A nautical--if not naughty--limerick

[Orrex]

When the Good Ship McCain set to sailing,
He sought a first mate in Ms. Palin.
But as soon as he found her,
He started to founder;
When you're sunk, it's too late to start bailing.


Please contribute your own.

(Mods--please delete or move this if you think that it should be elsewhere. Thanks!)

[mcctatas]

1. ...

a crusty old coot named McCain
was running a shitty campaign
he selected some chick
an unqualified prick
and saw his chances get flushed down the drain...

[Orrex]

4. Nice!

I especially like "unqualified," since it speaks to all of that bullshit about "more executive experience."

[Name removed]

2. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[Orrex]

3. Well, I don't usually work so "blue," but YMMV

:puke:

[BeatleBoot]

7. T'was my intent

As the words left your lips, you could almost smell it couldn't you?


:rofl:

[Orrex]

8. Actually, no...

About halfway through, I sort of blacked out.

It's all a blur after that...

[BeatleBoot]

9. Bwaahhhaaaa!

:spray:

[WannaJumpMyScooter]

5. okay

Now Johnny McCain has picked Sarah
While not exactly an expert in Terrah
She won some contests
With once perky breasts
And she lies without the slightest careah

[Orrex]

6. Oh, snap!

:rofl:

[NRaleighLiberal]

10. a feeble attempt...but here it is!

There now is a phenom named Palin
Against whom we all here are Railin'
She's an arrogant girl
Who makes us all hurl
Soon, for her there will not be smooth sailin'

[Orrex]

13. Feeble? Not at all!

Palin is a joke unto herself; it would be irresponsible of us not to issue commentary on the joke.

And if it's in a funny, rhyming format, so much the better!

[mcctatas]

14. If that's feeble....

Sarah Palin is a classy woman;)

:toast:

[WannaJumpMyScooter]

11. A trooper one

Oh, Ms Palin fired the top trooper
For failin to be her pet snooper
He was a stand-up cop
Who told her to stop
Now the Governor is caught in a blooper

[Orrex]

20. A super one! Well crafted!

Nice use of "blooper" at the end, because the funny sound of the word ratchets up the humor of the limerick as a whole.

[TexasLady]

12. I'll shoot..

There once was a man named McCain
Who was senile and going insane
He needed some drama
To outshine Obama
Now it's Sarah He'll have to explain

[WannaJumpMyScooter]

15. brava!

[Orrex]

17. Excellent! I think we have a winnah!

:applause:

[mcctatas]

18. Nicely done!!

:applause:

[NRaleighLiberal]

16. And one that is a bit of a groaner! (actually, on second read, I kinda like it!)

She's an awful crude gal who shoots moose
To the convention she brought her papoose
It was tossed like a tater
as it grew later and later
And her daughter, it seems, is quite loose!

[TexasLady]

19. LOL

[Orrex]

21. LOL!

I particularly like the use of "tater."

[TexasLady]

22. heres another

There once was a big ol convention
That needed some big time attention
So they stuck in their thumb
and pulled out a plum
and created a freak fundy invention

[Orrex]

26. Again, excellent! You should quit your day job!

I hear that there's big money in limericks!


:rofl:

[TexasLady]

35. oo I wished!

this is a blast!

[WannaJumpMyScooter]

23. oh, this is fun

Poor John, a self-styled mavrick
Let all his thinking get done with prick
Half a decade he rotted
When out he was trotted
As a hero to dump his wife who was sick.

[NRaleighLiberal]

24. One more, not nearly as good...getting tired!

They say that her glasses are fake
Of her voice, oh the jokes that we make!
She's as cocky as hell
But she clearly won't sell
She's a loser, who no more we can take!

[TexasLady]

25. NICE one!

:D

[NRaleighLiberal]

27. And a more serious, perhaps insulting one!

She's a skanky old witch, that's for sure
When she talks she is such a big bore
She brings no solution
Just lots of noise pollution
I only hope the voters know the score

[WannaJumpMyScooter]

28. again

POW Johnny married some money
His dedication to ethics seem funny
Iran-Contra, Keating Five
Why is this putz still alive?
And now Sarah, conservative honey

[mcctatas]

29. ...

Johnny Mac tried to reach out to the chicks
So Karl Rove tried some Hail Mary tricks
but this Palin's no Hill
just a cold-hearted shrill
Who only appeals to big dicks...

[Orrex]

30. Wow! You packed a lot into that one

Very nicely constructed!

[WannaJumpMyScooter]

31. a theory still...

In the hot midst of campaign attack
McCain called a favor of Brownback
Please Find me a shill
To beat up on old Hil
And it won't hurt a bit if she's stacked

[Orrex]

32. Something about that one makes me think that you stole it

from Andrew Lloyd Webber.

Shame on you!

And shame on me for laughing.

[WannaJumpMyScooter]

37. huh?

oh... nah... just me and my rum

[TexasLady]

33. I cant help it Im onna roll

There once was a man with a temper
Like a puppy with late stage distemper
His speeches were lame
So We called him McSame
He's a dick and he could'nt be limper

(my son helped me on this one)

[NRaleighLiberal]

34. An ominous one

Sarah Palin was forced on John McCain
We speculate a play made by Rove, Bush's brain
John, a Maverick? I think not
Just another dark blot
His presidency, if he wins, one more stain.

[WannaJumpMyScooter]

36. okay...let the rum flow!

A man in the Senate from Arizona
Had a half-dozen houses he owneda
He bought none with old Keating
For that would be cheating
He married mega-money from Sedona

[NRaleighLiberal]

38. well done! I'm trying to think of one on the various scandals..no luck yet!

[trueblue2007]

40. Great limmericks folks. These should be published!!!

[Frank Booth]

58. Ooh, that's a good one.

I was trying to think of stuff that rhymes with Arizona, but nothing made sense. You got it.

[TexasLady]

39. Can ya stand another

my dad used to make us do this on long car vacations..

Each time that we went on vacation
we practiced at each new gas station
We'd stop and we'd pee
Grab some chips and pepsi
and return with our standing ovations

[WannaJumpMyScooter]

41. not done yet

Oh that scurrilous Johnny McCain
Saying things which sound quite insane
Considering that his pick
To replace aging Dick
May give him terminal chest pain

[TexasLady]

42. we are having so much fun,

There once was a young hockey mother
who stole people's lines like no other
From a failed beauty queen
Her speeches obscene
Im embarrassed for Sarahs poor mother

[WannaJumpMyScooter]

43. does she have a mother?

or was she hatched?

[TexasLady]

44. No one can interview her to ask?

where's sarahwaldo

[Frank Booth]

45. My try

McCain just cared about winning
But he knew he couldn't win without sinning
So he chose a mate
To whom dumb folk could relate
Sadly, he may end up grinning

[WannaJumpMyScooter]

47. walter, what's a scro?

LOL, good one

[WannaJumpMyScooter]

46. possibly the last one...I have things to do

Forrestal, Skyhawk, jamming off, torture, POW
Year after year, we still hear ya, wow
John, we don't owe you
Please don't be so blue
Just fade off in the distance, please, now?

[Orrex]

50. Very nice!

Another one rather dense with information.

I don't know which is more amazing--that you were able to pack so many scandals into one limerick, or that you were able to limit your selection enough to fit them all into one limerick!

[WannaJumpMyScooter]

48. we need another rec...

who's up for it?

[Orrex]

I always recommend all of my own threads nine or ten times

Never seems to work out, though...

[TexasLady]

49. it's gettin nutty

I grabbed me a bottle of wine
and asked for the seventeenth time
what change does he bring
I'd bet not a damn thing
Four more years of the same fucking crime

[Orrex]

54. Oh, that's hard core!

I love it!

[Orrex]

51. Another one (though it pales compared to some already posted!)

He picked Palin for veep?!? Oh, forget it!
'Cause you know that McCain must regret it;
Just how many scandals
Can one campaign handle?
Too bad that she wasn't quite vetted...

[WannaJumpMyScooter]

52. excellent

[TexasLady]

53. ya got the rhythm alright!!!

:toast:

[WannaJumpMyScooter]

55. re-inspired... fresh drinkypoo... work ignored

With McCain we become the Roman Empire
Just sitting around waiting for the fire
Vacuous barbies, Sarah and Cindy
without a worry, fairer and windy
While thieves run rampant and conspire

[Frank Booth]

56. I'll try another

There was a lady from the Yukon
Who sane people wished to puke on
She was sure she was right
Cuz she'd seen the light
Though the truth she would never look on

[WannaJumpMyScooter]

57. yeah... Yukon... shit

forgot that one

[WannaJumpMyScooter]

59. heh

McCain's a famous non-wussy
Who seems to be awed by fine pussy
A model he dumped
For money was trumped
Now Yukon Barbie may get pushy

[Frank Booth]

64. Non-wussy, pussy, and pushy. Nice!

[eridani]

60. You might think I'm only a jester

But I don't think you've really outguessed her
John, watch your back
In case of attack
And also go hire a food tester.

[WannaJumpMyScooter]

62. nice one

[WannaJumpMyScooter]

61. had one, but lost it...this will have to do

A Lt. Commander McCain
Lost yet another US Navy warplane
At that time 4-years old
The GOP is so ruthlessly bold
Try pining Barack Obama with blame

[Frank Booth]

63. . .

Oh, the news wanted their Mav
And what they want they will have
Billions down the drain
For this fuckwad McCain
Gosh, my head needs a salve

[WannaJumpMyScooter]

66. not rave, save, slave, cave

or have?

on edit.. you used have... shit


pave?

[Frank Booth]

69. Yeah, I think salve's probably as good as it gets.

[WannaJumpMyScooter]

65. Cindy... cindy... cindy

Your husband hero, outstanding
Has a few more take-off's than landing
What's a prescription or two
Even more than a few
To a person of your social standing

[WannaJumpMyScooter]

67. tive.... hmmmmm

Yukon Barbie's hair up in a hive
Her off-limits children number five
Her office is a cesspool
No sex-ed in school
And her slanders make hate thrive

[Frank Booth]

70. Man, you're good at these.

[WannaJumpMyScooter]

68. Has everyone left?

booo

[WannaJumpMyScooter]

71. back to scandals... palin is a distraction

and we should ignore her... it is just so much fun


Oh happy days in Regan's recession
Those were the days with Congress in session
5 Senators caught cheating
for a crook named Keating
Now McCain hopes to manage a depression

[WannaJumpMyScooter]

72. .....

John.... John....moans Abraham's ghost
Yes, sir, says he, proud to be host
To Lincoln, even while dead
And shot in through the head
More brains then than today's RNC, he could boast

[mcctatas]

73. kick...

because I love Limericks!