DU short essay contest .... win Dinner w/ Skinner ... 100 to 250 words

[Botany]

Make the case who is more ready to be Vice President
Sarah Palin or you?

Compare and Contrast also remember that snark is worth bonus points.



Skinner's House

[Xipe Totec]

1. Prize valid in MN, NM, TX, NH, ...

:evilgrin:

[GarbagemanLB]

2. I have been to D.C. and stood outside the White House. I could see INTO the White House.

Therfore, I have executive experience and am qualified to be Vice President.

[LiberalHeart]

22. Disqualified. You broke the rules. You gave the essay for being President. n/t

[Patsy Stone]

3. Not only do I have a degree in Communications

I only needed two schools to do it. Another plus: I have my own maps, and such as...

[Botany]

4. Such as U.S. Americans where they can see like Russia from America

Little Diomede Island ... the one in the background is Russia

[samuraiguppy]

5. nice house!

hey skinner I think I may be one of your long lost relatives.....

[succubus.blues]

6. I'm tough and spunky, just like her.

I gave birth twice WITHOUT meds, I have an advanced degree, I can shoot a .22, and I can do the splits. Fully qualified.

[LiberalHeart]

23. But can you twirl a baton? And if so, can you twirl a lighted one?

[succubus.blues]

33. In what respect???

;)

[phrigndumass]

7. Be a winner, not a sinner. Even a beginner can win dinner with Skinner.

I think I just topped Sarah Palin in readiness.

:hide:

[Botany]

8. "I had confidence in that readiness" S Palin

Be a winner, not a sinner. Even a beginner can win dinner with the Skinner.

:rofl:

[AtomicKitten]

9. um, nevermind

I'm way too literal sometimes.

[Tom Rinaldo]

10. In what respect, Botany?

Our world view? New York is closer to the equator than Alaska so I get a better world view than Sarah Palin does. And here in New York we know all about cutting down animals. My state was on the cutting edge of exterminating wolves. We didn't blink. And since I am older than Sarah, I know more about the need to conserve energy than she does. Plus I am so opposed to ear marks that I refuse to have my ears pierced, no matter what the latest fad is. Those are the important things. Everything else I will learn before the VP debate, so I can be ready before day one.

[mrreowwr_kittty]

11. Obviously, I'm the clear choice.

After a college career spanning nearly 2 decades and 4 institutions, I graduated from the University of Phoenix with a BS in Business (marketing). I am a policy expert in the following areas:

Agriculture and food supply - There is a Safeway within walking distance from my home. I can see it from my backyard.

Transportation - Jiffy Lube and Big O Tires.

Foreign policy - Two Mexican restaurants and a Cuban joint (owned by actual Cuban-Americans!). This gives me the expertise to negotiate with Castro in addition to my extensive knowledge of US-Latin America relations.

Health care - The nail salon I go to has a certificate from the Board of Health on the wall.

Economics and finance - There is a Wells Fargo, Chase Bank, and Bank of America in that same strip mall. I occasionally balance my checkbook and have only gotten dinged with overdraft fees a couple of times. Okay...maybe more than that but so what? Why are you being so disrespectful to me??!?

You fuckers just don't appreciate executive experience. Sexist bastards. I'm not talking to any of you until you show me the deference I'm entitled to!!

*stomps off*

Edit: Oh yeah, I forgot. My plane stopped in Alaska one time when I was flying to Japan to be stationed there. Yeah, that's right, Alaska! Japan! I ATE SUSHI!! FREQUENTLY!! I AM SOOO READY TO TAKE ON WHOEVER-THE-FUCK RUNS JAPAN!! So there. And I'm still not talking to you disrespectful undeferential assholes.

[phrigndumass]

14. LMAO!

:rofl:

[rzemanfl]

15. No way! It is me.

I got a college degree in 3 years from a real university. (I also have two other degrees from real universities). IN FRAMES!!!!111

I paid my way through college by working in a real grocery store, so I have you licked on the food thing.

Transportation, I have driven the same Geo Metro for 11 years so I know how to make stuff last.

Foreign policy. I have been to Canada twice and both my daughters have passports.

I work in public health. Gotcha beat there.

Just saw that you are a woman. Never mind, can't compete.

[mrreowwr_kittty]

16. Only smarty pants elitists who hate America go to real universities.

True patriots buy their degrees from for-profit institutions. :patriot:

[K Gardner]

20. Belongs on Huff Po !! Absolutely priceless !

[Skidmore]

12. Is that Skinner's only house? How many does he have already?

AND will Grovelbot be there? Grovelbot rules!

[proud2BlibKansan]

13. My DH was stationed in Alaska on the Aleutian chain when he was in the military

His base was the closest US military base to the USSR. He has actually SEEN Russian soil while standing on US soil!! That qualifies HIM to be president and it's a package deal. You get him and me too. So I can be the VP!

:bounce:

[whistler162]

17. I assume that the dinner with Skinner is 3rd prize.....

2nd prize is lunch with Skinner
1st prize is a bagel with Skinner
and the Grand Prize is dinner without Skinner.

:)

[Coexist]

18. Oooh, ooh, pick me!

- I was in an executive position with my PTA for three years - I have executive experience!
- I was on the board of, and President of, a youth football league for 5 years - and I wear lipstick!
- I was on the board of a county-wide sports coalition for three years - I have experience reaching across sporting aisles!
- I was 'room mom' for one year, and a substitute teacher for two years - I am an expert on education!
- I worked for a doctor for one year - I am an expert on healthcare!
- I don't have a penis - so all women everywhere will vote for me!
- I'm a football mom, cheer mom, soccer mom and swim mom - I am America!
- I swam, fished and lounged in the beaches of both the Atlantic Ocean and the Gulf of Mexico (which touches Mexico, too!)
- People want to drill for oil off my coastline - I am an energy expert!
- If I travel to the southernmost point of my state, I can pretend I can see Cuba - I am an expert of international relations!
- I am the daughter of a steelworker - I have an 'Authentic Story'
- I've eaten rattlesnake chili - I am 'uniquely American'!
- I've hunted and killed spiders - the NRA can relate to me!
- I can not blink for minutes at a time - I am tough!
- I can call reporters by their first name - I have people skills!

15 years executive leadership.
Vast experience in the areas of healthcare, foreign policy, energy, international relations and education.
Visible breasts.

I am way more experienced than Sarah - and younger!

The experience to lead! DUMP SARAH! DRAFT FLDEM5!

[LiberalHeart]

19. I promise to support the war by adopting kids and sending one off to war every 9/11

I will do that for all 100 years of the McCain War.

And I promise to get a bunch of Alaskans to stare down those nasty Russians. We can see them, you know.

And I'd improve the economy by getting people to snap up glasses and shoes like mine, and getting wigs that look like my hair. In under a week, I could bail out those Federal agencies called Freddie and Fannie.

I would also publish an annual calendar featuring First Dude nude to raise money for assault rifles for those five-year-olds who would rather kill furry animals than get sex education.

Finally, I would personally meet with reporters nationwide to explain to them that the Bush Doctrine has gone through many phases, so when they ask questions about it they should tell us what respect of the doctrine they're talking about.

[Kukesa]

21. K & R! This thread is a riot! n/t

[lady raven]

24. In no particular order...

I have given birth twice. Both were harrowing, complicated c section deliveries. I was on my feet within hours afterward.

I delivered twins at 34 weeks, 6 pounds each, completely healthy, no NICU, no issues.

My first baby was 10 pounds and 2 feet long.

I am breastfeeding twins and I work from home to allow me to care for my children AND earn the living that we unfortunately depend on.

I raised my first child on my own, as my previous husband was an absentee father (although we were married). I supported the family AND raised the child until my current husband came into the picture.

I am happily married now to a man who is raising my oldest as his own. He has no criminal record and is always available to spend time with the kids. He would be available at all times to take care of the kids while I'm busy being President or VP.

I have foreign policy and immigration experience: I used to be married to someone from Europe who went through the immigration process in 1992.

I have been to Canada, Mexico, The Cayman Islands, Jamaica, Belize, Scotland, Wales, and England.

I am head homeroom mom in my son's 3rd grade class AND President of our PTA. I was VP last year. I am also a Den mother for his Cub Scout group.
I have roughly two weeks' experience as Den Mother.

I have managed a household since 1992 without assistance. For 14 of those years, I was the sole breadwinner AND the sole child rearer.

I have a BS in Economics with a minor in statistics from a state university. I obtained this degree over 13 years but in 8 semesters of enrollment. At one University, with the exception of the course I took in the summer after high school.

I have experience with the court system and law enforcement, having been a survivor of abuse.

In 1999, I survived, with a broken arm and severe hypothermia, a car accident that should have killed me. All of the emergency responders AND the people who got my car out of the ravine said they have never seen someone survive an accident like that. This proves that I am indestructible and tough.

I know what it's like to be poor. I know what it's like to be without health insurance (My husband and I are). I understand the middle and lower classes because I've BEEN there.

I'm also younger, and my husband says I am way hotter than Sarah Palin.

[renie408]

27. This was supposed to be sarcastic. Shit, I'd vote for you! n/t

[LiberalHeart]

28. I wasn't going to vote for you till I read the last sentence. n/t

[crimsonblue]

31. DQ'd.

too many words. Us normal Americans can't read all that fancy language.

[renie408]

25. Due to my work place's close proximity to a locksmith's shop,

I am an expert on all security issues. I have breasts and a working uterus and therefore should attract the votes of all women. Instead of a hockey mom, I have been a soccer mom and we all know how much more popular soccer is than hockey. I have won many staring contests, proving my ability to go long periods of time without blinking. I live in the Southeast and while I don't hunt, I have hit a deer with my car. Due to living in the south, I have an accent that most of the country should find annoying and with a little effort I feel I could perfect a tone of voice suitable for cutting glass. I also feel that my experience with shoveling manure on a horse farm for many years uniquely qualifies me for dealing with the GOP.

[Berry Cool]

26. My journalism degrees are from top-10 j-schools.

Oh, and you can't really see Canada from my balcony, but you can see Lake Erie, and Canada's just on the other side, so that means I have more foreign affairs experience. Not only that, but I currently have about $15 of Canadian currency in my wallet. So you could also say I'm a better expert on the global economy. (I'm not just talking pennies either. I mean, a couple of fives and some loonies and a toonie.)

Oh! Oh! And MY mom was an elementary school secretary too! Everyone knows you can't be VP unless your mom was an elementary school secretary. So there.

[crimsonblue]

29. I have Jesus AND the CGI polar bear from the coca-cola commercials on speed dial.

Therefore, I created the Heaven and the Earth, plus I taught the world to sing in perfect harmony.

[flvegan]

30. I run a pitbull rescue, and Mrs. Palin, YOU are no pitbull.

You may be a hockey mom, but I'm a hockey goon, and America needs a foreign relations representative ready to pull the fight jersey over someone's head and go to work if need be.

As a finance and economics major in college, I'm ready to assist the president in paying our debts and deficits, growing our gross domestic product and bring jobs back from overseas to ready to work Americans.

As a former DU Mod applicant, I was ready to help govern a website with more citizens than you were mayor for.

Where you support aerial gunning of wolves, I'd rather unionize them and give them benefits and representation for the betterment of the pack. Humane trapping and a spay/neuter program to control overpopulation if need be, much like the ones I've helped integrate in my community.

As a certified personal trainer and sports nutritionist, I'm ready to lead the fight against obesity and support the president's goals of achieving proper health care for all.

With my many years in the real estate industry, I'm ready to tackle the housing problems facing middle class America today. I'm ready to help Congress force change in the lending industry, and to urge Fannie and Freddie backed loans be resolved without default and foreclosure.

Lastly, I can beat you and your entire extended family at arm wrestling.

I'm flvegan, and I approve this message.

[Reader Rabbit]

32. I played Bottom in a 6th grade production of a Midsummer Night's Dream:

Obviously, I have all the experience necessary to be a braying jackass. Anyone who says differently is sexist. And ass-ist!

My sixth grade teacher saw my potential to be a perfect ass more than 30 years ago. She obviously foresaw my future as Vice President!

[Madam Mossfern]

34. Vote for me!

I will put the VICE in Vice President.

just sayin'