I just feel very sad for Bristol Palin...

[TygrBright]

...because I was a 17-year-old girl once, and it was an unremittingly painful experience. Even without a pregnancy.

I made a lot of mistakes as a 17-year-old. Some of them I knew at the time were mistakes, and (more or less) blew them off. Some I didn't realize were mistakes until later in life, when I looked at how they restricted my options and had bitter regrets.

I got over it and moved on and my life has been pretty successful, but if you asked me which year of my life I most would consider it hell to relive, seventeen would be duking it out with twelve.

The saving grace for me was that no one except my family knew what an idiot I was being. I got little encouragement to self-aggrandize, quite a bit of grief, but also a lot of loving sympathy. My family and friends didn't do a lot to egg me on to even stupider behavior. (Well, a little bit, but that was more because I'm a naturally oppositional-type person and always have been and at seventeen those tendencies were peaking.)

But Bristol Palin?

She's getting married to the father of her baby. I hope it's really her decision. I hope he's mature for his age, really loves her, and has a strong, sensible family that will do everything they can to support that marriage and make it prosper. I really, really hope that.

But I wouldn't make book on in Vegas (or anywhere else, for that matter.) I don't know how old he is but I'm assuming he's within spittin' distance of seventeen himself and the average maturity levels of seventeen year old males ain't a lot higher (maybe not as high, in some areas) as that of seventeen-year-old females.

I got to make my mistakes in private, clean up the messes in private. I didn't have a national audience watching me. My parents were the opposite of famous. My stupidity had no effect whatsoever on their current jobs or their future careers or their status among their peers. I like to think that even if it had, they would have sucked it up and put me first, but I have no illusions, they were human and humans are subject to complex influences on decision-making. We're also really, really good at rationalizing our decisions afterward to make us look good. I'm glad my parents didn't have to go that route with me.

Seventeen is a tough time. Seventeen-year-olds are utterly certain that they have no further need for parenting (except a little financial support, insurance payments on the car, tuition assistance for college, free room & board & laundry access forever, etc.) Former seventeen-year-olds can look back and see exactly how much parenting we still needed.

But it's not easy to parent a seventeen-year-old and even experienced, loving, caring parents make mistakes about how much, what kind, and when. That's alright, mostly. We're a resilient species and our individuals usually find ways to adapt.

One thing the parents of seventeen-year-olds whom I know, who've done a good job, all have in common: They've done their best to keep their own priorities, needs, and desires from escalating the pain of being seventeen, so far as possible. Seventeen is still pretty vulnerable.

I wish Bristol Palin all the best. I hope that she has someone, somewhere in her life, that she can really trust to just listen, and not judge, and not give her "feedback," but just be there for her and help her deal with the pain. I hope that person is worthy of her trust. I hope that the decisions she is making now don't prolong the pain and restrict her future too much.

And that's the last (and only) thing I'm gonna say about "Sara Palin's preggers daughter."

sadly,
Bright

[Auggie]

1. Well put. And recommended.

[DangerousRhythm]

2. Recommended.

If I'd had to go through my 17th year in public, I might have gone insane. :scared:

[AlCzervik]

3. Yup, i do feel sympathy for her, being a pregnant teenager must be extremely difficult

but to be in the public eye, i cannot even imagine what that's like for her.

[eleny]

4. I agree - here are my thoughts posted earlier

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=132&topic_id=6863831&mesg_id=6863831

My heart goes out to her. History can be a cruel stalker.

[valerief]

5. I feel bad for all the dead and injured people caused by Republican war.

I hardly think this Bristol kid is suffering.

[Berry Cool]

6. There are different ways to suffer.

To be a teenager is to suffer. Some are in worse circumstances than others, but it's always a trial just to make it through those years.

Pitting pregnant teenagers and dying soldiers against each other to determine who's suffering the most is a losing proposition. It's not a contest.

If you don't believe that, well, you have to buy into the idea that we should pit homeless people on the streets vs. dying soldiers to determine who is suffering "the most," or people dying of one form of cancer vs. another form of cancer. It's stupid.

[mmm413]

10. Great response!

[emilyg]

39. Thank you.

[BrklynLiberal]

7. Bristol is the victim in this scenario. Her parents are the ones who turned a private family matter

into worldwide news, by allowing their ambition to take precedence over their family's welfare.

[merci_me]

8. Agree and recommended.

[Virginia Dare]

13. Absolutely..

I have no idea what universe she and/or McCain were living in to think that this wouldn't get out. If she were truly interested in protecting her daughter, she never would have accepted this position. They had to know her entire life would be spotlighted and under the microscope. It shows profound arrogance.

[smoogatz]

9. I kind of feel sorry for the kid who got her pregnant.

Assuming it actually is a kid. Boy, is his life fucked.

[Occam Bandage]

14. Unprotected sex with a pro-lifer is a slow form of suicide.

[Zambero]

24. No doubt they both had abstinence-only sex education courses

The final grade: F-

Not for the new parents-to-be, but for the badly misguided school of thought that set them up for this untimely event.

[tritsofme]

29. Not as "fucked" as 90% of the young men and woman who find themselves in this situation are.

He is lucky that his bride-to-be happens to have been born into a wealthy family, and for all we know, he is of a wealthy background as well.

Many young people in this situation are on their own with only modest earning power. These two are very lucky in comparison.

[smoogatz]

34. No, I meant he's going to have wingnut/fundie in-laws.

i give it about a year.

[akangel2008]

11. A+ nt

nt

[tbyg52]

12. Same here. That poor kid, to be caught in the middle of the mess the adults have made.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ypn9oKaO-3E
http://www.guntheranderson.com/v/data/atsevent.htm

[mmm413]

15. I remember being a 17 year old girl back in the late 60's.

I thought I knew it all, didn't need any kind of supervision. I do feel for Bristol. Although she might think getting married at 17 is okay because of the way she was raised. Who knows? She may be 17, pregnant and proud. But I truly doubt it. It's a shame that a private matter has to become public. It seems that her parents' ambition trumps all.

[Barack_America]

16. And imagine your own mother choosing to thrust your mistakes into the national spotlight.

I feel very, very badly for Bristol. And quite angry at her mother because I too remember being 17.

[liberaldem4ever]

17. I was an unwed teen mom in a rural Texas town in 1980

Not a nice experience. My son I kept and love dearly turns 28 this month. I have nothing but good wishes for anyone who has to go through that experience. It's a very tough life lesson for sure.

And Bristol Palin didn't ask for this-you don't pick who your mother is or her choices.

[everything-bolt-up]

18. I am just angry with her power hungry mom - to put her through this!!! SELFISH!

[Tansy_Gold]

28. I'm angry with both parents.

Todd Palin appears to be an uber-macho male who makes promises to help out and then just can't bring himself to do it. He appears to be an enabler of his wife's power trips. And whether by his presence or by his absence, he has been an influence on his daughter's life, too.

They've done a terrible thing to this girl. If they had been front and center (pun intended) with it, if they had made no secret of her pregnancy, then it would have been very different. But it's clear from their silence that this is something they're ashamed of.

Shame on them indeed.


Tansy Gold, who survived 17 by the skin of her teeth.

[flvegan]

19. Very well said. Thank you for this.

Recommended.

[lady raven]

20. Amen. And Recommended

I feel like SP threw Bristol under the bus to put rumors about HER to rest. And I can't imagine parents who would voluntarily put their pregnant daughter under public scrutiny at such a vulnerable time. Disgusting.

FWIW, Bristol appears to be a very loving big sister to Trig. In the pictures on Megan McCain's blog, it appears that she is much more maternal and loving than her own mother. I hope that is a sign and that she handles all this with as little damage as possible.

[nichomachus]

21. All the best to Bristol

I hope she has a healthy baby, a happy marriage, and a good life.

But, shame on the mother who would thrust her into the national spotlight at this time in her life. Sarah and the GOP knew that Palin would become a curiosity and would shine a huge bright light on every member of the family.

It would be one thing had Palin been even slightly credible as a candidate, but her being asked to be vice president is like me being asked to be CEO of General Motors. I would politely turn it down, even if I didn't have family issues.

Palin has a disabled infant who will need her close attention and a vulnerable teenage daughter at a difficult point in her life. She has shoved both of them into the spotlight to advance her own pathetic career.

Parents are supposed to protect their children, not deliberately expose them to this sort of thing.

[w8liftinglady]

22. did anyone watch sarah palin's acceptance speech?

Her teenage daughters both looked incredibly sad in the background..like they wanted to escape and would have rather been anywhere but there.It really broke my heart at the time...even more now.I contrasted it to how Obama's kids looked.

[redwitch]

43. They have had no time to get accustomed to the idea and the publicity.

They are instant celebrities. That's gotta suck.

[ChimpersMcSmirkers]

23. I'm pissed. I'm pissed that Ms. Failin and McDouchebagg decided that is was ok

to put Bristol and Trig through this shit.

[life long demo]

25. Very well written, but......

From the pictures I've seen on line, it was obvious she was pregnant. Her Mother had to know. How could Bristol's Mother gone ahead and accepted the VP nomination knowing the nationwide publicity that would entail. Surely Sarah must have known that the whole country was going to find out. How could she do that to her daughter. I would have put my daughter's privacy first. Maybe I'm getting older and things have changed a lot. I don't know, but I wouldn't put my daughter through that. How sad. Edited my post after I read all the other posts. As most of you said, how could her parents chose to put this personal matter nationwide. How cruel and selfish.

[Kahuna]

26. I'm sad for her too. But I also believe her mother is fair game. nt

[Bluerthanblue]

27. so well said Bright- and

I share your wishes for her.

:hug:


I remember 17 all too well.

[Hansel]

30. Great post.

Having gone through this myself as a teenager I can say that it was the singular most emotional and difficult time of my life. I feel great empathy for Bristol and hope that her Mother has the good sense to get her off of the world stage.

I think everyone should follow Obama's lead on this one. This poor girl has nothing to do with her Mother run for VP. There are less personal and less destructive ways for Democrats to make the case about Palin's hypocrisy.

Please let it die.

[spanone]

31. i feel sad for the father. he has no choices.

[reger60]

37. He had one choice...

to put a goddamn condom on. He fucked that one up.

[flamingdem]

32. Bristol is 16 years old! Palin & Co. lying again, according to myspace she is Libra nt

[rucognizant]

41. Thats right!

Last Fri. when she was introduced to the country she WAS 16.
Unless like McVain her birthday was Sat. - Mon. they are lying AGAIN!

[Gormy Cuss]

33. I agree, Bright.

Bristol has made a tough choice and does not deserve to be thrust into the national spotlight. I wish her and her baby the best.

[roguevalley]

35. its pretty awful but this is how they view people, even mothers of their

own children. sad, sad, sad.

[coalition_unwilling]

36. My wife convinced me to stop

cackling quite so much for precisely the reasons you detailed.

Much as I enjoy seeing the Babbits of our time unmasked, a young person has had her future sharply circumscribed. And that's not something to laugh about, imho.

[AZBlue]

38. I feel very bad for her, I do.

[RedLetterRev]

40. I wouldn't repeat a single year before 35

let alone 17. Men really don't hit their stride before 35, I think. Well, I didn't. Then at 39 I met the very love of my life and that improved me beyond anything I could have done for myself alone.

I'm not sure that fundie families ever discover what love really is. I see the effects of fundamentalism on the one side of my family that is deeply infected with it. That side of the family is rife with "secrets" and out-of-wedlock children, confused genealogies, spousal and child abuse, alcoholism and every form of sickness you can imagine.

But they'll school you on how to live with Jesus and how you're such a sinner in a NooYawk minute.

The other side of my family is totally the opposite and has none of the sicknesses and "secrets" and trifling confusions.

I really ache for Bristol. I've seen what she's dealing with up close and all-too personally. I haven't and I refuse to pile on. That poor kid has been dealing with far too much all her life and she's just been handed another dose.

I'm with you, Bright.

[KrazyinKS]

42. threw her family under the bus

I was wondering how she could have accepted a job she knows she is not qualified for. Knowing she just had a child with special needs and a teenage daughter that was pregnant. That is a very personal family matter not something that should be paraded in front of a nation. She KNEW that would happen and put her hunger for power first. Do you know how hard it is to drop off a baby with special needs off at a babysitter? Most people living on modest means do not have a lot of money for special nannies and such. I assume she does so who is she to tell the rest of us how hard she had it. She is clueless I think. And selfish did not consider her family or the country because of the precarious position the world is at the moment, I would say thanks but no thanks but I do like so and so and then recommend someone I admire. Very very selfish.