McCain Campaign: Pictures are not fair -- clear thinking not fair

grantcart

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Wed Jul-23-08 05:38 PM
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McCain Campaign: Pictures are not fair -- clear thinking not fair

Edited on Wed Jul-23-08 05:45 PM by grantcart

AP Lost in Space in the Straight Gibberish Express

by Dewey Cheetham

McCain Campaign Charges Doctored Photos

The McCain continued its complaints today with the amount of Press Coverage that the Obama campaign continues to get stating that "everyone hangs on to every word that Senator Obama speaks and yet when we reiterate our well honed stump speech we can get any notice at all". Responding to queries that McCain had brought this on to himself by drawing so much attention to Senator McCain's travel schedule and making that a campaign issue the spokesman said, "Surge, surge, surge, worked, worked, worked, they don't follow our candidate, don't publish our editorials, and they aren't interested in what we have to say. It's not fair, fair, fair".

The McCain campaign opened up a new front on their attack on the press claiming that the media was doctoring photos from Senator Obama's campaign to improve his appearance on TV, "Seriously no one looks this good." They passed out examples of photos they allege were faked.

Handing out example #1 the campaign said "this is an obvious photo shop brush up - my god even Nike commercials don't look this good"

"Seriously we can compete with a Senator but who can compete with Denzel Washington - I mean even Denzel doesn't look this good without the makeup and the lighting. These pictures are digitally enhanced and everyone knows it"

"We have been tolerating this crap long enough but no more". Apparently photos of Obama with troops in Afghanistan and Iraq that showed the Senator with even better photo ops than Senator McCain have pushed them over the edge.

The McCain campaign had examples of 62,348 photos taken of Senator Obama that they said were too professionally staged to have been done without computer enhancement. The campaign was motivated in part that two make up assistants and 3 photographers have resigned with mental and emotional stress problems and all 5 have had their confidence shattered so completely that they have changed professions.

The McCain Campaign Fights Back

The campaign issued the following statement.

In the interests of fairness to the American People we are not going to let these defeatist Socialists win this election with glitz. We are fighting fire with fire. From now on Senator McCain's head and face will be painted green. All photographers and TV cameraman accredited to the campaign will have to use the following image in Computer Generated Format to superimpose the new image on Senator McCain. Restrictions in travel will be undertaken to restrict McCain's public appearances so that he will be only visible to accredited photographers and TV cameraman.

When asked what would happen when the first picture comes out with McCain in green face paint the spokesman simply stated, "We thought about that - it couldn't hurt but we have editing agreements in place with the different networks to re-edit any crap that comes out - CBS is on our shitlist because they let the unedited interview get out".

Example of Computer Generated McCain Picture
To be Used in all Future Appearances

The Next Step Making "Thinking and Memory" a Level Playing Field

One more step further McCain consultant Harrison Bergeron announced that they had developed a helmut that they challenged Senator Obama to wear. The helmut would give short electrical shocks so that Senator Obama's thinking would be slowed down and his memory would be impaired. Bergeron announced "If the Obama wants to win a fair fight then Senator Obama will wear this and the ideas will be able to compete on a level playing field - we think the American people deserve a fair test of ideas, after all the children are our future".

More Details on the theory of the helmut here http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Harrison_Bergeron

When a reporter happened to pass by Senator McCain getting fitted for his Green Suit in preparation for his press conference and asked him about the new photo rules he answered sternly, "Shut up you trollop - we are not a nation of whiners - you don't see us whining about every little thing do you?"