TPM Cafe: "The perfect VP for Obama"

[Bucky]

The perfect VP for Obama
by Genghis

After weeks of reading breathless discussions and confident prognoses concerning Obama's running mate, I have concluded that I'm smart, and everyone else is stupid. The obvious choice is right in front of us, but most people have trouble seeing what's right in front of them because they're so stupid. (See previous sentence.)

As everyone knows, the ideal running mate for Obama would have the following qualifications:
- Military experience
- Appeal to white, working class Americans
- Swing state association
- Name recognition
- Not a Muslim

There is one American who fits these qualifications better than anyone else. You know him well.

Dick Cheney

Think about it...

Military experience. In addition to playing a key role in the invasion and occupation of Iraq, Dick Cheney was Secretary of Defense under George H.W. Bush and oversaw Desert Storm. True, he's not a war hero, but he had better things to do during the Vietnam War, as proven by his five draft deferments. And unlike Hillary Clinton in Bosnia, Dick Cheney was the target of an actual assassination attempt in Afghanistan. Now that's military cred.

Appeal to white, working class Americans. Cheney flunked out of Yale. His rejection of elitist institutions offers a counter-balance to Obama's namby-pamby teacher's-pet profile. Cheney is also very white, which offers a counter-balance to Obama's blackness. White, working-class Americans don't only like white people. They also like guns. Cheney owns a lot of guns and he knows how to use them. Finally, Cheney speaks in a low, gruff voice, which polls show white, working-class Americans appreciate.

Swing state association. Some people think that Wyoming is not a swing state, but they're stupid. Obama won 7 delegates in the Wyoming primary. McCain won 0 delegates. This demonstrates that Wyoming is up for grabs. With Cheney at his side, Obama would sweep the Equality State. Cheney could also help Obama to win Nebraska, where he was born.

Name recognition. Check.

Not a Muslim. Though he is related to Barack Obama, Dick Cheney is not a Muslim as far as I know.

[BlooInBloo]

1. hahahaha!

[Buzz Clik]

2. Cheney? Hm. That won't likely make it past the committee.

How about McCain?