|
I can't say that a label of "hypocrite" against the daughter is very appropriate, but if she did have premarital sex and got pregnant, it would certainly be hypocritical of the parents to continue to advocate for abstinence-only sex education to prevent teen pregnancy.
Living in the Bible Belt I know a lot of kids who were raised Fundie. I wasn't quite raised as a fundamentalist, but when my mother divorced my dad, we moved in with my grandparents, who were very religious (and I can say that neither my grandfather or my grandmother, in my opinion, were hypocritical about it -- but then again, although they were very religious, they didn't make a point of emphasizing their religious views as a "holier than thou" thing, they just had their views and in my opinion lived up to them). Since my grandfather was in very poor health, they did not go to church. They watched the tele-evangelists and studied the Bible on their own.
My mother was not a fundie, she was Christian but not a church-goer. She also advocated tolerance of other religious views. When my grandmother's coworker (who had moved here from Vietnam) converted from Buddhism to Christianity, my grandmother was so happy and mentioned she was so glad she'd stopped worshiping Buddha. I was about 5 at the time, and I asked Mom "Who's Buddha?" "That's the name that some people use for God." (Needless to say I was a bit confused about why Granny was so happy that her friend had stopped worshiping God, but ...)
Then new neighbors moved in across the street, they were a childless couple that were Southern Baptist. The woman was a very sweet lady who obviously really wanted kids as she befriended me very quickly. (I don't know what it is, maybe it's because I have no actual biological aunts or uncles -- both of my parents were only children -- but as a child and later on as a teen and adult, many unrelated women seemed to reach out to me and "adopt" me as a quasi-niece or daughter, maybe they sensed a need for other female role models/confidants in my life.) She was appalled that my mother didn't take me to church. The very sweet woman was also appalled that when she happened to mention Buddha as a "false god" that I said "But Mommy says Buddha's just another name for God." So she asked my mother if I could go to church with them. Mom's reaction: "If she wants to go, you're more than welcome to take her." My mother ended up going as well and joined their Southern Baptist church, where I met many other kids who were raised fundie.
It's pretty funny -- three of the kids who I met lived down the street from us, boys about a year older than me. Their parents apparently had talked about my family situation with the kids present, because the kids told me that I had a "poor upbringing" because I lived in a "broken home" and "went to a Godless public school".
What did those kids grow into? The preacher's daughter at the church got pregnant at 15 -- and was very severely "encouraged" to give the child up for adoption. One of the three boys fathered a child as a teen, and all three of them got into drugs. Obviously their "good upbringing" didn't stop that from happening.
But I can't see it as hypocrisy on the kids part at all, and I don't know if it is truly hypocrisy in the parents in all cases. What I think is this:
Giving your kids a strict sense of what you consider "moral" behavior in a judgmental way makes it more likely for your kids not to talk to you when they are tempted to have sex, or do drugs, or do other things that you have said are "horrible" and "immoral" and "evil". And if they actually do talk to you about it and you react in a judgmental manner, they won't talk to you about it again!
My mother did her best to be a mom that I could talk to about anything. When I did decide I wanted to have sex, I didn't go to her first though. The school I went to had a free clinic inside it that would give students free birth control, so I went there, got my first gynecological exam, and got on the Pill when I first started thinking I might decide to have sex. I did tell my mother before I had sex, and what she said was "Well, honey, if this is what you want we need to take you to the doctor and get you on the Pill, but before you do it, remember it's not something you can undo, and your first time should be special. Just be careful, both with your body and your heart." And she didn't seem hurt that I had already gotten on the Pill -- she was relieved! I actually think she had that speech rehearsed, it came out pretty quickly, but I think it was the right thing to say. It didn't judge, it offered advice.
I have seen some really horrible examples of hypocrisy from true-red Fundies... like the Church of Christ (NOT United Church of Christ, the other one, the really Fundie one) preacher who beat his wife and molested both of his daughters while preaching against extramarital sex and family values from the pulpit. But I pray to ALL that is holy that at least that particular brand of hypocrisy (more like fucking sick and evil) isn't all that common.
-----
As for the whole "oldest daughter" being put into Second Mother role in such families, you are very correct. Just look at the Duggars (my favorite whacky Fundie family, the ones who are expecting their 18th child, they live pretty close to me in Arkansas).
From their website:
"Our daily routine begins with personal hygiene (get dressed, brush teeth, comb hair, etc...). Each older child has a younger buddy or two that they help. We eat breakfast & read Proverbs at 8:00a.m., then we "quick clean" the house (older child & their buddy work together to clean their jurisdictions)."
"We break for lunch at 12:00pm. Jill (age 17) prepares lunch & we all help cleanup."
"We have dinner at 5:00p.m. Jana (Age 18) prepares dinner & everyone helps cleanup."
While yes, the fact that she has two older daughters who help out is probably the only reason she is able to continue having so many kids and them not be horribly neglected, I still think it's a very unfair burden to put on a kid -- even a 17 or 18 year old one that you are trying to train into being another Quiverfull Mommy just like you.
|
Printer-friendly format
Email this thread to a friend
Bookmark this thread
(1000+ posts)
Send PM |
Profile |
Ignore
