls your bluff
And you destroy the business, you're out of a job, and you're company's bankrupt. What have you "won"?
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Cha Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jun-04-08 09:15 PM
Response to Reply #2
12. Well, you've been blatantly selling yourself to the other
company this whole time so you can always switch allegiance.
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Steerpike_Denver Donating Member (114 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jun-04-08 09:30 PM
Response to Reply #12
14. The competition's not interested
They only wanted you on the "secret payroll", not actually out front where the customers could see you.

Always cultivate traitors in other houses; never trust them in yours.
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TheDebbieDee Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jun-04-08 08:07 PM
Response to Original message
3. I don't see it that way at all.........
This is how I see it: Sen. Clinton is told by the Sen. Obama Campaign that she will NOT be offered the VP position. So, in order to save face, she intentionally insults the Obama Campaign in her speech last night so that it becomes impossible for them, in your eyes, to offer her the VP position.

See how that works? Much simpler than your scenario.
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Steerpike_Denver Donating Member (114 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jun-04-08 08:20 PM
Response to Reply #3
4. When did he say that?
I must have missed that. He (or his campaign) have said nothing about who would or would not be considered for VP. In the meantime, Hillary's surrogates are going around demanding that he make name her right now!! Makes them look like sore losers. Not a great career move.
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TheDebbieDee Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jun-04-08 08:30 PM
Response to Reply #4
5. My scenario was complete speculation on my part,
as was the original post. As was all of the explanations for Sen. Clinton's behavior on DU today.

But my theory of the motivation behind Sen. Clinton's behavior/speech last night is just as valid as anyone else's, I think.

It's like a woman/man fearing that a suitor will reject him/her. So, he/she pulls out all the stops to make him/her feel that she/he is rejecting him/her first. I'm having a helluva time trying to be PC here. I hope SOMEONE appreciates that. :)
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FatDave Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jun-04-08 10:15 PM
Response to Reply #5
22. I find your post highly offensive to the ambiguously gendered!
Sorry, I've been making bad jokes all day. I really had no choice. I did see some survey results today that had male/female/other choices though.
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tblue37 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jun-04-08 11:11 PM
Response to Reply #4
25. Apparently some of the people in Obama's camp are saying it is highly
Edited on Wed Jun-04-08 11:16 PM by tblue37
unlikely she would be offered the VP slot--and the reason they give is that Bill won't open his books for vetting. Bill wants to keep his library donors and his post-presidency business dealings secret:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/06/04/hillary-clinton-dropping_n_105296.html.
The Wall Street Journal is reporting that the word from the Obama camp is that a joint ticket is unlikely:
Close supporters suggested she would like to be his running mate, on a unity ticket.

But close advisers to Sen. Obama signaled an Obama-Clinton ticket was highly unlikely. People in both camps cited what several called "a deal-breaker" -- Bill Clinton may balk at releasing records of his business dealings and big donors to his presidential library.

I think that's probably true, but I also think it is a convenient, face-saving excuse for not even offering her the VP slot, since, like LBJ, there is always the risk she would take it, especially since she has said she would be open to it.
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Berry Cool Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jun-04-08 08:44 PM
Response to Original message
6. You wait for an incriminating video of his wife to show up
and when it finally does, you realize you've been rickrolled.
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Steerpike_Denver Donating Member (114 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jun-04-08 08:52 PM
Response to Reply #6
7. You can dream
Or maybe some whack-job will just put a cap in his ass. Keep hope alive, eh?
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TheDebbieDee Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jun-04-08 08:55 PM
Response to Reply #7
8. I hope Agent Mike is on duty tonight!
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Steerpike_Denver Donating Member (114 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jun-04-08 09:01 PM
Response to Reply #8
9. Hey, I'm not the one
hoping for a "disaster" to befall the candidate.
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Swamp Rat Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jun-04-08 09:01 PM
Response to Original message
10. How Not to be Seen
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mrdmk Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jun-05-08 03:41 AM
Response to Reply #10
27. This is a longer version, without sub-titles
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7dGRB4rgryA

Please, do not mind the slaughter house skit in the beginning!
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Cha Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jun-04-08 09:13 PM
Response to Original message
11. Excellent analysis of how NOT to get a job,
Steerpike! Where you been?

Rec'd~
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Steerpike_Denver Donating Member (114 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jun-04-08 09:28 PM
Response to Reply #11
13. Thanks, I've been here
Actually I mostly lurk, but occasionally I like to chip in.

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Cha Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jun-04-08 09:37 PM
Response to Reply #13
15. That's quite a chip..
thank you.

On to Denver:D
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Steerpike_Denver Donating Member (114 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jun-04-08 09:42 PM
Response to Reply #15
16. That'll be easy for me
I live in Aurora, a suburb of Denver, and commute downtown every morning.

August is going to be something
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Cha Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jun-04-08 09:57 PM
Response to Reply #16
21. And, we'll expect, please,
to hear some first hand reports. Thank you.
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Left coast liberal Donating Member (889 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jun-04-08 09:47 PM
Response to Original message
17. Nice post. Point well made.
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Catherina Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jun-04-08 09:51 PM
Response to Original message
18. Bravo! Brilliant post. I love it!
Edited on Wed Jun-04-08 09:52 PM by Catherina
:applause: :applause: :applause:

Good Lord, please post more often. That was one of the best things I've ever read here.
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Steerpike_Denver Donating Member (114 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jun-04-08 09:55 PM
Response to Reply #18
20. Wow, thanks
:blush:
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Catherina Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jun-04-08 10:15 PM
Response to Reply #20
23. I wish I could recommend it again and again! n/t
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Snarkoleptic Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jun-04-08 09:53 PM
Response to Original message
19. Sounds a lot like the mortgage industry...
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BlooInBloo Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jun-04-08 10:16 PM
Response to Original message
24. :)
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Generic Brad Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jun-04-08 11:29 PM
Response to Original message
26. And did my spouse used to hold the job I want?
Because if so, I remember what he used to do when the office called at 3 AM in the morning looking for answers to problems. I'm sure I could do that too.
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