I taught in an urban middle school for three years.

[ulysses]

My first year there, I had a young man in my reading class, B, who has an emotional/behavior disorder. Bright kid, but good Christ on a cracker, he defined "handful". I couldn't get him to do much of anything for most of that year, and given that he read at about a third grade level as a 14-year-old seventh grader, I understood that he'd largely given up on the whole enterprise.

Some time during my second year at the school, B lost his shit in the class next to mine and beat a classmate pretty badly. I never saw him after that, and the last I heard of him he was living with, and had had two children with, a young woman from the school who has an intellectual disability and was 12 when she had her first child.

But during that first year, there was one morning when reading class had first started and I noticed that B was much more subdued than usual. Not sad, really, but not his usual flying-around-the-classroom self. I sat down next to him after the class started and asked him what was up. It turned out that his dad was getting out of prison the next day, and all B wanted to do was to go live with his dad.

I don't know what happened after that. B never brought it up again and I never pressed him for information. I hope he's well now, although I suspect that he isn't.

Yes, Senator Obama, thank you for talking about dads. Just don't forget that sometimes there's more to it than personal choice.

[ingac70]

1. Most of the time, going to prison is a personal choice.

At least committing the crime part is.

[ulysses]

3. that's pretty easy to say.

Perhaps less so when the options are few or nonexistant.

[Ian David]

5. If college dorms were policed the same way housing projects are...

many people would think differently.

[crankychatter]

7. ker-SNAP - yeouch - nt

:-)

[blondeatlast]

8. I think Florida in November 2000 is a good example of that.

I can make a case for those "fine young men" causing a riot if they gave me half a chance...

[Ian David]

9. Not what I was thinking of. I was thinking of top-to-bottom sweeps and such. n/t

[polichick]

16. Very true - imo the powder vs crack sentencing issue is symbolic of so much more.

[redqueen]

33. ...

:applause:

[Oregone]

19. Poverty creates Depravity

Perhaps those who are responsible for the poverty or for not addressing it should also shoulder some responsibility, no?

[ingac70]

29. Most people in poverty...

don't go to prison.

[cliffordu]

35. Not for lack of trying by the powers that be....

[Oregone]

37. Drugs/Crime/Violence has a direct correlation to poverty rates

There is a clear link between the two.


You spout off about choice...I can only say you probably do so without choice yourself. "Choice", its a highly overrated force in society today.

[Hippo_Tron]

20. If your parents used drugs, how likely do you think you would be to use drugs as well?

Sure, it's a personal choice but in some circumstances it's damn near impossible to make the right choice. It's the same thing with kids who have alcoholic parents and become alcoholics themselves only they don't go to prison for it.

I have no problem with locking up people who choose to commit violent crimes. I do have a problem with locking up people for non-violent drug possession which amounts to a huge percentage of our prison population.

[ingac70]

27. How do you know its drugs?

I saw no explanation for the father being in prison in the OP. He coulda been there for petty theft, assault... who knows what.

[Hippo_Tron]

41. I'm not saying that's the case of the father's OP

I'm saying that statistically violent criminals make up an extremely small percentage of the prison population and non-violent drug offenders make up an overwhelming majority of it.

[cliffordu]

32. Nice to see someone REALLY show thier ignorance about the subject.

Congratulations!

[ingac70]

34. Do you know why the Dad was in jail?

[cliffordu]

39. Born the wrong color in america?

[ingac70]

40. While I am positive that goes off...

that is not the case for every person in jail.

[MGKrebs]

38. Not for the kid.

[BelleCarolinaPeridot]

2. 12 years old and with a child ?

24 years old and her child will be in the 7th grade.WOW.When I was 12 I knew better than even THINKING about having sex.My mom raised me with freedom but at the same time she was REAL about it.And plus I had better extracurricual activities to focus on.When you are 12,you don't know what the hell is going in neighborhood let alone the world ?!?!?! I am 27 and I pray that I can actually have kids - but these 12 year olds,kids in general are growing up way too fast.

[ulysses]

4. it happens.

Her oldest is just a couple of months younger than my son.

[sakura]

11. Did you miss the intellectual disability part?

You're right. Twelve year olds shouldn't be having babies. But mentally retarded children sometimes do not know better. Even still, I've taught a number of intellectually average and above average kids (even gifted) who did not know better. I had one student (gifted, but poor) who got pregnant in eighth grade by a 26 year old. The mom's response? She let him move into their trailer. The student had two more kids by the time she left school. Be happy you had good parenting-- a lot of children are missing it.

[ulysses]

12. sexual activity is a secondary characteristic of intellectual disability.

Her mom's response to the suggestion that depoprovera might be an option? She doesn't want her daughter to get fat.

[sakura]

31. That is so sad.

I taught in a high poverty region and heard similar stories of completely skewed priorities.

[BelleCarolinaPeridot]

18. Yes I caught that part too ...

But every 12 year old that gets pregnant does not have an intellectual disability.I just wonder where the parents are.

[ulysses]

21. "every 12 year old that gets pregnant has an intellectualy disability"

No, that's called "normal hormones". Interesting post otherwise.

[BelleCarolinaPeridot]

22. Damn I meant DOES NOT ... have an intellectual disability.

:hi:

[sakura]

25. No, but this one did. I'm guessing you don't.

:) On the other hand, the student I mentioned did not, either. But I would bet that both of them lacked something you had--a parent who was actively involved in their lives.

[BelleCarolinaPeridot]

36. Yes she was - I was and still am a Mama's girl.

And that's a role that I don't think I will ever grow out of :)

When I was 12,I was too busy playing the clarinet and playing music by ear to even THINK about having sex.I am 27,and my mom still doesn't want me to think about sex but I understand where she is coming from.She wants me to have a stable enviroment for her grandchildren.

[ulysses]

28. fair enough.

I've done that before. :hi:

[Hippo_Tron]

42. I was WAY too afraid of girls at age 12 to possibly have sex

[BelleCarolinaPeridot]

43. I had crushes back then ...

And back then all I wanted to do was play with them,not have sex.

[elfin]

6. The "absent father" is such an important element

for all such kids.

Witness Obama who went in search of his father's roots after that man had left his life at age two. I don't think that father deserved his attention (obsession?).

Then searching for a father surrogate in Wright.

Then, much too belatedly, after his fantastic mother's death, realizing that the best way to fill that gap was to be an exemplary father himself and that he had not paid sufficient tribute to his Mom.

Now publicly acknowledging the contributions of his grandfather.

This, of course, is complicated for him, given that he is so obviously part Black that while he was searching for his own identity, he was submerging his White heritage. That is why he often says that "Unity is in my DNA."

Kids need BOTH parents in their lives - even if the parents are not together.

The father figure is essential - even though it might not be a biological "father."

I don't know if boys feel this more keenly than girls as they grow up, but I suspect that is the case. But fathers (or father figures) are also essential for girls growing up.

This is a geezer speaking - am a feminist - but am forever thankful that I picked a spouse who would be a good father. Luckily for me, I hit the jackpot.

[BelleCarolinaPeridot]

10. I only met my biological father once in my life ...

He was missing I say 99.9% of my life.The only part he played in me was having sex with my mom.He was in the Army and he was going to bring my young mom with him to VA where he was stationed.But the summer after he was born,my mom waited and waited for him ... he never came.

I don't have any pictures of my father.I only know his name.I look at myself often in the mirror and wonder what features or traits did I get from his side of the family but suddenly that thought diminishes because he was never there.I don't hold any anger towards him because the life the life that my mom and I lead and live was the life that my mom and I were meant to have.I love my maternal family so much that they provided enough love,care and support for me that I never had to go without.So I hold no anger to my biological father.Its something that I have no emotions about because he just was'nt there.

In conclusion I did do a search on him last summer and there is reason why I say that my mom and I live a good life without him ... But because my father was never a major part in my life at all,I made a promise to myself that my children will have a father in their life and that their father will be my husband.I often daydream about a husband and a baby playing with each other in our house - I refuse to settle for anything other than that.

Edited to add an afterthought to what I think Obama should talk about ... There are going to be children born out of wedlock,that's not going to stop - talk about the care for the children,more extracurricular activities for the children in schools.Give the kids something to look forward to.The one thing that I was raised with was the power that "nobody can tell you no"-eventually everything that I haved wanted,I got it.And everything that I want,I know I am going to get it because I am working hard to do so.The one thing that supported me in my beliefs is my mom and my family.These kids did'nt ask to be brought into this world but the one thing these children do deserve is a good family enviroment regardless if its grandparents,aunts,uncles,cousins and also LOVE - that's was the most important thing to me:FAMILY.If there is a single mother in your family hold her hand and be there for her and the child.That would be the best way to break the cycle of deadbeat parents in general.

[sakura]

30. I hope your dream comes true.

As Obama said, any fool can have a child. Being a father, though, is something completely different. Your mom had to play both roles-- that's an unbelievably difficult job, but she obviously did a good job.

[styersc]

13. Throughout your story I was sure that you were about to write

and "B" was Barak Obama.

Would have been a much better story.

[blondeatlast]

14. His bios pretty well known by now even by the m$m. That's not anywhere near it. nt

[ulysses]

15. would that he was.

But he's not.

[Mz Pip]

17. I worked in a pregnant and parenting teen program

we had a girl who was in 4th grade when she got pregnant. We had one girl who had 2 kids by time she was 16. She had a 24 year old brother who already had 18 kids. The average age of the fathers of these babies was 28. These girls weren't getting pregnant by other 12 year olds. The were getting pregnant by guys who were a whole lot older.

Kids having kids, then the grandmothers end up raising the kids. We worked hard to establish a program to keep these girls in school, providing childcare for the little ones on site, but it's hard enough getting up and getting yourself to school when you don't really want to go much less getting a baby ready with all his stuff and catching the bus at 8am.

I worked there for a year. It was really depressing.

[ulysses]

24. burnout is an issue in that environment, yes.

:)

[Darth_Kitten]

23. What did Obama say about deadbeat dads? I didn't catch it......

:shrug:

[ulysses]

26. this was the first one I saw.

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=132&topic_id=6369226&mesg_id=6369226

There are others, of course...