Obama and Ant Traps: the Feminist Candidate

[Coexist]

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/susan-neiman/obama-and-ant-traps-the-f_b_109699.html

it was The Audacity of Hope that first really struck me -- as much for its stories as for its policy discussions. With remarkably unpolitical openness, Obama wrote about the strain that becoming a senator had put on his marriage. He had married a woman as tough and as smart as he is, and both were committed to equal balance -- hard enough, as we know, with normal jobs, but when one partner is commuting to the U.S. Senate, and the other is keeping the home fires burning while keeping up a fast-paced career of her own, things can get rough. The Senator described the night he proudly called home to tell his wife about a bill he'd cosponsored to restrict black-market arms sales, eager to share his success with the woman he loves. Michelle's response was simple: "We have ants in the kitchen. And the bathroom upstairs." He'd better remember to pick up ant traps on the way home from Washington, because she would be busy taking the children to a doctor's appointment after school. Obama concludes the story bemused, but exhausted: "I hung up the receiver, wondering if Ted Kennedy or John McCain bought ant traps on the way home from work."

This is a man with his feet on the ground, in love with a woman who's determined to keep them there. It is a very new place to be. Some women played professional roles in earlier eras, but if they had families, they had servants to handle the details. We are the first to struggle (and try not to fight!) over who picks up the children and organizes the carpools, to fret over whether the groceries will be unpacked in time for someone to cook them, and on top of all that we are now learning how to recycle. We are the first to hope we are not missing our children's recitals on some days and underperforming in our jobs on others, to scout out time, just occasionally, to remember why we fell in love with the person who is juggling the balls alongside us. We are the first generation to think about ant traps.

I believe we have too many identities to vote for just one of them. I'd no more support a candidate because she was a woman than because she was Jewish or went to Harvard or was born in Georgia or had twins, any of a number of biographical features that might link me to a random stranger. But if I were only voting as a woman, Obama would be a terrific choice, and feminists who see him as just another guy need to look closer. The Obama family is what the best of modern middle America is trying to be - and they're all the more appealing because they acknowledge that they're still trying to figure it all out too.

This is not the time to wonder how Hillary would have handled the ant traps. I suspect she would have pressed her lips together and done it all herself while finishing her day at the office, taking the kids to the doctor and whipping up dinner on the side -- as so many women who supported her have been doing all along. I wasn't married to a man who picked up the ant-traps, but I expect my daughters will be, and my son seems to view that kind of thing as normal. Millions of Americans are working hard and trying to live by the new rules about love and fairness, and raise children who will do it better than we. Imagine them growing up with the Obamas as First Family: a father who worked his way up to Harvard and still kept his street creds and never seems happier than when hugging his children; a mother whose gorgeous looks never undercut but only underscore her powerful will and intelligence; two lovely girls trying to figure out whether to wave shyly to a crowd or to hide in their parents' arms, and whose initial interest in their father's campaign was the promise they would get a puppy at the end of it. (How many working mothers have had hearts and sleeves tugged by a child's plea for a pet, while wondering how we could possibly manage to care for one more living being?) When Malia and Sasha are in the White House, accompanied by their choice of puppy, every American family involved in the balancing act will have reason to feel proud - and supported as we've never been before.

[blondeatlast]

1. Sounds very like my own marriage. Mr B@L travels a lot on business

and we do end up having those little fusses; "I just signed a million dollar contract for (his employer) and I can't wait to get home," "I can't pick you up at the airport becuse he's a finalist in the spelling bee," "Our son got a D on his math test and he's been throwing up all day, etc."

It's a strain, but we manage because, like the Obamas, anyone who knows us knows we're crazy about each other.

That's a great piece and it hits me right where I live.

[Coexist]

5. I am the opposite

I am a stay at home mom whose husband works such long hours (sometimes on projects for months - in another city) that I do everything.

However, I am needing to get back to work (I've already started looking) to help out, even with his good raises, we can't keep up with prices.

[blondeatlast]

9. Actually, I'm a stay-at-homer too.

I have some health issues so we both think it's better if I stay home although I do miss my job; it was a great position for me.

Still, I get to volunteer and so far we're okay, but if things don't get better...

:hi:

[Mz Pip]

2. This line hit me in particular

<<I believe we have too many identities to vote for just one of them.>>

It reminded me of a conversation I had with a friend of mine who seemed surprised that I was planning to vote for Obama over Hillary in the primaries. "You just have to vote for the woman," she said. That seemed to be the issue as fr as she was concerned. I like Hillary and would have voted for he if she was the nominee but I wasn't going to vote for her just because she was the woman.

This article just reinforced that I made the right choice, at least for me.

[Median Democrat]

3. I Recommend Reading Obama's Books - He Is Pretty Moderate

I know that many on this board and the MSM portray him as this liberal who is just left of Kucinich. If you look at my handle, "Median Democrat," I still support him, because I find him to be fairly pragmatic, but with the right direction. For example, he supports withdrawal from Iraq, but he is not demanding an immediate withdrawal on Day 1. He is has the right ideals without being an idealogue. Ironically, RW commentators will point to Obama's reading of Malcolm X to smear Obama. However, Malcolm X actually strongly advocated economic self-reliance, rather than the heavy expansion of social programs to help people of color.

There a lot of stereotypes that are not only embraced by the RW, but by liberals as well in their appraisal of Barack Obama. The RW portrays him as a liberal extremist, and liberal left feels betrayed when he does not act according to type. My take is that if you read his two books, he is actually quite predictable and pragmatic. That is why, as a self-described moderate/median Democrat decided to support him, and switching from Hillary Clinton, who I still think is generally a very good leader.

As to the line you referece, that scene you note totally speaks to me. Marriage to a strong woman whose accomplishments equal or exceed your own is a great way of keeping it real. Oh, and yes, I am also a person of color.

[Schema Thing]

7. Me too.

And that color happens to be pongee.


B-)

[mikehiggins]

4. The future of the western world depends on a puppy. What

interesting times we live in.

I hope its a golden retriever. They are da bomb!

[Fredda Weinberg]

6. I'm not surprised. Some of you just don't get it: being female is different

I've been ethnic ... I know what it means to stand out. But gender bias is different - we are different, and those attributes should not be overlooked.

It's mens' weaknesses that are the real problem - and the reason it hasn't been addressed. Boys can't compete fairly against girls and they don't grow up.

But life happens to women and families depend on support systems that secular society doesn't afford. So before we dimiss half the population and most than half of the next generation that will depend on single moms (not so many dads, ya think?) and sentence them to perpetual hardship.

It didn't have to be this way ... it's an opportunity we lost but I won't grieve. The real world needs us to continue as we were - but we won't pretend this is progress. When Obama says women can make it, "in high heels", I felt sick ... but just for a moment, until I remembered, he's just a man.

[Median Democrat]

8. Response - being to being female is different

First, I have no doubt that being female is different. Agree. It is the gender superiority blast that I take issue with.

"I've been ethnic ... I know what it means to stand out. But gender bias is different - we are different, and those attributes should not be overlooked."

* We are all ethnic. However, being a minority in America is a different perspective. If you are a minority in America, then you understand. As for sexism. I think Barack Obama may very well be far more progressive on gender issues than any past presidential candidate. George Bush? Anti-choice. Bill Clinton? You mention a few comments by Obama, but with Bill, he had some well known instances where he did not treat women with respect. Bush, Sr.? Reagan? There are few, if any, presidents or presidential candidates who are more progressive on gender issues than Barack Obama.

"It's mens' weaknesses that are the real problem - and the reason it hasn't been addressed. Boys can't compete fairly against girls and they don't grow up."

* Amazingly sexist statement there, as well as hypocritical given your criticism of men. Your argument justifies gender stereotyping. I thought the goal is to appraise people as individuals, and respect the differences. Not throw out a blast against an entire gender as perpetually immature.

"But life happens to women and families depend on support systems that secular society doesn't afford. So before we dimiss half the population and most than half of the next generation that will depend on single moms (not so many dads, ya think?) and sentence them to perpetual hardship."

* Who is dismissing half the population? Personally, I like Barabra Boxer better than Hillary Clinton. Are you saying that if I don't support a woman, that I hate all women. Conversely, are you saying that if you are an employer, would you alays choose a woman over a man regardless of qualifications?

"It didn't have to be this way ... it's an opportunity we lost but I won't grieve. The real world needs us to continue as we were - but we won't pretend this is progress. When Obama says women can make it, "in high heels", I felt sick ... but just for a moment, until I remembered, he's just a man."

* Of course it didn't. Talk about throwing Hillary's accomplishments under the bus.

* n high heels" This is close to a smear. Obama never said women can make it in "high" heels. Again, I think you are stereotyping. If you are referring to the unity event, he never said anything about high heels. Also, didn't you say that "being female is different." When is it okay to note a gender difference "heels" and when is it not? Should Obama say that women and men are exactly the same? Also, why are you ignoring this quote from Obama:

"I've admired her as a leader. I've learned from her as a candidate. She rocks. She rocks. That's the point I'm trying to make...I know how much we need Bill and Hillary Clinton...in the months and years to come. They have done so much great work."

This is what surprises me. You seem to be a Hillary supporter, but rather than note the very positive things Obama has said, you draw attention to a reference to "heels," then add "high heels" to make the statement seem unprofessional.

* "He's just a man." Again, the very same sexism you rail against.

Finally, what is your thought on Hillary's relationship with Bill Clinton? I mean if you have this much anger towards Obama, how do you feel about Bill Clinton, as well as Hillary's decision to remain with him?

There are reasons enough to critique our candidate, which we don't need to make up. Also, one thing to note, John McCain gets a free pass not only from the media, but from PUMA contingent. The fact of the matter is that Barrack Obama is being held to a much higher standard than George Bush, Sr., Bill Clinton, George W. Bush, and John McCain such that the PUMA folks are willing to imperil gender equality by voting for John McCain. John seems to be getting a lot of free passes these days: the GI Bill, his shifting stands on abortion, his leaving his first wife high and dry.

Thus, while we complain about the Big Media giving John McCain a free pass, the truth is that many folks on DU are far more guilty in not holding John McCain accountable, since they ostensibly understand his policies.

Finally, lest you think I am anti-Hillary. Far from it. I think Obama should consider her as a nominee for the Supreme Court. Of course, if this got out, this would totally mobilize the RW, since the S. Ct. is for life, but I think the idea is intriguing:

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=132&topic_id=6420857&mesg_id=6420857