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Dear Sirs/Madams/People in Charge:
I want to do right by my party and vote for you all come November. But I have to admit that I am a bit confused, and after talking to my neighbors, my family and friends – including my cousin Agnes who watches Fox-News regular and knows political stuff more than most as a result – it seems I am not alone in my confusion.
Ever since 9-11, I been hearing how I have to be afraid, every day and twice on Sundays, of the terraists who will take over the local mall and kill us all right there in the food court while we’re eating our Chick-fil-A if we don’t keep vigilant. I admit I don’t go to the mall as much as I used to, but I still haven’t seen any terraists and I’m wonderin’ if maybe I just ain’t looking hard enough.
I have also been told, more’n once or twice, how if I just keep shopping everything will be fine and dandy. But what with the price of gas and all, and the mister’s job having been sent to Mexico which leaves us a bit short money-wise, I don’t see how I can keep up my end of the shoppin’ thing – can you perhaps send me some good advice on how to spend money I ain’t got in order to keep the country safe?
I have also been lectured on how victory in Iraq is vital to our national security – and now I hear tell that if it takes a hundred years to get that victory, we’ll just have to stick it out til the hundred years is up.
Could you please spell it out for me, plain and simple so I can understand it, why you put up a vice president lady who says she doesn’t know nothing about Iraq because she’s been too busy being a governor to turn her mind to it? I mean, if Iraq is as important as you’ve been saying it is, shouldn’t we have somebody in the number two spot who knows somethin’ about it?
(I hate to bring it up, but it seems kind of important who the vice president might be, what with John McCain (God bless him!) looking as sickly as he does, and might not even make it to the inauguration before the good Lord calls him home for his final reward.)
I’ve also been told how this bad economy is just in folkses’ heads, ‘cause everything is going fine and only the whiney people are making a fuss. Now, I can tell you firsthand that my neighbors are hurtin’ bad – they’re losing their jobs and their health insurance, and their savin’s is long gone, and it don’t appear that they’re making stuff up just to have something to complain about. But maybe it’s just our neck of the woods – so could you send me a map of the places where things are going great, so me and my neighbors can maybe think about moving there? I’d be much obliged.
Now, here’s the thing I really don’t understand – and your assistance would be greatly appreciated. I been reminded for eight years now how President Bush has been a great leader, a good Christian, and a man who knows what he’s about. But now I’m hearing how we shouldn’t talk about him, and just act like none of us ever supported him.
Now, I don’t pretend to be a expert on political things, but didn’t our party put him in the White House in the first place and say what a good job he was doin’ all along? Maybe I’m remembering it wrong, but I seem to recall when we were all supposed to be mindful of what a great man he was and what good things he was doin’ – and now I have the feeling that all his good works is being ignored and for the life of me, I don’t know why that is. Again I would appreciate your explaining to me whose side I’m supposed to be on, and if we’re all on the same side these days, because I’ll be darned if I can keep up.
But now I come to the heart of the matter, as they say – and this is where your professional advice is most sorely needed to keep me on the straight and narrow. I know this Obama fella is just a empty suit who makes a good speech, but he’s talking about how we need our jobs back, and how our vets deserve to be taken care of, and how much good our tax dollars could do being spent right here at home instead of being wasted on a war that could last a hundred years if some people get their way.
He’s talking about how if we all pull together, like neighbors should, we can get ourselves outta the mess we seem to be in that you keep telling us we’re not in.
He’s talking about how our kids should get to go to college if they’ve a mind to, and how people shouldn’t have to choose between keepin’ warm in the winter and putting food on the table.
I’m trying not to listen, but he’s making a lot of sense – good ol’ common sense, the type that people like me think is the best kind of sense there is.
Truth be told, all I’m hearing from my party and from John McCain is that I shouldn’t vote for that guy what’s making sense – and I have to tell you, it seems that if the Republicans have something better to offer people like me, now’s the time to speak up about it, loud and clear. I have no doubt that you, our party powers-that-be, have all kinds of great ideas – and I’m hoping you’ll decide to stop hidin’ your light under a bushel and let the rest of us in on what you got planned to fix things, including the stuff you keep saying don't need fixin'.
Like I say, I want to support my party, same as I have all my life, same as my parents did and their parents before that. So I’m waiting on your reply – and I’m hopin’ it’s a convincing one.
Yours truly,
Mrs. J.Q. RePublican
P.S. Please send your reply c/o of P.O. Box 2900, as I got my foreclosure notice today and don’t know where I’ll be settin' by the time you get around to respondin' to folks like me.
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